Wtf do I do? - Page 2

**GhostintheShell** · 01-25-2008, 06:21 AM

From my experience with women all that women really want is "security"...well, at least that's what they start yelling when I try to talk to them in bars...

Evo<^|SiNz|^> · 01-25-2008, 07:14 AM

It sounds like you need to figure out what you want, man... To me, and probably to her, it sounds like you're not ready for the commitment. You want her bad when she's not with you, but when you get back together you lose interest again. Again, to me, that just sounds like you aren't ready to sacrifice anything to be with her. And that's fine, but you either need to come to terms with it and accept the fact that you're not going to hold on to a girlfriend for very long being selfish, or you need to just drop everything and turn things around with this girl.

It sounds like it might be too late already, and it also sounds like you don't really want to commit to her but want all the benefits of a relationship (have your cake and eat it too, yadda yadda yadda).

Oh, and everything Axis said.

**Long Bow** · 01-25-2008, 10:01 AM

[quote=friedchicken321;895477] I have been neglecting her and not really appreciating her. I don't know why I do that, but I have a tendency to do things like that because I've never NOT gotten what I wanted.

I did the same thing to her a few months before we broke up, and she threw fits and cried and we eventually broke up. This time, though, she's so calm and nice, and she hasn't gotten upset or even tried to talk to me about it. Instead, she's just pulling away.

QUOTE]

A lot of good info here, especially Axis' post. You need to address your issues first. You say you never not get what you want. Thats great and all for you but a relationship is more then one person. Its amazing how great things can get for yourself when you stop worrying about your needs first. If you actually listen and pay attention to what is important to her and act on those things life will get better. Actions speak louder then words. If you tell her you love her all the time but are inconsiderate to her needs it doesn't mean jack to her.

I have never seen a sucssesfull relationship that didn't require some comprimise on both parts. It sounds like you may need to compromise some of your needs and start meeting some of hers. It isn't all about money either. You can buy her all the gifts and dinners in the world but if all she wants is for you to stay in once and while and watch a movie of her choice your missing the point. Choose her over a night out with the guys or time on the PC once and a while, show her that she is important enough to you to pick her first.

Try putting in some effort and really listen to her. If you are still clueless as to her needs or she is still distant talk about it. I think it will mean more if you clue in on your own then to ask her straight out what she wants. Like her telling you "you never buy me flowers anymore" cue you going to the store that day and buying flowers, doesn't go over well. Good luck.

friedchicken321 · 01-25-2008, 11:09 AM

Thanks guys.

I wish I read the replies sooner. I tried to avoid talking to her about it by not seeing her or calling her lately, so I woke up this morning to a nice and calm text message, telling me that it's over.

****, now I need to know how to get her back.

friedchicken321 · 01-25-2008, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Axis of Eeevil

I've been with one woman for 16 years, married for 13 of them. She loves me and will do almost anything for me, because she trusts me and knows I will do the same. That's my cred.

I recognize the signals she's giving, if your description is accurate. She decided to give you another chance because she either loves you, wants to love you, or doesn't want to feel all the time she spent with you was for nothing.

No matter what her reason for doing so, know this: she gave you another chance and wants (or wanted) it to work. You have very little time, if any, to pull yourself out of your pattern of (admitted it yourself) self-indulgence.

Can you be the man who will take care of her when her looks go, after she has babies, when she [insert all the things a woman fears a man will leave her for or not feel attracted to here]? A nice dinner out will not cut it. It's make a change time, not relationship band-aid time, sorry.

Here's the question in almost any girl or woman's mind: can I trust him? Will he still love me? Will he take care of my needs? This is particularly true for those especially conscious of their good looks, which fade with youth. The glamour crowd has a heightened awareness of this spectre of age, which makes the question all the more important to a woman who's career is likely over at 26, if that. Plenty of men want her now, but she knows that outward attraction may not last. She has self doubts (as all women do) about her worth, her ability to make someone happy, to attract a man and then keep him other than with the lure of sex.

All right. Time for some more honesty--from a stranger on the internet

who wishes nothing but good for you, but wishes good for both of you.
In hearing what you have to say about her, I'd say she's right to be questioning you and hedging her bets--I'm sure you're a good guy, but listen to yourself--

What are you trying to convince yourself of? That she's worth the effort? That you really should like her? That you may not get a chance to "have" someone this good again? Do you hear how that sounds? This is not just a pretty thing that's fun to boink and fun to be around, is it? She's not the last DVD player on the sale shelf at Target, right? So don't try to make the decision to try to "have" her, as if she is a thing. This is a real woman who wants a real man. I know you know that, so don't get irate with me, I'm just telling you that I know you know, and that means she will know what your motivations are if they are something other than what you claim or want or wish them to be.

If you can't be willing to give up what you want in order to show her you are worth her effort, her risk, her commitment--then it's not love, so don't bother--it won't last even if you do con yourselves into thinking it's real. Giving up what you want is the only way to grow up into what she needs you to be for her. Because we all grow up getting most of what we want, (some of us more than others) we get used to that being our primary focus.
If we are the most important thing in our life, THAT is what keeps us from being able to love others. If you won't do it for her sake, of course she will go somewhere else. And why shouldn't she? If you're not ready, be straight about it and let her go so she can find fulfillment. Don't dog her around so you can have something pretty for a few more months. If you want to change for her sake (not a halfway change for yours,see above) but don't know what to do to show her--tell her that.

If on the other hand you really can't imagine anything in your life worth holding on to more than her, then don't hesitate, don't bargain and don't hold back: ditch it, toss it all, step away and don't look back. Don't stop going toward her! If it's too late, or you read her wrong, or she proves false, it will break your heart. That's the risk we take. If she's true, and you're in time, and you do it right, you'll be happy for the rest of your life, and never have to fear. "Finer than gold and rubies, above all price, and beyond all worth."

I have lots of things in my life to cause fear, worry, or stress, but because I never worry about whether my wife loves me and is devoted to me no matter what--I can take it all on, one by one, sun by sun.

Without God to guide, I would have no wife.

Two days after I met her I knew she was the one. For the next 3 and a half years, I didn't make a decision that didn't take her and her needs into consideration; and what I had to do to become the one for her, that's what I did. It sometimes felt like I was giving up an important part of me, but she was more important. And once we became close, I saw she was giving things up for me too. We were becoming, and still are becoming, the perfect mate for the other--not for our own pleasure's sake, or wants and desires, but to meet and fulfill theirs. Thus we are both fulfilled, and by communicating, we keep each other on track in the pursuit of that goal. That's how two become one, the way we are meant to be.

Hope this helps.

Thanks dude. I knew she was the one after I met her, too, just that feeling. I know that she felt I was the one, too, but I guess now she's doubting it.

muller123456 · 01-25-2008, 11:59 AM

girls like something gentle like : wine , a real good restaurant, and all those kind of things, ( show her that you realy love her )

**Long Bow** · 01-25-2008, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by friedchicken321

Thanks guys.

I wish I read the replies sooner. I tried to avoid talking to her about it by not seeing her or calling her lately, so I woke up this morning to a nice and calm text message, telling me that it's over.

****, now I need to know how to get her back.

That will require you to talk to her and probably see her in person you know

You need to get your head on straight. You can't say to yourself she is great, you want her in your life and she is "the one" and then ignore her. You need to lay it all out for her, admit you treated her poorly. Not because you don't want to be with her but rather you didn't know how to deal with the relationship once it got more serious. You were distant only because you didn't know how to talk to her about it not because you wanted her gone. If you can get that across to her and ask for her to help you become better at being in a relationship with her you may get back on track. It will take you some time to learn and change and she needs to be on board with that, tell her you need her help with it. This is going to require you to be honest with yourself about how you feel and honest with her, now and in the future. You cant let things slide in a relationship and hope it fixes itself. Trust me I have tried that with my wife and lived some miserable months at a time over something I could have talked out first.

Now if all you think is that shes "hot" and you want her because she's fun but don't think about any kind of future with her then don't bother. Im not saying future as in you want to marry her but you don't want her to not be in your life. If your not truly backing up what your saying she will figure that out in short time and be gone. Figure out what you really want and go from there. Good luck.

muller123456 · 01-25-2008, 12:00 PM

try to get her back uhaha

**Grunt 70** · 01-25-2008, 03:00 PM

you must spread rep around ...yada yada...before giving it Axis again.

the man speaks the truth. If you want things to be right you have to level with your self and with her...probably in that order.

Start with..." I think I owe you a big apology..." it can only go up from there...

Bodofooko · 01-25-2008, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by friedchicken321

Whenever we go out, I see guys who stare at her and she gets hit on a lot when she's by herself or with her girlfriends.

TheFatKidDeath · 01-25-2008, 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by friedchicken321

I probably should not write this on this forum, since it will make me look like a pussy. I've had this girlfriend for over two years (we broke up for a few months last year) and we got back together a few months ago after seeing her again. Things were great, but I know that lately, I have been neglecting her and not really appreciating her. I don't know why I do that, but I have a tendency to do things like that because I've never NOT gotten what I wanted.

I did the same thing to her a few months before we broke up, and she threw fits and cried and we eventually broke up. This time, though, she's so calm and nice, and she hasn't gotten upset or even tried to talk to me about it. Instead, she's just pulling away.

I know she wants to leave me and I'm not sure how to convince her to stay. She's amazing: model, smart, patient, nice, and the best sex ever. I'm afraid that if I let her go, someone else will find her and never let her go, and then Ill never get a chance again.

Urgh, what should I do?

My question:

How old are you?

If you are under 25 you do not need to have a girlfriend.

Secondly:

You need professional help - and I am no way making light of your situation. I've learned alot from this man:

http://www.blowmeuptom.com/

You can web broad cast him if he's not on the air in your state.

**Axis of Eeevil** · 01-25-2008, 03:23 PM

Too little, too late. Don't spend energy trying to get back the one that got away, came back to you and left again when she didn't see what she was looking for. A break-up won't be enough to make you (or anyone else, for the most part) significantly change for more than a month or two...

Trust me.

Let her go, take the regret, sadness, frustration, whatever, and use them as the driving force to start making the changes you need to make! Act as if she still is there, waiting for you. Tell her you know you blew it, she was right to leave, and you're sorry you couldn't be what she needed, but that you are going to make the changes in your life that you need to. Don't ask her to give you another chance. You just wish her the best, she deserves it, and you admit you're not the best for her right now. Just leave it at that, and if she really felt you could be the one, she'll start coming back to check in on your progress.

If you have made progress, she may even want to get back together, but resist! Tell her you want to be really ready for her, and you still have work to do to be worthy, and you just don't want to hurt her again. That should do it...

If on the other hand she is truly DONE with you, these changes you've made won't be for nothing. There is more than one woman that is perfect for you out there, and she will come along at the right time, if you believe, right at the point that you can truly be the man she needs. Have faith, start before you feel ready. Strike while the iron is hot! A sword must be forged and beaten, tempered and ground, balanced and sharpened, before it can do the job it's made to do. So it is with the heart.

friedchicken321 · 01-25-2008, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheFatKidDeath

My starting question:

How old are you?

I'm 28.

friedchicken321 · 01-25-2008, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Axis of Eeevil

Too little, too late. Don't spend energy trying to get back the one that got away, came back to you and left again when she didn't see what she was looking for. A break-up won't be enough to make you (or anyone else, for the most part) significantly change for more than a month or two...

Trust me.

Let her go, take the regret, sadness, frustration, whatever, and use them as the driving force to start making the changes you need to make! Act as if she still is there, waiting for you. Tell her you know you blew it, she was right to leave, and you're sorry you couldn't be what she needed, but that you are going to make the changes in your life that you need to. Don't ask her to give you another chance. You just wish her the best, she deserves it, and you admit you're not the best for her right now. Just leave it at that, and if she really felt you could be the one, she'll start coming back to check in on your progress.

If you have made progress, she may even want to get back together, but resist! Tell her you want to be really ready for her, and you still have work to do to be worthy, and you just don't want to hurt her again. That should do it...

If on the other hand she is truly DONE with you, these changes you've made won't be for nothing. There is more than one woman that is perfect for you out there, and she will come along at the right time, if you believe, right at the point that you can truly be the man she needs. Have faith, start before you feel ready. Strike while the iron is hot! A sword must be forged and beaten, tempered and ground, balanced and sharpened, before it can do the job it's made to do. So it is with the heart.

Yeah, thanks, you're right. I do need to change. It sucks because I know that I basically left her with no choice but to leave me. She really is one of the nicest people I've ever met and would never personally hurt anything--so I know that she's hurting too, right now. I haven't even acknowledged that we're not together anymore. I just hope that one day, I may be able to find her again and really appreciate and treat her the way she deserves.

**birdie_in_Texas** · 01-25-2008, 05:48 PM

give her a while, try to tell her you are sorry, and hope her new boyfriend doesn't kick you in the stones..

you did it not once, but twice, then decided as she is about to write you off that "she is the one for me"..but until she was pulling away, you didn't seem to think that much..right?

it is possible to change, but do you want to change yourself for someone to come back to you? or do you want to change for yourself..?

think about it..Likus will just tell you to go out and get some form another source and that you are awuss..

01-25-2008, 06:21 AM	#16 (permalink)
GhostintheShell Join Date: May 2003 Location: Guelph, Ontario Age: 37 Posts: 963	Re: Wtf do I do? From my experience with women all that women really want is "security"...well, at least that's what they start yelling when I try to talk to them in bars... __________________ Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter. Ernest Hemingway, "On the Blue Water," Esquire, April 1936

01-25-2008, 07:14 AM	#17 (permalink)
Evo<^\|SiNz\|^> Join Date: May 2006 Location: Alexandria, VA Age: 27 Posts: 1,161	Re: Wtf do I do? It sounds like you need to figure out what you want, man... To me, and probably to her, it sounds like you're not ready for the commitment. You want her bad when she's not with you, but when you get back together you lose interest again. Again, to me, that just sounds like you aren't ready to sacrifice anything to be with her. And that's fine, but you either need to come to terms with it and accept the fact that you're not going to hold on to a girlfriend for very long being selfish, or you need to just drop everything and turn things around with this girl. It sounds like it might be too late already, and it also sounds like you don't really want to commit to her but want all the benefits of a relationship (have your cake and eat it too, yadda yadda yadda). Oh, and everything Axis said. __________________ "No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country." - Attributed to General George Patton, Jr.

01-25-2008, 10:01 AM	#18 (permalink)
Long Bow Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Ontario, Canada Age: 30 Posts: 1,313	Re: Wtf do I do? [quote=friedchicken321;895477] I have been neglecting her and not really appreciating her. I don't know why I do that, but I have a tendency to do things like that because I've never NOT gotten what I wanted. I did the same thing to her a few months before we broke up, and she threw fits and cried and we eventually broke up. This time, though, she's so calm and nice, and she hasn't gotten upset or even tried to talk to me about it. Instead, she's just pulling away. QUOTE] A lot of good info here, especially Axis' post. You need to address your issues first. You say you never not get what you want. Thats great and all for you but a relationship is more then one person. Its amazing how great things can get for yourself when you stop worrying about your needs first. If you actually listen and pay attention to what is important to her and act on those things life will get better. Actions speak louder then words. If you tell her you love her all the time but are inconsiderate to her needs it doesn't mean jack to her. I have never seen a sucssesfull relationship that didn't require some comprimise on both parts. It sounds like you may need to compromise some of your needs and start meeting some of hers. It isn't all about money either. You can buy her all the gifts and dinners in the world but if all she wants is for you to stay in once and while and watch a movie of her choice your missing the point. Choose her over a night out with the guys or time on the PC once and a while, show her that she is important enough to you to pick her first. Try putting in some effort and really listen to her. If you are still clueless as to her needs or she is still distant talk about it. I think it will mean more if you clue in on your own then to ask her straight out what she wants. Like her telling you "you never buy me flowers anymore" cue you going to the store that day and buying flowers, doesn't go over well. Good luck. __________________

01-25-2008, 11:09 AM	#19 (permalink)
friedchicken321 Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 11	Re: Wtf do I do? Thanks guys. I wish I read the replies sooner. I tried to avoid talking to her about it by not seeing her or calling her lately, so I woke up this morning to a nice and calm text message, telling me that it's over. ****, now I need to know how to get her back.

01-25-2008, 11:59 AM	#21 (permalink)
muller123456 Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 4	Re: Wtf do I do? girls like something gentle like : wine , a real good restaurant, and all those kind of things, ( show her that you realy love her )

01-25-2008, 12:00 PM	#23 (permalink)
muller123456 Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 4	Re: Wtf do I do? try to get her back uhaha

01-25-2008, 03:00 PM	#24 (permalink)
Grunt 70 Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Massachusetts Age: 43 Posts: 2,504	Re: Wtf do I do? you must spread rep around ...yada yada...before giving it Axis again. the man speaks the truth. If you want things to be right you have to level with your self and with her...probably in that order. Start with..." I think I owe you a big apology..." it can only go up from there...

01-25-2008, 03:23 PM	#27 (permalink)
Axis of Eeevil Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Corvallis, OR Age: 36 Posts: 1,035	Re: Wtf do I do? Too little, too late. Don't spend energy trying to get back the one that got away, came back to you and left again when she didn't see what she was looking for. A break-up won't be enough to make you (or anyone else, for the most part) significantly change for more than a month or two... Trust me. Let her go, take the regret, sadness, frustration, whatever, and use them as the driving force to start making the changes you need to make! Act as if she still is there, waiting for you. Tell her you know you blew it, she was right to leave, and you're sorry you couldn't be what she needed, but that you are going to make the changes in your life that you need to. Don't ask her to give you another chance. You just wish her the best, she deserves it, and you admit you're not the best for her right now. Just leave it at that, and if she really felt you could be the one, she'll start coming back to check in on your progress. If you have made progress, she may even want to get back together, but resist! Tell her you want to be really ready for her, and you still have work to do to be worthy, and you just don't want to hurt her again. That should do it... If on the other hand she is truly DONE with you, these changes you've made won't be for nothing. There is more than one woman that is perfect for you out there, and she will come along at the right time, if you believe, right at the point that you can truly be the man she needs. Have faith, start before you feel ready. Strike while the iron is hot! A sword must be forged and beaten, tempered and ground, balanced and sharpened, before it can do the job it's made to do. So it is with the heart. __________________ Living proof that "Teamplay ensmartens the idiotest of us!" "*Let us be neither hasty nor tardy, and let us always be ready to make a new start. If you fall, rise up. If you fall again, rise up again.*" St. Peter of Damascus, ~1196 AD The Tao of TG \| TacticalWiki:Irregulars \| Got The Time (zone)? \| BFCL \| TG University \| Visit Our Sister Site!

01-25-2008, 05:48 PM	#30 (permalink)
birdie_in_Texas Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: TEXAS..! Age: 39 Posts: 2,561	Re: Wtf do I do? give her a while, try to tell her you are sorry, and hope her new boyfriend doesn't kick you in the stones.. you did it not once, but twice, then decided as she is about to write you off that "she is the one for me"..but until she was pulling away, you didn't seem to think that much..right? it is possible to change, but do you want to change yourself for someone to come back to you? or do you want to change for yourself..? think about it..Likus will just tell you to go out and get some form another source and that you are awuss.. __________________ Call of Duty - Official Rules, Announcements & SOPs Contact a CoD Admin Here

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