HSantal

Out of the mouths of babes, or hairless yard apes.


Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever,
but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but
not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal
anti smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
in the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are
the president."
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and
I'm just the one to do it," --
A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them.
There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians
were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies
manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities
in our air and water that are doing it." --
Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or
another" -- George Bush, US President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: Just how much clean air do we
really need?" -- Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from
the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." -- Colonel Oliver
North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein."
-- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people." --
Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.


"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- Bill Clinton,
President

We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." -- Al
Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --
Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we
received notice that you passed away.
May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your
circumstances."
-- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as
they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And
the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman


"What really scares me most, more than nukes or cancer, is a man or
woman without a sense of humor."
--- Comedian JONATHAN WINTERS

Axiom

Quotes from Dubya, and he fits into the hairless yard ape category...

"Arbolist...Look up the word. I don't know, maybe I made it up. Anyway, it's an arbo-tree-ist, someone who knows about trees."
Crawford, TX 8/21/01

"It's your money, you paid for it."
La Crosse, WI 10/18/00

"The Bob Jones policy on interracial dating, I mean I spoke out on interracial dating. I spoke out against that. I spoke out against interracial dating. I support the policy of interracial dating."
CBS News 2/25/00

"I don't read what's handed to me."
New York, NY 3/15/00

"More and more of our imports come from overseas."
Beaverton, OR 9/29/00

"I understand small business growth. I was one."
New York, NY 2/19/00

"Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods."
Austin, Texas 12/20/00

"If affirmative action means what I just described, what I'm for, then I'm for it."
St. Louis, MO 10/18/00

"This is Preservation Month. I appreciate preservation...You gotta preserve."
Nashua, NH 1/28/00

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
Florence, SC 1/11/00

"They Misunderestimated me."
Bentonville, AR 11/6/00

"I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can't answer your question."
Reynoldsburg, OH 10/4/00

"Our priorities is our faith."
Greensboro, NC 10/10/00

"If this were a dictatorship, it would be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator."
Washington, DC 12/18/00

"There's nothing more deep than recognizing Israel's right to exist. That's the most deep thought of all...I can't think of anything more deep than that."
Washington, DC, 3/13/02

"And so, in my State of the my State of the Union or state-my speech to the nation, whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation-I asked Americans to give 4,000 years-4,000 hours over the next-the rest of your life-of service to America. That's what I asked for-4,000 hours."
Bridgeport, CT, 4/9/02

"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating."
New York, NY 4/23/02

"For a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times (Dude, it's been like 60 years)."
Tokyo 2/18/02

"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believeŅI believe what I believe is right."
Rome 7/22/01

"I think we agree, the past is over."
Dallas, TX 5/10/00

MikoLovesYou

LOL! Great quotes!



Actually, I believe Dan Quayle said that.

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H-Hour

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Bookmark, welcome to my funny folder.

CingularDuality

Heh... I just Googled the entire quote and it's attributed to Quayle, Gore and Bush on the first page...

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TacticalGamer TX LAN/BBQ Veteran:

jex

Do you remember the first interacial kiss on TV? It was in star trek when Kirk kisses Uhura. In that episode spock snogs some alien woman. I had a friend back then, a rather dim friend, who thought that the first interacial kiss on TV was spock and the alien woman.

Yeah lol.

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Jex

Geisha

Um. I don't understand what's wrong with this one? He is referring to the US, yes? Which imports from Canada and Mexico among other places? Maybe if he was talking in Hawaii it would be a problem...

And I think the "half of the game is 90% mental" has also been attributed to the infamous Yogi Berra. I don't know which one said it first if Berra said it too. I don't see anything wrong with that statement either, since all it really means is that 45% of the game is mental. It's certainly not as silly as the pollution quote.

I guess we all have our bad speech days. I know I don't speak even half as well as I write