"Someone stole me penis!"

**DrunkenPirate** · 04-23-2008, 08:23 AM

At least that's what's going on in Africa...

Quote:

KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumours of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

"You just have to be accused of that, and people come after you. We've had a number of attempted lynchings. ... You see them covered in marks after being beaten," Kinshasa's police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko, told Reuters on Tuesday.

Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs. The 27 men have since been released.

"I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," Oleko said.

"But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it'," he said.

Some Kinshasa residents accuse a separatist sect from nearby Bas-Congo province of being behind the witchcraft in revenge for a recent government crackdown on its members.

"It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny," said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.

Source and full story: Clicky

**Long Bow** · 04-23-2008, 09:57 AM

"Sorry honey, thats as big as it's going to get, damn sorcerer got to me."

leejo · 04-23-2008, 10:37 AM

Two dudes alone in a back-house room,
Hornier than hell, with boners as proof,
One whipped it out as soon as he was able
Reached under the table,
Felt something like the handle of a broom,
Under the table,
Boom, boom, BOOM,
With a jack and a wank their gayness ensued
The door flew open with a crash and a boom.
THEN they had religion, THEN they had a vision.
SORCERY must have caused this revel in derision!
Then I saw the Congo, creeping through the black,
Gaying up the jungle with a golden track

I'm guessing that being a homosexual in Congo is much more hazardous to your health than getting busted with some wizard's hand on your crank.

Apologies to Vachel Lindsay.

War.mongeR1 · 04-23-2008, 11:01 AM

12 people were beaten to death? And some people wonder why many African countries aren't coming along quite like they should compared to the rest of the developing world. What a bizarre mentality many of them have over there. I can't even begin to understand it, so I guess I can't judge too much. Different cultures. Different mindsets. Strange (and barbaric) people indeed.

**Switchcraft** · 04-23-2008, 12:14 PM

Ha!

Quote:

“Who steals my purse, steals trash, but he that filches from me my johnson robs me of that which not enriches him and makes me poor indeed.”

RedForman · 04-23-2008, 12:25 PM

Geez, I guess any married man traveling over there better take off their gold rings, lest you be accused a sorcerer and beaten to death.

**Rincewind** · 04-23-2008, 04:40 PM

I had nothing to do with this.

**Skylark** · 04-24-2008, 01:26 AM

Fenian420 · 04-24-2008, 02:40 AM

That would be one hell of a way to start your morning..

aeroripper · 04-26-2008, 05:06 AM

Quote:

"It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny," said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.

LOL, I bust out laughing reading this part.

**Gogeta** · 04-27-2008, 03:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aeroripper

LOL, I bust out laughing reading this part.

me too xD

04-23-2008, 09:57 AM	#2 (permalink)
Long Bow Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Ontario, Canada Age: 29 Posts: 1,062	Re: "Someone stole me penis!" "Sorry honey, thats as big as it's going to get, damn sorcerer got to me." __________________

04-23-2008, 10:37 AM	#3 (permalink)
leejo Join Date: Sep 2003 Age: 39 Posts: 7,421	Re: "Someone stole me penis!" Two dudes alone in a back-house room, Hornier than hell, with boners as proof, One whipped it out as soon as he was able Reached under the table, Felt something like the handle of a broom, Under the table, Boom, boom, BOOM, With a jack and a wank their gayness ensued The door flew open with a crash and a boom. THEN they had religion, THEN they had a vision. SORCERY must have caused this revel in derision! Then I saw the Congo, creeping through the black, Gaying up the jungle with a golden track I'm guessing that being a homosexual in Congo is much more hazardous to your health than getting busted with some wizard's hand on your crank. Apologies to Vachel Lindsay.

04-23-2008, 11:01 AM	#4 (permalink)
War.mongeR1 Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: San Antonio, TX Posts: 1,113	Re: "Someone stole me penis!" 12 people were beaten to death? And some people wonder why many African countries aren't coming along quite like they should compared to the rest of the developing world. What a bizarre mentality many of them have over there. I can't even begin to understand it, so I guess I can't judge too much. Different cultures. Different mindsets. Strange (and barbaric) people indeed. __________________ "Common sense is not so common." -Voltaire

04-23-2008, 12:25 PM	#6 (permalink)
RedForman Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: MA Age: 27 Posts: 416	Re: "Someone stole me penis!" Geez, I guess any married man traveling over there better take off their gold rings, lest you be accused a sorcerer and beaten to death. __________________ "I've been working since I was sixteen. I fought two in wars. Hell, I've killed people. I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy it..." -- Red Forman \|TG-Irr\|RedForman

04-23-2008, 04:40 PM	#7 (permalink)
Rincewind Join Date: May 2005 Location: Casting useless spells in Oklahoma. Age: 27 Posts: 2,665	Re: "Someone stole me penis!" I had nothing to do with this. __________________ ~~ Veritas simplex oratio est ~~ No matter how far a wizard goes, he will always come back for his hat. --T. Pratchett <---- You know you're getting old when you rely on your forum meta-data to remind you how old you are. Required Reading for all TG sandboxers

04-24-2008, 01:26 AM	#8 (permalink)
Skylark Join Date: May 2003 Location: Kansas City area (U.S.A.) Age: 36 Posts: 649	Re: "Someone stole me penis!" __________________ "I've TKed better men then you, and I wasn't even trying!" BF2142 toons SkylarkAssault Skylark28 (Support) Snipelark (Recon) Eng.Skylark (Engineer)

04-24-2008, 02:40 AM	#9 (permalink)
Fenian420 Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Seattle Posts: 829	Re: "Someone stole me penis!" That would be one hell of a way to start your morning..

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