Originally Posted by WhiskeySix

It's funny cause it's true

• Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down!?
  
  
• Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
  
• Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
  
• Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
  
• Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
  
• If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
  
• If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
  
• You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done... not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
  
• Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
  
• ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Salmon is a fish. We have no idea what mauve is.
  
• If it itches, it will be scratched.
  
• If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing', we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
  
• If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
  
• When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... really.
  
  
• You have enough clothes.
  
• You have too many shoes.
  

I don't bother with the toilet seat since i have good aim. Too many video games .

My dad and i get yelled at all the time from subtle hints we don't pickup. When my mom says "The drive is slippery" she actually mean "I want you to scrap the ice and salt the Driveway". If you don't pick up, she'll do it herself and then torture you for the rest of the day.

Yes.

I like hearing the gripes of people, get me closer to girls at school. Though in my mother and sister's case, i just say to them "Is their anything that i can actually, physically, do?"

Oh god.

No one is fat, they're healthy and beautiful.

My mother says i'm oozing sarcasm in all my comments, even though i mean the opposite of what see thinks. I try to say what i mean but she won't listen.

My dad and i were working in the garden (bad idea) we spend 5 hours ramming poles into the ground and are just about done when my mother comes out and tells us we need to yank them out of the ground and rearrange them >.<.

I'm from a family of artists, so i see basically all the colors other men are blind too. I know mauve since i have a cat that is colored it .