Jevski

Just wanted to share.

Found these gems on another forum:



Vietnam Army Helicopter Lessons
EVERYTHING I EVER NEEDED TO KNOW IN LIFE I LEARNED AS A HELICOPTER CREW IN VIETNAM.


* Once you are in the fight, it is way too late to wonder if this is a good idea.
* It is a fact that helicopter tail rotors are instinctively drawn toward trees, stumps, rocks, etc. While it may be possible to ward off this natural event some of the time, it cannot, despite the best efforts of the crew, always be prevented. It's just what they do.
* NEVER get into a fight without more ammunition than the other guy.
* The engine RPM and the rotor RPM must BOTH be kept in the GREEN. Failure to heed this commandment can affect the morale of the crew.
* Cover your Buddy, so he can be around to cover for you.
* Decisions made by someone above you in the chain-of-command will seldom be in your best interest.
* The terms Protective Armor and Helicopter are mutually exclusive.
* Sometimes, being good and lucky still is not enough.
* "Chicken Plates" are not something you order in a restaurant.
* If everything is as clear as a bell, and everything is going exactly as planned, you're about to be surprised.
* Loud, sudden noises in a helicopter WILL get your undivided attention.
* The BSR (Bang Stare Red) Theory states that the louder the sudden bang in the helicopter, the quicker your eyes will be drawn to the gauges. The longer you stare at the gauges the less time it takes them to move from green to red.
* No matter what you do, the bullet with your name on it will get you. So, too, can the ones addressed "To Whom It May Concern".
* If the rear echelon troops are really happy, the front line troops probably do not have what they need.
* If you are wearing body armor, they will probably miss that part.
* Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.
* Having all your body parts intact and functioning at the end of the day beats the alternative.
* If you are allergic to lead, it is best to avoid a war zone.
* It is a bad thing to run out of airspeed, altitude, and ideas all at the same time.
* Hot garrison chow is better than hot C-rations which, in turn, are better than cold C-rations, which are better than no food at all. All of these, however, are preferable to cold rice balls, even if they do have the little pieces of fish in them.
* Everybody's a hero ... on the ground ... in the club ... after the fourth drink.
* A free fire zone has nothing to do with economics.
* The further you fly into the mountains, the louder the strange engine noises become.
* Medals are OK, but having your body and all your friends in one piece at the end of the day is better.
* Being shot hurts.
* "Pucker Factor" is the formal name of the equation that states the more hairy the situation is, the more of the seat cushion will be sucked up your *******. It can be expressed in its mathematical formula of S (suction) + H (height) above ground) + I (interest in staying alive) + T (# of tracers coming your way)
* Thus the term '****!' can also be used to denote a situation where high Pucker Factor is being encountered.
* Thousands of Vietnam Veterans earned medals for bravery every day. A few were even awarded.
* Running out of pedal, fore or aft cyclic, or collective are all bad ideas. Any combination of these can be deadly.
* There is only one rule in war: When you win, you get to make up the rules.
* C-4 can make a dull day fun.
* There is no such thing as a fair fight-only ones where you win or lose.
* If you win the battle you are entitled to the spoils. If you lose you don't care.
* Nobody cares what you did yesterday or what you are going to do tomorrow. What is important is what you are doing-NOW-to solve our problem.
* Always make sure someone has a P-38. Uh, that's a can opener for those of you who aren't military.
* Prayer may not help . . . but it can't hurt.
* Flying is better than walking. Walking is better than running. Running is better than crawling. All of these, however, are better than extraction by a Med-Evac, even if it is, technically, a form of flying.
* If everyone does not come home, none of the rest of us can ever fully come home either.
* Do not fear the enemy, for your enemy can only take your life. It is far better that you fear the media, for they will steal your HONOR.
* A grunt is the true reason for the existence of the helicopter. Every helicopter flying in Vietnam had one real purpose: To help the grunt. It is unfortunate that many helicopters never had the opportunity to fulfill their one true mission in life, simply because someone forgot this fact.
* If you have not been there and done that . . . you probably will not understand most of these.

* - Everyone is a student in a helicopter
* - If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. Unless your in a helicopter, then you need to find another stick.
* - Gravity never loses. The best you can hope for is a draw.
* - Try not to get yourself into a Blew Blade situation... You know, where 1 blew this way, another blew that way... And if you do, push full right pedal and stare at the OAT gauge until impact
* - People fly airplanes, pilots fly helicopters
* - Learning to hover is like standing on top of a greasy basketball, while patting your head and rubbing your stomach.
* - Runways are for beauty queens
* - A mile of road takes you nowhere, a mile of runway takes you elsewhere, a helicopter takes you anywhere.
* - Airplanes resemble birds. Helicopters resemble bug-like creatures from a sci-fi movie.
* - Never fly wearing anything you wouldn't want to hike in
* - A helicopter is five thousand moving parts trying to do you bodily harm
* - Never stand in a shadow thats getting bigger
* - A Chinook - Two palm trees flying around in a dumpster trying to copulate
* - If the button is Red, Yellow and Black Striped, or Dusty - DO NOT Touch It! If you DO push a button and it does something you don't want it to or the other pilot starts squealing, Push it again - Fast!
* -Helicopters don't fly, they beat the air into submission.


Part of preflight briefing:
"If we crash and I am moving - Follow Me. If I'm not moving, take me with you."


Q: Whats the difference between a helicopter and it's pilot?
A: The helicopter stops whining when it finishes work!

Q: What is a helicopter formation?
A: Any two helicopters traveling in the same genral direction on a given day.


As an helicopter pilot, one of two bad things can happen to you and one of them will happen:
a. One day you will walk out to the helicopter knowing that it is your last flight.
b. One day you will walk out to the helicopter not knowing that it is your last flight.


After dying in a helicopter crash, three Medevac crew members find themselves at an orientation to enter heaven. Each one was asked, "When you are in your casket, what would you like to hear your friends and family saying about you?" Sean says, "I would like to hear them say I was a great medic and a great family man." Karl says, "I would like to hear them say I was a wonderful husband and an excellent pilot who made a difference."
The copilot says, "I would like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!'"

DoorGunner53E

God bless you...hahahaha. Thats is on the money! Always trying to cram more hope into our lives. Great find.

Betterdeadthanred

LOL, awesome and so very true.

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gijoe

o is it ever, especially the part about the tail rotor and the trees (happens to me all the time)

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Sabre_Tooth_Tigger

Helis can auto rotate the blades to land even without an engine, sometimes..

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DoorGunner53E

"Helis can auto rotate the blades to land even without an engine, sometimes.."

Sabre Tooth Tigger,
Sometimes being the "keyword". Me and my pilots left a zone in afghanistan with the feeling that we had covered all the bases in our briefing. When I was loading the plane we had asked the NGO's that had supplies to be dropped what the weight was and we took them on thier word that they HAD weighed it. Long story short, LLL night, 0 illumination, overshot the zone, couldnt find it, got slow. In the window I noticed the wind stopped, automatically heard the engines trying to keep the rotor speed up and then it was nothing but screams to "brace for impact" and the co-pilot screaming "roll the nose", with nothing to roll we went straight down pushing full right pedal, the turns were already to low to recover much. We hit the ground from about 310' AGL and I remember asking in silence for him to roll the heliopter over on the right side to stack the blades in the back of the plane so we would not get chopped in half. My pilots were both veterans with 1000's of hours and they recovered it in textbook fashion. It was a nightmare on the ground bouncing all over until he got it steady, noone talked for a minute after we stopped. The NGO's overloaded us by 3000 lbs, and our margin went from 3 % HOGE to -2 % HOGE at 40 ft because of the hotter temperature down south. My friend did it the next day too, but this time I got to watch what happened to me the day prior.

Jevski

Or how about this cocky pilot

d1sp0sabl3H3r0

What are the two most deadly words in aviation?

Watch this!

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|TG-X|d1sp0sabl3

westyfield

That's pure brilliance!
I like the last point of Jevskis original post best
And also: happiness may be a belt fed weapon, but it's also a warm gun!

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|TG-Irr| westyfield

Thanks Oldirti for this sig!
Irregular since Sept 15th, 2007
I'll procrastinate... later.