mourning the loss of online friend (social hypothetical)

[Wyzcrak]

Ok, so...

.... your friend you've never met in person, but with whom you happily congregate online daily, suddenly dies. He's also the same type of friend of 7 of your other friends of the same type. You guys are a group that daily enjoys each other's jokes, arguments, and whatevers online. Now one of you is gone.

How do the 8 of you cope? No hugs. No going to the bar and getting smashed in memory of dude.

I've never experienced this (I'm not experiencing this now -- just brainstorming), and, for some reason, it occurs to me that lots of what happens with group mourning relies on the ability to see and be near those who remain.

How does this change when the relationships aren't corporeal?

[ScratchMonkey]

Being a data packrat, I worry about who will care for my website and servers when I'm gone. Who can I trust them with?

[Mateo]

Originally Posted by Wyzcrak

How does this change when the relationships aren't corporeal?

It's all perception. If you percieve the relationship as real, the emotional impact could be as real as any other loss.

[Wyzcrak]

Sure. That goes to my point.

With every relationship I've lost in the past, particularly those which have been mutual with those I know corporeally, I've been the recipient (and giver -- which is also important in times like this) of corporeal comforting (no, Ender, not that kind): hugs, together quiet time, folks bringing food over (I guess that last one is moreso for familial loss -- but whatever).

That's tough when no one corporeally available gives a damn about the relationship you've just lost, right? So, what's the impact of losing that corporeal comfort, given your loss? With what do you replace that on which you've relied for comfort so critical in moments like that?

[SmokingTarpan]

I've been a part of this situation twice, actually. Both were suicides, come to think of it. Hmm.

Both times the forum community we were all involved in was notified of the loss, and we all just shared memories of the person for a while and put forth our condolences. For the second person, it was an MMORPG, so I believe there was an in-game memorial event as well, but I did not attend.

Granted, I wasn't close with either of these guys, but they were still part of my community. I think the whole forums thing is a pretty good way to deal with it, personally. At least it provides you with a avenue of communication as opposed to just kinda dealing with the shock on your own.

[leejo]

If I die I want you all to flame each other in the sandbox in my honor. Maybe post a story about some dude in Washington who's dating a horse. Nothing fancy.

[TG_Bubba]

Originally Posted by leejo

If I die I want you all to flame each other in the sandbox in my honor. Maybe post a story about some dude in Washington who's dating a horse. Nothing fancy.

We do not have to wait for you to die, we do that now.

[KeithMann]

Happily, I believe that you'll grieve together the same way you did everything else together, and to the same degree.

[Rincewind]

Originally Posted by leejo

If I die I want you all to flame each other in the sandbox in my honor. Maybe post a story about some dude in Washington who's dating a horse. Nothing fancy.

What? No parade?

[=DdogG=]

I think Wyz got a look at my accident photos and started contemplating the meaning of life and stuff....

Don't worry Wyz, your mom and I are not going anywhere for a very long time. We both love you and would never, ever leave you.

[leejo]

Originally Posted by Rincewind

What? No parade?

Well ok yeah something like what they did for Reagan or the Pope would be cool if y'all can swing it.

Thanks in advance!

Edit: Or did you mean the sort of parade where everyone's smiling and waving? Yeah I'd pretty much have to haunt you.

[Delta_Swift]

Originally Posted by TG_Mateo

It's all perception. If you percieve the relationship as real, the emotional impact could be as real as any other loss.

I concur.

I used to play Asheron's Call 2, an mmorpg, and I made a few friends there that I value as much as friends I've made in the non-virtual world. Four of them in particular I would probably track down and try to attend their funerals. They mean that much to me.

[Dirt013]

How would we even know that we lost a member? My friend Ferret lives in the same town as I do, and posts here...so I supposed you would find out if I was no longer among the living. But in most instances....we would probably only notice that someone we knew was no longer posting or playing. This has probably already occured sometime in TG's history, where a member has died and none of us were aware of it.

Dirt013

[CingularDuality]

Originally Posted by Dirt013

How would we even know that we lost a member? My friend Ferret lives in the same town as I do, and posts here...so I supposed you would find out if I was no longer among the living. But in most instances....we would probably only notice that someone we knew was no longer posting or playing. This has probably already occured sometime in TG's history, where a member has died and none of us were aware of it.

Dirt013

I told my wife that if I die, she needs to come here and tell everyone.

And I expect you all to raise a glass in my memory.

And, I'm going to be cremated and my ashes will be baked into a massive smorgasbord of baked goods for people to snack on at my wake. Let my wife know if you want to let me live forever in you, and she'll send you a CingularCookie or a CingularBrownie.

[leejo]

uh, yeah. You can eat me too, Cing.