Spent 3 hours with Mom going over the advanced directive as she waited for surgery--boy is she picky! "I don't want to be tube fed, but you can resuscitate, once! They can sustain life, but only if...and only for x long, and only for these reasons..." on and on like that. We had fun with it, but it was still difficult. She made me executor instead of Dad. Said he mightn't have the nerve to follow her wishes. She was sorry, but if I was willing...? I was willing. I hope my Dad can forgive me if I have to make decisions he can't make. I hope I can forgive me, if it comes to that.

She went through pins, screws, metal bar in her bone etc. well, and is upbeat. Her first day after she was looking bad and feeling worse--she said they gave her the wrong pain meds. They said, no, these are good, you'll like them better. She said get me off of these things, I mean it. They said just wait a bit...then they took her off pain meds and just gave her anti-inflammatories for swelling (her idea). She felt great then, and went wheeling about the hospital in a chair next day. With no pain meds. After a broken femur, lying in shock in the snow 2 hours, and waiting 38 more before having some pretty nasty surgery...did I mention she's pretty tough?

The doctors are "99% sure" the break was cancer-related. She also needed a blood transfusion this morning, and she wasn't real straightforward about why that was. She also hadn't eaten much for 3 weeks leading up to this because her throat and esophagus are swollen and partially paralyzed, and everything tastes awful, particularly sweet things...and she was telling me it was a bad throat infection she got. Maybe I should get Hugh Laurie involved.

It's funny, her strength of conviction is such that very few people, especially me, my Dad and my brother, question her much when she says something is this way, or she wants this not that. A. she's almost always right, and B. resistance is futile. She goes her own way, always has, and it usually works for her--no-one knows how she gets away with it. She just ignores the system, the "common knowledge" and the status quo, trusts in God, prays about it, makes up her mind and goes about doing whatever it is she decides to do. Dad doesn't get this. I get it half the time. I'm not sure how much my brother gets.

She sounds like a religious freak, but she's really not--it's just real for her in a way that it isn't with most people. She acts on it all the time, not just on Sunday, or when she's inspired to do so, or remembers she's "supposed to". She will do this even if it means she must suffer terribly--I can' imagine it's fun using a walker with a broken femur held together with a steel bar, pins, screws, and whatnot--without painkillers or a cast...

She won't be tube-fed, but she can barely chew or swallow. She almost said no to the transfusion. Mom, I hope you know what you're doing, and I hope I can truly help in the way you need, when it comes time.

Heartfelt thanks and gratitude to all those who have posted, PM'd and + repped back about this with their prayers and well-wishes. God bless you all, and those who thought it and didn't post too. Life has been very sweet and good for a while now, and I was due for a bit of struggle. I'm OK with that.

Um, I'm a little broke now after this trip, so...my SM might lapse a bit. We'll see!