Goldfish

[Revan]

OMG, this is so funny, I have picked up this article from a silly newspaper at work

AFTER years of bad press, fish have been proven to have hidden
depths. And it seems the average goldfish bowl is actually a think tank. Until now, fish were believed to have a memory of just three seconds, spending their time swimming around in a complete daze. But new research has found that not only are they capable of remembering what they saw on their last lap of the bowl, they can even tell the time.
Dr Phil Gee, a psychologist at Plymouth University, has discovered fish can remember things for three months and boast the brain power of a small mammal. His research involved training fish to collect food at a certain
time and it even resulted in them feeding themselves at the same time
every day.
We investigated the amazing intelligence of your average goldfish by sending a reporter underwater to get into the mind of his own pet fish, Blaine.

This journal is the startling result...

6am: Must get up, must get up. Oh what the hell -I'll have another 40 winks. Well, I would, if I had eyelids...

7am: Swim, swim, swim, swim. Good cod, is that the time? Must get my skates on -plaices to go, fins to do. Seize the day, carp diem and all that. Swim. Swim.

8am: There goes that bloke with the 30-second memory again. Look, your glasses are on your head! Loser.

9am: You have to ask yourself, what does David Blaine think he's doing -stuck in a glass box all day?

10am: Blimey, is that the time already?

11am: Swim, swim, swim, swim, swim. And swim.

NOON: I flippin' hate that new film Finding Nemo. That little clown fish giving intelligent goldies like me a bad name.

1pm: OK, what should I think about now? I know, my favourite TV presenters - Michael Fish, Judy Finnigan and Coral Smillie.

2pm: I just worked out how to create nuclear fission. If I could just get hold of a pen, I'd be the next Stephen Hawkfins.

3pm: Why doesn't Sven adopt a flatter back four? I've had it up to the gills with his tactics.

4pm: I reckon E=MC2.

5pm: For goodness hake, somebody's let the cat in! Put the cat out, I said PUT THE CAT OUT!

5.30pm: Is that the time? I'm starving. Where's my fish flakes? Or how about some chips for a change?

6pm: 6pm? That means it's 3am in the Great Barrier Reef right now.

7pm: Hello. Here comes Mr Dozy again. This is the last time I keep a human for a pet.

[Vap0r]

I read it a while back in The Sun, funny stuff!