leejo

Typical story, really. A brilliant-but-unappreciated your scientist in Rangoon was dumping aborted babies into a blender to make a stem-cell smoothie when, unbeknownst to him, his glow-lite accidentally fell into the blender. When he had his smoothie, things began to change. His energy surged. His wee feet began to grow. Finally, when he invited random female scientists to "the gun show" they no longer peed themselves laughing. My main man, scientist extraordinaire, Rahdeesh Paramatathingapoo was finally a playa.

Recognizing the change in the tides of the winds at his sails, Rah ran down to the local pimparee and bought the fanciest floppy hat, the longest leopard skin coat, and the tallest platform shoes in the store, and proceeded to wrangle him up some bitches for a stable. Within weeks, Rah became know as "Pimp of the Village".

Yes, things were looking up for Pimp Paramatathingapoo. His wallet was never skinny. His hat was never not-floppy. His bitches always had his money and they knew he loved them, even when he had to beat one.

But of course, as we all know, in made up stories whenever a hero enjoys a meteoric rise, there must be an enemy, and there must be a plot, and there must be a climax during which time it seems all hope is lost. Blah blah blah and then his arch-enemy's plan became clear. Each night he would slip a roofie into Rah's drink. Each night, he would saw off a tiny piece of the bottom of Rah's beautiful platform shoes, since as every pimp in Paramatathingapoo-land knows, you can tell pretty much everything you need to know about a pimp by his shoes.

Each morning, Rah would awake and dress and go about his business. But things began to change for the worse. Each night, his stable would be a little less forthcoming with his green. Each night, he felt that his bitches questioned his love a little more. Each night, his rivals seemed stronger. Then the evening came when Rahdeesh Paramatathingapoo lost his last hoe.

Rah's hat no longer flopped. His coat kept its luster and spots, but it no longer comforted him. His platform shoes, once the talk of the town, were now openly mocked on the streets. His rival's plan had worked - Rah's shoes were now only 8 inches tall, a shadow of their former 14 inches of elevating goodness.

Rahdeesh Paramatathingapoo made one last fetus smoothie, carefully placed his belongings in a box, wrote his hoes letters angrily blaming them for all his misfortunes and pledging his undying love for them, and signed each saying "I hope you die, biznitch. Love always, Rah", and walked over to the muslim neighborhood. He walked up to a group of young arab men and said "hi, I'm Allah. I love pork.", pulled out his easel and paints, and began to paint a self-portrait. Outraged, the men blew themselves up, killing Rah.

If only he'd seen the sawdust...

Rincewind

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

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~~ Veritas simplex oratio est ~~
No matter how far a wizard goes, he will always come back for his hat. --T. Pratchett

<---- You know you're getting old when you rely on your forum meta-data to remind you how old you are.

Required Reading for all TG sandboxers

leejo

That's not it?

luna

I can't tell you the cause of death, you need to guess that. Your goal is to figure out the situation surrounding this man's death.

Leejo- how long did that take you? Love it.

But it's wrong.

Funny.....

But wrong.

__________________
Resurgent's New Motivational Motto:
"Now train harder! Live inside your character! If it dies, YOU DIE! Focus!"

Jesus had a soulstone.

leejo

The versions I know involve a deadly circus midget rivalry and sawing things. Midget thinks he's getting taller and kills himself. Seems to me that pimps sawing shoes is as good as midgets sawing stilts or canes or beds to me, but your riddle, your rules.

My little story took one flush to write. I know it may appear that more time and effort went into it. Maybe I was inspired. Maybe I was in the right "place" mentally.

Sir-Nerd

that's the one i've heard.

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Men are basically smart or dumb and lazy or ambitious. The dumb and ambitious ones are dangerous and I get rid of them. The dumb and lazy ones I give mundane duties. The smart ambitious ones I put on my staff. The smart and lazy ones I make my commanders.

When you can't run anymore, you crawl and when you can't do that, you find someone to carry you.

Rincewind

Sometimes you have to accept the right answer even if the one you "know" turns out to be wrong. Leejo's answer is cannon as far as I'm concerned. Anyone claiming otherwise is just itching for a fight.

A DUEL OF WORDS!

__________________
~~ Veritas simplex oratio est ~~
No matter how far a wizard goes, he will always come back for his hat. --T. Pratchett

<---- You know you're getting old when you rely on your forum meta-data to remind you how old you are.

Required Reading for all TG sandboxers

Sir-Nerd

Can we have a new one, here's a quicky: The more you take out of me, the bigger i get.

__________________


Men are basically smart or dumb and lazy or ambitious. The dumb and ambitious ones are dangerous and I get rid of them. The dumb and lazy ones I give mundane duties. The smart ambitious ones I put on my staff. The smart and lazy ones I make my commanders.

When you can't run anymore, you crawl and when you can't do that, you find someone to carry you.

luna

That last one was right, Leejo.

So there are these two midgets, both very concerned with having the title of the world's shortest midget. Midget 1 happened to be blind. So Midget 2 told Midget 1 he was now the shortest midget, Midget 1 killed himself, thinking that his life holding the title was older. However, Midget 2 was only shorter because he had a wooden leg, which he had sawed a few inches from to beat midget 1, knowing he wouldn't be able to see the sawdust, or his legs to know the difference.

__________________
Resurgent's New Motivational Motto:
"Now train harder! Live inside your character! If it dies, YOU DIE! Focus!"

Jesus had a soulstone.

El_Gringo_Grande

Heard this one on car talk today:

A man walks into an Auto parts shop and approaches a store employee.

The man says "My boss left me a note to get a twenty eight ounce water pump."

The store employee "I have never heard of that. I don't think your boss knows what he is talking about."

Man "If I don't find one I am going to be in trouble. He has been working on his car for a couple of years and knows a lot about cars."

The store employee scratches his head and asks the other clerks and even the owner who knows everything about cars and none of them have heard of it.

Finally the employee says "Give the note to the new guy over there and he will work on this until he finds what you want. He doesn't know much about car parts but he is a hard worker and he will work with you and call every place on earth until it we find that part."

The man walks over and hands the note to the new guy. After reading the not and without even blinking the new guy says "We have about 5 of those in stock!"

What was the car part?

__________________
Sen. Barack Obama (IL) For President '08
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I’m not racists, I have republican friends. Radio show host.
- "The essence of tyranny is the denial of complexity". -Jacob Burkhardt
- "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" - Emerson
- "People should not be afraid of it's government, government should be afraid of it's People." - Line from V for Vendetta
- If software were as unreliable as economic theory, there wouldn't be a plane made of anything other than paper that could get off the ground. Jim Fawcette

Ferris Bueller

Water Pump for a Datsun 280 Z. Only reason I know is because I watched the same thing happen with some ditzy housewife at a Goodyear when I was 16 and waiting for my oil change to be done.

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|TG-6th|Ferris Bueller

ScratchMonkey

The guy's boss must have been a doctor. We all know what they're handwriting is like.

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Ferris Bueller

Nah, people generally write 280 Z without the space. So 280Z might looks like 28OZ

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|TG-6th|Ferris Bueller

El_Gringo_Grande

Correctomundo

__________________
Sen. Barack Obama (IL) For President '08
---
I’m not racists, I have republican friends. Radio show host.
- "The essence of tyranny is the denial of complexity". -Jacob Burkhardt
- "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" - Emerson
- "People should not be afraid of it's government, government should be afraid of it's People." - Line from V for Vendetta
- If software were as unreliable as economic theory, there wouldn't be a plane made of anything other than paper that could get off the ground. Jim Fawcette