Project Reality Parody Thread

[CallousDisregard]

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to other asset-whoring, team-killing, snipers, and to practice these principles on the server. Instead of going up that same hill where we all died 4 times in a row.
Thank You
LMAO

[Delta*RandyShugart*]

Remember in Arma I when you accidentally killed a friendly you were placed in the "banana phone room"? Well my solution for this within PR is, when a CO is present, or when a squad, player, players take assets which are not assigned to them, or when they tk for an asset they should have to listen to this recording for 5 mins straight before being allowed to enter the server (if a kick is given) and if a ban is given well, then an essay should also be required upon listening to this video for ten minutes straight.:

[sporkife]

[mp40x]

President Obama's first State of Project Reality Speech:

Note: This is a rush transcript.

Obama: Game Officers, Admins, members of Tactical Gamer, distinguished guests, and fellow Americans, our SOP's declare that from time to time the president shall give to TG information about the state of Project Reaity. For 220 years, our leaders have fulfilled this duty. They've done so during periods of low FPS and tranquility, and they've done so in the midst of MD5Tool kicks and depression, at moments of great strife and great struggle with Punkbuster.

It's tempting to look back on these moments and assume that our progress was inevitable, that Project Reality was always destined to succeed.

But when the Mec forces were turned back at the Kashan bunkers and the Marines first landed at Jabal Beach, victory was very much in doubt. When the last Huey crashed on Muttrah City and the final Chinese APC rolled over into a ditch on Qwai River, the future was anything but certain.

These were the times that tested the courage of our rush tactics and the strength of our overall game plan. And despite all our divisions and disagreements in team chat, our hesitations and our fears of the JDAM, Project Reality prevailed because we chose to move forward as one community, as one people.

Again, we are tested. And again, we must answer history's call.

One year ago, I took office amid a horrible server crash, the last logistics truck abandoned on the far side of the map, an infantry squad that ran across an open field chasing an enemy sniper and was vaporized by tank, and a helo squad that seemed more intent on hovering above our squad and giving away our position than dropping crates or acting as much needed transport. Experts from across the gaming spectrum warned that if we did not act, we might face a second server crash.

So we acted, immediately and aggressively. And one year later, the worst of the storm has passed.

But the devastation remains: One in 10 Americans still don't use Mumble or don't even bother to buy a microphone. Many TS3 users have shuttered. Comm's discipline has declined. Small infantry squads and CAS spotters have been hit especially hard. And for those who'd already known a lack of proper comm's, life has become that much harder.

This recession has also compounded the burdens that America's families have been dealing with for decades, the burden of working harder and longer but still not being able to cap out the opposing team, of being unable to save enough to retire or help their kids upgrade their gaming rigs

So I know the anxieties that are out there right now. They're not new. These struggles are the reason I ran for president. These struggles are what I've witnessed for years in places like Kozelsk , Qinling , Yamalia , Al Basrah .

I hear about them in the letters that I read each night. The toughest to read are those written by children, asking why they don't have a new video card, asking when their mom or dad will be able to buy them some more RAM.

For these Americans and so many others, change has not come fast enough. Some are frustrated; some are angry. They don't understand why it seems like they are constantly TOW sniped, and hard work on the AA is disregarded by view distance, or why Micrsoft has been unable or unwilling to solve any of our CTD's or blue screen crashes.

They're tired of the Stryker that road past them as they walked out of the main and the lone wolf with the urge to camp out in D8. Or the one man LAV who says he's waiting for a friend to join the server to help him crew it. But, 20 minutes later there he sits, unresponsive to chat, AFK perhaps. They know we can't afford it, not now.........

He continues on, but I'd like to personally thank President Obama for taking the time to address this vital and important issue.

[AnimalMother]

bloody genius!

though i do fear for you to have the time and mindset to type this up :P