... hit 'em where they'll feel it.. - Page 3

**luna** · 06-07-2004, 09:38 PM

Hey dudeman-

In reply to the parents teaching the child about alcohol- I wanted to mention that I don't think the huge offense was the kid drinking his parent's stash, nor do I think it was about the child drinking in the first place. It seems to me that the point this parent is trying to drive home is that you do not go behind your parents back, and lie about what you have done.

I'm quite confident by the way that this child had been "taught who's boss" after this incident. His PS2 is a privledge to be earned, not freely given. If he shows he cannot be trusted, privledges go bye bye.

**DudeMan** · 06-07-2004, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by =luna=

Hey dudeman-

In reply to the parents teaching the child about alcohol- I wanted to mention that I don't think the huge offense was the kid drinking his parent's stash, nor do I think it was about the child drinking in the first place. It seems to me that the point this parent is trying to drive home is that you do not go behind your parents back, and lie about what you have done.

I'm quite confident by the way that this child had been "taught who's boss" after this incident. His PS2 is a privledge to be earned, not freely given. If he shows he cannot be trusted, privledges go bye bye.

my point exactly Luna, although selling it is probably the wrong thing to do, because it means there is nothing left to earn.

i am not saying the drinking is the worst or it is bad, or they didnt try to teach... but selling is shooting yourself in the foot. because once its gone there is no incentive... what you goiong to do ground him... from what... he dont have a computer.. and he is 13 he can just play truent from school
do you see my point. if there is no way he will get it back then why bother learn the lesson if he could earn it back he could get into the habbit of thinking of the consequences first.

my point about beatings came from some of the peoples point of view in here.. shocking... yeah beat him... give him a back hander... its just ludicrous.

my point all along was yes remove the privallidges but you have to have the power to give it back for reward and then take it... once you sell or get rid of it that power is gone

**=DdogG=** · 06-07-2004, 11:31 PM

I have children over to my house all the time. 3-6. they act up once while they are here. Is it because I ground them? no. Is it because I beat them? no. their parents do not punish them at home and when they get here, they think I will not either. I tell every parent "understand by leaving your child with me that they will be punished just like mine." if they stay, then they get punished. (assuming wrongdoing, of course.) but it only happens once. "beating" and spanking are different. a spanking will sting and stop hurting. a beating will hurt for a long time. beating is child abuse, spanking is punishment. but just a spanking is not the answer. hitting a child while angry is not the answer. you first must be calm. this will show the child that they are not getting the spanking because you are angry at them. you must explain why they are being punished and what that punishment is going to be. then you administer the punishment exactly. this teaches the child that the punishment is to help them understand that there are consequences for our actions, and that BECAUSE you love them, not although you love them, you are punishing them. This is how you punish a child regerdless of the punishment. grounding does not work every time, neither does spanking. each child is different, each incident is different. concequences should match not only the transgression, but also the child. taking away tv from a 3 year old will just divert attention to a toy.... spanking the same child and making them sit with you while you watch the news might prove better as it gives a physical repercussion and a small grounding as well. If you are involved in the childs life, then you will not need to beat them, nor will you want to. children with parents who are active in their life and take interest in them are more likely to want to please thier parents.... the thought of disappointing a father for a child who adores him is worse than any other punishment.

my child was 3 and cut her hair. she came in the room and was proud to show us, but when she saw how hurt we were by it, she was heartbroken. I never laid a hand on her, I never grounded her, in fact, I loved on her and spent the next 30 minutes fixing it. seeing the hurt and dissapointment in my face was worse than anything I could have done to her. of all the punishments she has ever recieved, that one she remembers.

I strongly believe in the "spare the rod, spoil the child" belief. my children are well behaved, and they know thier limitations. when other children come over, my children tell them why we dont throw things or whatever... not because "you;ll get a spanking" or because "you'll get grounded" but because "it might break something or hurt someone."

punishment is to teach a child consequences. punishment without love and explaination does nothing. I pretty much look at my children and they know. It's not because they are scared of me, it's because they respect me. I spank my children often, but it is done out of love, not anger, and children understand the difference.

**luna** · 06-07-2004, 11:33 PM

I guarantee that in the event this child has stellar grades on his report card and shows his parents that he made a foolish mistake that will never be repeated, he will have a PS2 to unwrap at christmas. And to think that the parents will get to give the same big gift TWICE and have it mean so much more the 2nd time- pretty sweet deal!

**=DdogG=** · 06-07-2004, 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DudeMan

my point exactly Luna, although selling it is probably the wrong thing to do, because it means there is nothing left to earn.

i am not saying the drinking is the worst or it is bad, or they didnt try to teach... but selling is shooting yourself in the foot. because once its gone there is no incentive... what you goiong to do ground him... from what... he dont have a computer.. and he is 13 he can just play truent from school
do you see my point. if there is no way he will get it back then why bother learn the lesson if he could earn it back he could get into the habbit of thinking of the consequences first.

my point about beatings came from some of the peoples point of view in here.. shocking... yeah beat him... give him a back hander... its just ludicrous.

my point all along was yes remove the privallidges but you have to have the power to give it back for reward and then take it... once you sell or get rid of it that power is gone

but if the parent is wise, make the child pay for another one. the child took away 170+ dollars from them, and he is paying them back. if he wants another ps2, then doing chores to earn money might get it back for him... we don't know the whole story, but I agree that the child will understand that stealing from someone desrves restitution, he took a 120 dollar bottle of wine, the took 120 dollar ps2..... seems fair to me and teaches the value of items to others might be more than the value to you.

**DudeMan** · 06-07-2004, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by =luna=

I guarantee that in the event this child has stellar grades on his report card and shows his parents that he made a foolish mistake that will never be repeated, he will have a PS2 to unwrap at christmas. And to think that the parents will get to give the same big gift TWICE and have it mean so much more the 2nd time- pretty sweet deal!

typical... so if you are a good chilld you get good grades...

not the case for so many..

and yeah ok... so what they could not have just hidden it and pretended to throw it away... thats what my dad did to my littl brother... threw his best games in the bin... went out late at night and got them again and hid them... 3 moths later.. he gave them back... this way they are down one 500 dollar bottle of champers.. and another playstation... yeah good deal for a bunkrupt.....lol

**DudeMan** · 06-07-2004, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by =DdogG=

I have children over to my house all the time. 3-6. they act up once while they are here. Is it because I ground them? no. Is it because I beat them? no. their parents do not punish them at home and when they get here, they think I will not either. I tell every parent "understand by leaving your child with me that they will be punished just like mine." if they stay, then they get punished. (assuming wrongdoing, of course.) but it only happens once. "beating" and spanking are different. a spanking will sting and stop hurting. a beating will hurt for a long time. beating is child abuse, spanking is punishment. but just a spanking is not the answer. hitting a child while angry is not the answer. you first must be calm. this will show the child that they are not getting the spanking because you are angry at them. you must explain why they are being punished and what that punishment is going to be. then you administer the punishment exactly. this teaches the child that the punishment is to help them understand that there are consequences for our actions, and that BECAUSE you love them, not although you love them, you are punishing them. This is how you punish a child regerdless of the punishment. grounding does not work every time, neither does spanking. each child is different, each incident is different. concequences should match not only the transgression, but also the child. taking away tv from a 3 year old will just divert attention to a toy.... spanking the same child and making them sit with you while you watch the news might prove better as it gives a physical repercussion and a small grounding as well. If you are involved in the childs life, then you will not need to beat them, nor will you want to. children with parents who are active in their life and take interest in them are more likely to want to please thier parents.... the thought of disappointing a father for a child who adores him is worse than any other punishment.

my child was 3 and cut her hair. she came in the room and was proud to show us, but when she saw how hurt we were by it, she was heartbroken. I never laid a hand on her, I never grounded her, in fact, I loved on her and spent the next 30 minutes fixing it. seeing the hurt and dissapointment in my face was worse than anything I could have done to her. of all the punishments she has ever recieved, that one she remembers.

I strongly believe in the "spare the rod, spoil the child" belief. my children are well behaved, and they know thier limitations. when other children come over, my children tell them why we dont throw things or whatever... not because "you;ll get a spanking" or because "you'll get grounded" but because "it might break something or hurt someone."

punishment is to teach a child consequences. punishment without love and explaination does nothing. I pretty much look at my children and they know. It's not because they are scared of me, it's because they respect me. I spank my children often, but it is done out of love, not anger, and children understand the difference.

yeah well sorry i have seen this proved wrong so many times its unbelievable.

and yes all well and good saying that at 3 they know their limitations, and i said at like 3 -6 they can have light taps and so on..,.you wait mate till they are like 13-14... you slap your daughter then... and you wont see her for a week. trsut me i have seen it happen... and i wont say how because these people i still know and talk to and i will not give out inforation of this..

but my point is... you slap them young...ok so a little tap dont do no bother but at 13 you have a different story a spank that stings... is pretty useless and if its a boy.. like i said when he is 18 and resents you for slapping him... well watch out

**=DdogG=** · 06-07-2004, 11:58 PM

I never said I slap my children. I would tap thier mouth for disrespect, but that is now. like I said, the punishment must match the crime as well as the child. spanking a 13 yr old is silly. but if you have been active and involved in thier entire life, you won't need to. I was spanked.... alot.... but after like 8 or 9, I was never touched again, not so much because I would get a spanking, but because I wanted to please my parents, and enjoyed being in their favor. I knew I would have freedoms and liberties if I stayed within my boundries. I knew I would loose them if I strayed. you cannot start disciplining your children at 8 or 9. it is too late. you must be a part of thier life and show them respect and love. it will return to you.

I understand that you have seen some really bad situations, I have not. I am very fortunate. I also understand by example how punishment should be administered. I respect my parents to this day and want to please them. I am 26. I wish all children were so lucky as to respect thier parents. It is truly a wonderful thing. unfortunately, respect is earned.

not punishing a child will only show that you do not care. over punishing will only show you are a tyrant.

I can assure you that just standing firm to rules and punishments does more to build character than anything else.

**=DdogG=** · 06-08-2004, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DudeMan

yeah well sorry i have seen this proved wrong so many times its unbelievable.

and yes all well and good saying that at 3 they know their limitations, and i said at like 3 -6 they can have light taps and so on..,.you wait mate till they are like 13-14... you slap your daughter then... and you wont see her for a week. trsut me i have seen it happen... and i wont say how because these people i still know and talk to and i will not give out inforation of this..

but my point is... you slap them young...ok so a little tap dont do no bother but at 13 you have a different story a spank that stings... is pretty useless and if its a boy.. like i said when he is 18 and resents you for slapping him... well watch out

I can assure you also that these people you know that have done this do not have any respect for their parents, and they probably were not punished lke I described. My way works. I have proof in an entire 300+ population orphanage in town that practices this every day. not one child there is unruly. they are well behaved, polite, and respectful.... it has everything to do with HOW you punish them, regardless of the punishment.

HairyNevus · 06-08-2004, 12:32 AM

Quote:

There is nothing and I mean nothing wrong with disciplining your kid if he's acting up.

Okay, I think we all agree here. This could come from any of us, right? Now where we differ:

Quote:

It is okay to spank (lightly), or tap the kid while young for disobedience.

I think this is about DdogG's level (not putting words in your mouth, just seeing where we all are). Or more extreme:

Quote:

Smacking up your child and raising them by hand is the only way to raise a child.

Now this is nobody's veiw and I think what DudeMan is vehemently fighting against. Personally, I'm rather in-between. I think that if your son* is acting like an ass, isn't listening, and being real hy-strung then you need to set him straight. I'm not saying go full force and cold-cock the sonofabitch but rather do the "tap" thing with the back of your hand real quick. This'll snap 'im right out of it and wont hurt for more than five seconds (and don't go saying that it'll hurt him or turn him against you 'cause I just said it will only hurt for 5 seconds). Now, if you do honestly belive that that sucker's gonna come back at me when he turns 18 and haul off and deck me, so be it. I'll get mine, he'll get his, too.I also think having them stick thier hands out, palms up, and whacking them with a ruler is the worst and only used for really bad scenarios (squirting Mommy with a squirt gun the day of the wedding).

*I'm only referring to boys because I don't belive in hitting women

**Wolfie** · 06-08-2004, 12:35 AM

I support what the mother did in this case. At the kid's age, it is a safe bet to assume that the parents were the ones that provided the PS2 in the first place to the kid.

Kid needs to learn that his actions will have consequences. He did something wrong, now he doesn't have that nice PS2 he enjoyed playing on....Maybe he should be good around those that provide for him?

**CingularDuality** · 06-08-2004, 04:44 AM

I just wanted to clarify that when I said the kid needed an ass whupping or a beating that I mean an open handed spank on the butt. If the kid is 13, then the spankings needed to occur during the previous decade.

I get so sick of seeing kids throwing temper tantrums in grocery stores and watching their parents ask them to please stop. I get tired of seeing 12 yr old girls dressed in tiny shorts that say "Tease" and a skimpy top that says "pornstar". I get disgusted when I see teenagers telling their parents to "go f@#k yourself" in a convenience store.

50 yrs ago, hell, 20 yrs ago, kids didn't get away with this crap. When people had kids they learned to be parents as well. Only the "bad kids" acted in a manner that is commonplace today. Today people seem to be afraid to actually be parents. Sad...

Yes, there's a line between disciplining your children and abusing them. But it's a very broad line and there's a lot of room for developing effective parenting. Corporal punishment is not always necessary. Corporal punishment is not necessarily abuse, either.

Am I the perfect parent? I doubt it. But at least I'm trying...

jex · 06-08-2004, 07:09 AM

If children turn out bad that is the fault of the parents so I suggest you take yourself out in the yard and give yourself a beating. Violence only comes where intelligence fails and if you're that bad a parent that you can't control your children - who's fault is that? I know plenty of parents that have great kids because they are smart enough to work out how to treat the problem.

IMO morons hit their kids because they are too stupid to find another way around it.

**Wolfie** · 06-08-2004, 08:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jex

IMO morons hit their kids because they are too stupid to find another way around it.

I was disclipine with spankings when I was younger, does that make my parents morons?

jex · 06-08-2004, 08:35 AM

Spanking and beatings are two different things. The odd smack I think is generally acceptable when needed in extreme cases but surely there are better ways around getting a point across other than violence or abuse. Just because it is the norm does not make it right and does not mean there aren't more intelligent ways to approach the problem.

06-07-2004, 09:38 PM	#31 (permalink)
luna Join Date: May 2003 Location: Rhode Island Age: 30 Posts: 4,136	Re: ... hit 'em where they'll feel it.. Hey dudeman- In reply to the parents teaching the child about alcohol- I wanted to mention that I don't think the huge offense was the kid drinking his parent's stash, nor do I think it was about the child drinking in the first place. It seems to me that the point this parent is trying to drive home is that you do not go behind your parents back, and lie about what you have done. I'm quite confident by the way that this child had been "taught who's boss" after this incident. His PS2 is a privledge to be earned, not freely given. If he shows he cannot be trusted, privledges go bye bye. __________________ Resurgent's New Motivational Motto: "Now train harder! Live inside your character! If it dies, YOU DIE! Focus!" Jesus had a soulstone.

06-07-2004, 11:31 PM	#33 (permalink)
=DdogG= Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ennis, TX Age: 31 Posts: 1,773	Re: ... hit 'em where they'll feel it.. I have children over to my house all the time. 3-6. they act up once while they are here. Is it because I ground them? no. Is it because I beat them? no. their parents do not punish them at home and when they get here, they think I will not either. I tell every parent "understand by leaving your child with me that they will be punished just like mine." if they stay, then they get punished. (assuming wrongdoing, of course.) but it only happens once. "beating" and spanking are different. a spanking will sting and stop hurting. a beating will hurt for a long time. beating is child abuse, spanking is punishment. but just a spanking is not the answer. hitting a child while angry is not the answer. you first must be calm. this will show the child that they are not getting the spanking because you are angry at them. you must explain why they are being punished and what that punishment is going to be. then you administer the punishment exactly. this teaches the child that the punishment is to help them understand that there are consequences for our actions, and that BECAUSE you love them, not although you love them, you are punishing them. This is how you punish a child regerdless of the punishment. grounding does not work every time, neither does spanking. each child is different, each incident is different. concequences should match not only the transgression, but also the child. taking away tv from a 3 year old will just divert attention to a toy.... spanking the same child and making them sit with you while you watch the news might prove better as it gives a physical repercussion and a small grounding as well. If you are involved in the childs life, then you will not need to beat them, nor will you want to. children with parents who are active in their life and take interest in them are more likely to want to please thier parents.... the thought of disappointing a father for a child who adores him is worse than any other punishment. my child was 3 and cut her hair. she came in the room and was proud to show us, but when she saw how hurt we were by it, she was heartbroken. I never laid a hand on her, I never grounded her, in fact, I loved on her and spent the next 30 minutes fixing it. seeing the hurt and dissapointment in my face was worse than anything I could have done to her. of all the punishments she has ever recieved, that one she remembers. I strongly believe in the "spare the rod, spoil the child" belief. my children are well behaved, and they know thier limitations. when other children come over, my children tell them why we dont throw things or whatever... not because "you;ll get a spanking" or because "you'll get grounded" but because "it might break something or hurt someone." punishment is to teach a child consequences. punishment without love and explaination does nothing. I pretty much look at my children and they know. It's not because they are scared of me, it's because they respect me. I spank my children often, but it is done out of love, not anger, and children understand the difference. __________________ Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. -Albert Einstein The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. -Harlan Ellison If all else fails: "rm -rf /"

06-07-2004, 11:33 PM	#34 (permalink)
luna Join Date: May 2003 Location: Rhode Island Age: 30 Posts: 4,136	Re: ... hit 'em where they'll feel it.. I guarantee that in the event this child has stellar grades on his report card and shows his parents that he made a foolish mistake that will never be repeated, he will have a PS2 to unwrap at christmas. And to think that the parents will get to give the same big gift TWICE and have it mean so much more the 2nd time- pretty sweet deal! __________________ Resurgent's New Motivational Motto: "Now train harder! Live inside your character! If it dies, YOU DIE! Focus!" Jesus had a soulstone.

06-07-2004, 11:58 PM	#38 (permalink)
=DdogG= Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ennis, TX Age: 31 Posts: 1,773	Re: ... hit 'em where they'll feel it.. I never said I slap my children. I would tap thier mouth for disrespect, but that is now. like I said, the punishment must match the crime as well as the child. spanking a 13 yr old is silly. but if you have been active and involved in thier entire life, you won't need to. I was spanked.... alot.... but after like 8 or 9, I was never touched again, not so much because I would get a spanking, but because I wanted to please my parents, and enjoyed being in their favor. I knew I would have freedoms and liberties if I stayed within my boundries. I knew I would loose them if I strayed. you cannot start disciplining your children at 8 or 9. it is too late. you must be a part of thier life and show them respect and love. it will return to you. I understand that you have seen some really bad situations, I have not. I am very fortunate. I also understand by example how punishment should be administered. I respect my parents to this day and want to please them. I am 26. I wish all children were so lucky as to respect thier parents. It is truly a wonderful thing. unfortunately, respect is earned. not punishing a child will only show that you do not care. over punishing will only show you are a tyrant. I can assure you that just standing firm to rules and punishments does more to build character than anything else. __________________ Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. -Albert Einstein The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. -Harlan Ellison If all else fails: "rm -rf /"

06-08-2004, 12:35 AM	#41 (permalink)
Wolfie Join Date: May 2003 Location: Michigan Age: 33 Posts: 1,405	Re: ... hit 'em where they'll feel it.. I support what the mother did in this case. At the kid's age, it is a safe bet to assume that the parents were the ones that provided the PS2 in the first place to the kid. Kid needs to learn that his actions will have consequences. He did something wrong, now he doesn't have that nice PS2 he enjoyed playing on....Maybe he should be good around those that provide for him?

06-08-2004, 04:44 AM	#42 (permalink)
CingularDuality Join Date: May 2003 Location: Dallas/Ft. Worth area of Texas, USA Age: 33 Posts: 17,137	Re: ... hit 'em where they'll feel it.. I just wanted to clarify that when I said the kid needed an ass whupping or a beating that I mean an open handed spank on the butt. If the kid is 13, then the spankings needed to occur during the previous decade. I get so sick of seeing kids throwing temper tantrums in grocery stores and watching their parents ask them to please stop. I get tired of seeing 12 yr old girls dressed in tiny shorts that say "Tease" and a skimpy top that says "pornstar". I get disgusted when I see teenagers telling their parents to "go f@#k yourself" in a convenience store. 50 yrs ago, hell, 20 yrs ago, kids didn't get away with this crap. When people had kids they learned to be parents as well. Only the "bad kids" acted in a manner that is commonplace today. Today people seem to be afraid to actually be parents. Sad... Yes, there's a line between disciplining your children and abusing them. But it's a very broad line and there's a lot of room for developing effective parenting. Corporal punishment is not always necessary. Corporal punishment is not necessarily abuse, either. Am I the perfect parent? I doubt it. But at least I'm trying... __________________ Become a supporting member! Buy a Tactical Duck! Take the world's smallest political quiz! "I was touched by His Noodly Appendage." TacticalGamer TX LAN/BBQ Veteran:

06-08-2004, 07:09 AM	#43 (permalink)
jex Join Date: May 2003 Location: United Kingdom Age: 37 Posts: 3,430	Re: ... hit 'em where they'll feel it.. If children turn out bad that is the fault of the parents so I suggest you take yourself out in the yard and give yourself a beating. Violence only comes where intelligence fails and if you're that bad a parent that you can't control your children - who's fault is that? I know plenty of parents that have great kids because they are smart enough to work out how to treat the problem. IMO morons hit their kids because they are too stupid to find another way around it. __________________ Jex

06-08-2004, 08:35 AM	#45 (permalink)
jex Join Date: May 2003 Location: United Kingdom Age: 37 Posts: 3,430	Re: ... hit 'em where they'll feel it.. Spanking and beatings are two different things. The odd smack I think is generally acceptable when needed in extreme cases but surely there are better ways around getting a point across other than violence or abuse. Just because it is the norm does not make it right and does not mean there aren't more intelligent ways to approach the problem. __________________ Jex

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Ever feel like you're being discriminated against?	Jack	Battlefield 2 - Ranked Vanilla	10	12-06-2005 11:29 PM
Which assets do you feel are most valuable as a commander in Battlefield 2?	Apophis	General Discussion	15	09-19-2005 04:44 PM
How to help new Squad Leaders	Obi	Battlefield 2 - Ranked Vanilla	4	08-16-2005 02:12 PM
Surreal: I like the feel of rust on my Salad Fingers	5h4d0w_h4x	The Sandbox	9	08-03-2004 07:39 PM

Sponsored links

Sponsored links

Sponsored links

Sponsored links