In a handy compendium, here is a list of common n00b maneuvers seen throughout the average pub battlefields. A good soldier must be sure to recognize them, laugh at them, and thus avoid them. Truly great soldiers will refer themselves to page 36 of The Alphabet of Manliness.

The Impossible Fire Hose: This is one of those Titan corridor meatgrinders where the n00bs all rush in piecewise in one smooth motion and only requires one Ganz clip. The maneuver often resembles a snake formation in Rainbow Six. The sheer difficulty in suspending one's disbelief as he witnesses the massacre has led to those events being labeled as "impossible".

The Event Horizon: When n00bs congregate into such a tight and numerous mass that the act of podding in the center of the group results in the mass collapsing upon itself as they teamkill each other trying to shoot you down.

Chocolate Shotgun: This is what happens when an enemy battlewalker suddenly arrives on the premises. n00bs scatter in random directions (not necessarily leading to cover) and often lose bowel control.

Ring of Fire: A common occurence when riding in vehicles with a n00b in the gunner seat. Will often shoot everywhere in an arc for no reason and attract unwanted attention from gunships.

Great Balls of Fire: When the n00b happens to be in the driver seat and bowls his vehicle into a widely visible field of motion mines.

The "I Moved to Hollywood": When the n00bs spend a lot of time and energy in preparation, try really hard, and nothing comes out. See also: Footage of Vertomac getting shanked during a Titan defense operation.

Casper The Friendly Compost: When the n00b finds himself spending more time dead than alive.

The Girlfriend: Keeps going, and going, and going...

The Survivor: When you think you're safe from the n00b at last, he throws a grenade that ricochets right into your face. This is usually the cause of many teamkills because people often forget to check their backs after moving to a new position. The grenade often wipes out the squad , and you end up having to mop corpses off the floor.

The Prison Break: When you've distracted and held the n00bs away for over thirty minutes, and you have to move to the most critical flag, the circumstances will give way to a solid application of Murphy's Law what will exploit a crack in your luck streak, completely decimating your squad in one fell swoop and causing the nearby medics to run away from you as they spot one lone enemy Recon over your corpse with nothing but a pistol.