HSantal

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line
so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother
ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you
which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no
one will answer.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until
someone comes on the line.

If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number,
date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic-stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or
before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory
loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy
to talk to you."

__________________
I do what I can.

cpgf: (n.) Acronym describing a significant other who has not yet acheived full spousal status and is in possession of a cable modem; of note because at YOUR house, you still have dial-up -- and crappy dialup at that.