Aging parents - Caregivers

ScratchMonkey · 07-15-2009, 09:24 PM

Anyone have suggestions for support forums for those of us now taking care of senior parents? My mom's 82 and has spent the last 4 months living with my brother, recovering from pneumonia. I don't doubt she'll need that kind of live-in care again. She doesn't drive, so there are other aspects of "care" that don't necessarily mean someone living there full time being a "parent" to her. But she's getting frail and needs a lot of physical assistance.

Ghost02 · 07-16-2009, 12:42 AM

My Grandmother is 95, she mine as well be my mother, and the biggest problem I have seen is trusting to many people. When you give your SS number to a cab driver something is wrong.

Mech__Warrior · 07-18-2009, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScratchMonkey

Anyone have suggestions for support forums for those of us now taking care of senior parents? My mom's 82 and has spent the last 4 months living with my brother, recovering from pneumonia. I don't doubt she'll need that kind of live-in care again. She doesn't drive, so there are other aspects of "care" that don't necessarily mean someone living there full time being a "parent" to her. But she's getting frail and needs a lot of physical assistance.

I don't know any support forums, but I've had several members of my extended family go to nursing homes if you need to talk to someone.

**TG Latina** · 07-18-2009, 05:33 PM

My mother suffered a stroke in January and I got a taste of what to come when she gets older. I on the other hand must say will have all the responsibility of taking care of her alone. That's not a problem for me and she's really good. Not cranky or anything. I can't imagine putting her in a home or anything similar because I won't be satisfied or sure how they will treat her. So that's not even an option. ScratchMonkey, I found this site. You can take a gander and see if it will help you in any way.

http://eldercare.infopop.cc/6/ubb.x

**DrBeat** · 07-18-2009, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mech__Warrior

I don't know any support forums, but I've had several members of my extended family go to nursing homes if you need to talk to someone.

Ditto. I have a grandparent in a special Alzheimer's Disease facility.

Mech__Warrior · 07-18-2009, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrBeat

Ditto. I have a grandparent in a special Alzheimer's Disease facility.

They didn't have Alzheimer's, they were just really old and they lived in rural areas.

Swifta · 07-19-2009, 12:27 AM

Hi there, saw the topic and it caught my eye...

My parents actually own a Adult Care Home. What I personally recommend you do is find a placement agency in your area. They are free to you (for the most part) and will answer probably all your questions. There are mainly 2 types of care homes: 1 - Smaller family oriented 1-5 patient facility; 2 - The apartment/institution type care facility. In my experience if your loved one needs assistance will all/most daily activities like getting dressed, shower, personal hygiene and such, then the smaller more family oriented care facility is probably better as you get more one on one care. On the other hand if your loved one still can walk, eat, shower ect. then you probably will save money by choosing at apartment like facility. If you have any other questions, feel free to PM me anytime.

**DrBeat** · 07-19-2009, 01:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mech__Warrior

They didn't have Alzheimer's, they were just really old and they lived in rural areas.

I was just saying for me.

Mech__Warrior · 07-19-2009, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrBeat

I was just saying for me.

What scares me the most is what we might have to face!

I'm kidding.

Mercenary90 · 07-19-2009, 12:22 PM

My father made me promise that I shoot him if he gets Alzheimer's or Parkinson's instead of sending him to a nursing home. I've heard very horrible things about those places, and Asian families like ours tend to follow the tradition of having our parents/grandparents live in the same house. However, I really do not know what I would do if my parents/grandparents did get some kind of a debilitating disease, but I would be extremely hesitant to send them to a nursing home.

Sarcoma · 07-19-2009, 01:34 PM

Hey monkey.

I’m just on the other side of the bay from you. Lots of "care" options available here in the bay area. You can set up in-home care for only a few hours a day (or more) if your mom just needs a little help and someone to checkup on her. That could include things such as:

House chores
Meds
meal(s)
social interaction
security check (they check up on windows, doors, mail, house and yard maintenance, pet care)...
Pretty much what ever you think you need can are willing to pay for.

Don’t forget the legal stuff. Protect your mother’s property and assets and wishes

A living trust is a great way for your mother to make her own decisions about property and money stuff while she still can
An Advance Directive. Let her put in print (her health care provider will have a packet with the forms) what she wants for her healthcare and end of life decisions. I know it’s hard to do, making her wishes known to the family will take out any guesswork you and the family will have.

Sarcoma

**kin3** · 07-20-2009, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarcoma

Hey monkey.

I’m just on the other side of the bay from you. Lots of "care" options available here in the bay area. You can set up in-home care for only a few hours a day (or more) if your mom just needs a little help and someone to checkup on her. That could include things such as:

House chores
Meds
meal(s)
social interaction
security check (they check up on windows, doors, mail, house and yard maintenance, pet care)...
Pretty much what ever you think you need can are willing to pay for.

Don’t forget the legal stuff. Protect your mother’s property and assets and wishes

A living trust is a great way for your mother to make her own decisions about property and money stuff while she still can
An Advance Directive. Let her put in print (her health care provider will have a packet with the forms) what she wants for her healthcare and end of life decisions. I know it’s hard to do, making her wishes known to the family will take out any guesswork you and the family will have.

Sarcoma

Been there done that and what he said is correct. Follow his advice.

ScratchMonkey · 07-21-2009, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarcoma

A living trust is a great way for your mother to make her own decisions about property and money stuff while she still can
An Advance Directive. Let her put in print (her health care provider will have a packet with the forms) what she wants for her healthcare and end of life decisions. I know it’s hard to do, making her wishes known to the family will take out any guesswork you and the family will have.

She's part way along on that, but it's painful getting her to write stuff down. She insists on "oral tradition" as if I had a good memory for that kind of thing, but I barely remember anything after talking to her. (She has that effect on me.) She's got a computer and can do email but barely. Understanding either email or web addresses seems beyond her. (She's got all her faculties. It's just a technical understanding thing.)

The support I'm looking for is more for those of us doing the caretaking, not for her. The frustration level gets very high. I suppose it's a bit like suddenly being dropped into the role of being a parent of a teenager, except the teen has significantly more power and autonomy. And knows just what buttons to push.

amu107.9 · 08-06-2009, 06:47 PM

I am doing some research for a patient on a totally different item and came across this magazine.

http://www.caregiver.com/index.htm
Since I am at work the cursory glance I gave it. Might help you or not.

ScratchMonkey · 08-07-2009, 04:01 PM

Thanks, that magazine looks really promising.