Faux News: "So Mr Taliban....you were just captured by US Forces and you are about to be shipped off to G-Bay...can you tell us what happened?"
Terry Taliban aka Mullah Mohanned Omar:
"Well...it T'was the night before Ramadan, and all through the cave
Not a creature was stirring; it felt like a grave.
The turbans were hung by the firepit with care,
In hopes that the Air Force would not soon be there.
The soldiers were restless without any beds,
While visions of air strikes flashed in their heads.
Osama in his burkha and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a cold winter's nap,
When out on the ledge there arose such a clatter,
I grabbed my Kalashnikov to see what was the matter.
Away from the racket I ran like a girl,
Tripped over a goat; into a ball I did curl.
The moon shone down on the new-fallen snow
And lit up the valley with an ominous glow,
When, what to my one good eye should appear,
But a dozen Apaches, and tanks in the rear,
And their leader, so fearless, his troops he did push,
I knew in an instant it must be George Bush.
More rapid than eagles his forces they came,
They whistled, and shouted, and called out our names;
Now Omar! Osama! Muhammad! Abdul!
We come for you now; we've taken Kabul!
To the top of the cliffs! To the back of your caves!
When you chose this war, you dug your own graves!"
So up to the ledge his forces they flew
With full magazines, and flamethrowers too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard with a thud
The explosions of Tomahawks; not one was a dud.
As I chambered my rifle, and was turning around,
Osama was there, disguised in a gown.
He was dressed all in drag, from his head to his toes,
And he said he would flee while I held off his foes;
A bundle of money he had stuffed in his pack,
He said "I'm going to Baghdad and I'm not looking back!"
His eyes were all glassy; he trembled with fear;
The American bombs, they rang in his ears.
He saddled his goat, then turned tail and fled,
But an SAS sniper soon took off his head.
I watched with cold fear as his body did slump;
The goat threw him off; he fell with a thump.
And so, there I stood, my plans all destroyed,
About to suffer a fate I could not avoid;
I dropped to my knees; asked Allah for help,
His voice boomed in my ears, "You ignorant whelp!
I gave you the Bible, the Torah and Koran,
But you were too lazy to fully understand,
I told you to honor your neighbors and wives;
Not to enslave them, degrade them and their lives!
You invoke My name to sanction your deeds,
But you are the last thing that this world seems to need.
And so, I'll send you and bin Laden to Hell."
The last words I heard, as the did bombs fell,
So I stand here before you a captured man wreck,
They say I'm going to "gitmo" but I dont give a feck!
So film your news article, you infidel scroat!
but when I board that damn plane, dont you dare mount my Goat!
Faux News: Er.... thank you...Mr Talban...that was very enlightening!
