Shurikane

In a handy compendium, here is a list of common n00b maneuvers seen throughout the average pub battlefields. A good soldier must be sure to recognize them, laugh at them, and thus avoid them. Truly great soldiers will refer themselves to page 36 of The Alphabet of Manliness.

The Impossible Fire Hose: This is one of those Titan corridor meatgrinders where the n00bs all rush in piecewise in one smooth motion and only requires one Ganz clip. The maneuver often resembles a snake formation in Rainbow Six. The sheer difficulty in suspending one's disbelief as he witnesses the massacre has led to those events being labeled as "impossible".

The Event Horizon: When n00bs congregate into such a tight and numerous mass that the act of podding in the center of the group results in the mass collapsing upon itself as they teamkill each other trying to shoot you down.

Chocolate Shotgun: This is what happens when an enemy battlewalker suddenly arrives on the premises. n00bs scatter in random directions (not necessarily leading to cover) and often lose bowel control.

Ring of Fire: A common occurence when riding in vehicles with a n00b in the gunner seat. Will often shoot everywhere in an arc for no reason and attract unwanted attention from gunships.

Great Balls of Fire: When the n00b happens to be in the driver seat and bowls his vehicle into a widely visible field of motion mines.

The "I Moved to Hollywood": When the n00bs spend a lot of time and energy in preparation, try really hard, and nothing comes out. See also: Footage of Vertomac getting shanked during a Titan defense operation.

Casper The Friendly Compost: When the n00b finds himself spending more time dead than alive.

The Girlfriend: Keeps going, and going, and going...

The Survivor: When you think you're safe from the n00b at last, he throws a grenade that ricochets right into your face. This is usually the cause of many teamkills because people often forget to check their backs after moving to a new position. The grenade often wipes out the squad , and you end up having to mop corpses off the floor.

The Prison Break: When you've distracted and held the n00bs away for over thirty minutes, and you have to move to the most critical flag, the circumstances will give way to a solid application of Murphy's Law what will exploit a crack in your luck streak, completely decimating your squad in one fell swoop and causing the nearby medics to run away from you as they spot one lone enemy Recon over your corpse with nothing but a pistol.

__________________

jonathanshifty

lol nice. the impossible fire hose: since im a bianchi whore whenever i witness a squad in a straight line i mow them all down in disbelief. lol

__________________
GO MANCHESTER UNITED ALL THE WAY!
HAIL CRISTIANO RONALDO
in game name= TG Shifty.P
2nd in the US with bianchi lmg for most kills
7th in the world with Bianchi LMG for most kills
K/D of 31/1 with bianchi
LYra=stop aimbotting shifty

Zhohar

Shurikane, I find humiliation to be a poor teacher of both men and boys.
Check your tone, please. We're here to be supportive and to teach people: TG is not a place for mockery. Tactical advice is constructive and encouraged: a side of gloating and negativity along with it is not appreciated.

We were all newbies once.

__________________

sc1ence

While I appreciate the tongue and cheek attempt at humor, I think the overuse of derogatory term n00b here and the general tone of the post is not all that helpful or mature.

Educating our players through insightful and well written posts is a good thing and part of what makes TG great. We are also known to have a decent sense of humor as many posts bring about a good laugh. Your post has some good points that will probably be lost on newer players by insulting them by calling them n00bs.

Uranium - 235

You're right, sure, but most of what he wrote isn't something you learn, it's common sense. You don't need to learn from TG that the Ring of Fire is worthless and gets you killed. The game SHOWS you if you're doing any damage, so shooting that walker does nothing. You'd have to be dense not to understand that.

Sure shooting gunships DOES do damage, but it's sometimes prudent to hold your fire. Learning restraint is one thing. Shooting tanks at the edge of your vision with the machine gun just makes me want to hunt you down and smack you with a prybar.

__________________

MDFubar

Man, do you ever have anything positive to say?!

__________________


"No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country."
- General George Patton Jr

-[MG]- Tarkovsky74

I have made most of these mistakes, the ricochet tk grenade being my favourite. Since finding the TG and MG servers though my gameplay has much inproved.

RedForman

I've always been bad at tossing grenades for whatever reason, in any game. I swear those things are made of super-ball grade rubber.

__________________
"I've been working since I was sixteen. I fought two in wars. Hell, I've killed people. I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy it..."
-- Red Forman

|TG-Irr|RedForman

spiff913

Sure he does -

__________________
.

Zoopy

I didn't think it was possible to destroy the reputation of the great literary classic "The Alphabet of Manliness", but there you go.

spiff913

Why just last night I bounced a grenade off my own squad leader's Otus.

Boy did that suck...

__________________
.

Uranium - 235

What gets me are the crappy 'throw' dynamics.

One would think having the 'throw' meter halfway would throw it half as far as a regular throw, right?

No! Anything less than about 80% 'throw' will simply throw it 5 feet or less, with expectant results...

__________________

Skill4Lif3

Haha, this is admittedly true as I've done this quite a lot when I first started playing...However, it's up to us to teach these "noobs" the proper play and teamwork that makes this game fun right?

__________________

Jakaleel

Sometimes tossing grenades with a VOIP "Sorry, bad grenade", is similar to driving and yelling "FORE" at the same time. I mostly stick to EMPS. They don't TK and earn points.

__________________
|TG-21| Jakaleel
SAAW Team

machowner

Its not about earning points. Personally I would rather end up TK'ed instead of accidentally emped and then owned by some other guy taking advantage of us being emped.

__________________