Originally Posted by E-Male

Any comments on the following excerpt?

There is certainly many studies on violent video game research which conclude that there is a high degree of correspondence between virtual acts of violence and real-world violence. Nonetheless, my own ethnographic study of the Tactical Gamer community has led me to question the validity of any substantial correlation between violent video games and degenerative psychological effects. Both the acts and emotional states I observed among players of Battlefield 2 may be more comparable to that of an enthusiastic chess player removing an opponents pawn from the chess board. From the outside, a violent video game such as Battlefield 2 looks like an extreme form of aggression. Yet a careful study of the Tactical Gamer community delivers a different story.

The Tactical Gamer community is populated by friends that have established consensual rules and mechanisms for dispute resolution. This is a community that has successfully created a virtual environment for learning teamwork, managing groups, solving problems, and resolving interpersonal disputes. This community functions as a sophisticated training environment were individuals learn to play by community norms, debate over those community norms and adapt them to changing conditions, and work in teams to accomplish complex tasks. While players with a good ‘twitch’ finger (those with high kill scores) are respected, individuals who are good team players and those who with good leadership skills are also highly sought after as team mates.

It is significant that this community of mature gamers (with an average age of approximately 30) rejects many of the conclusions found within research that paints violent video games as inherently anti-social and psycholgically degenerative. Their own experience of playing one of the most advanced warfare simulation games gives them many reasons for rejecting overstated generalizations made by researchers who often lack an intimate knowledge of the gamer’s own experience.

Looking good Emale. I've got some suggested edits (since you asked)

First paragraph, first sentence...change is to are.

Second paragraph, third sentence...change were to where.

Third paragraph first sentence...change psycholgically to psychologically

Back to second paragraph, third sentence...If I were your editor I'd tighten up a bit here.

From:

This community functions as a sophisticated training environment were individuals learn to play by community norms, debate over those community norms and adapt them to changing conditions, and work in teams to accomplish complex tasks.

to:

This community functions as a sophisticated training environment in which individuals learn to play by community norms, debate and adapt those norms, and work in teams to accomplish complex tasks.


2nd paragraph, fourth sentence. I'd suggest "twitch finger" is jingoistic, even with your definition added. (assuming this is intended for an academic journal)

I'd suggest changing it to: While players with a fast reflexes are respected, individuals who are good team players and possess good leadership skills are also highly sought after as team mates.

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My sense is you were looking for comments on content not structure. Pardon my urge to red pen it...That's the English major in me I guess. Content looks great. I recognize, good Doctor, that this is likely your first draft so please kindly indulge my vain attempts at editing.

Where will this be published? I welcome the positive light you shine on the TG community and it'd sure be nice to see the finished copy in print.

It's nice to have something NICE about the internet get some positive press Yay Tactical Gamer....

Cheers