... hit 'em where they'll feel it.. - Page 7

**DudeMan** · 06-09-2004, 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geisha

No piracy!

Arrrrrr, matey... Very young children don't have a right to privacy because they can hurt themselves, but once they get to the reasoning stage I figure that have a right to privacy as long as they don't abuse it.

That's only valid after age 12-16, depending on the child's maturity level and how well you've taught them about choice and consequences up to that point.

My husband and I completely agree with this philosophy. If the child is 4 years old and doesn't understand the explanation, fine. But keep trying to explain as they get older because teaching reasons and cause-effect is critical. I'm not saying treat the child as an adult with an adult's reasoning power, so much as I am saying give the child a chance to understand as much as he can; they "grow up so fast"... I've heard over and over that it's really tough as a parent to keep up with what age your child really is. *shrug* As a non-parent, all I can really say is that I was raised with action=consequences, and as many whys as possible, and it seemed to work really well except for making it very hard to get along with some silly kids who were my own age but way behind in understanding life.

yes thats me, i was never beaten and i was reasoned with, i dont think i even got any slaps or anything.. and it made me a very mature person. i could not relate to the idiots in school and that kept me out of trouble.

i live in a bad area, highest murder rate in the country, and most of my friends were on drugs and breaking into cars... i say friends but i mean aquaintances.. my true friends were like me... much more mature and not into crime at all.

and the stupid thing was one of the worst kids used to get beat silly by his dad and still he went joyriding

i can deffinatly relate to that geisha...

Sniper · 06-09-2004, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DudeMan

and the stupid thing was one of the worst kids used to get beat silly by his dad and still he went joyriding

Ok.. im comming back in

So just talking to him and would have made a huge difference eh?

**Wolfie** · 06-10-2004, 12:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by _Ender_

Well for one this should just leave the damn kid alone. Stop forcing them to do stuff they dont want to do.

There will be no forcing them to do things they don't want to do...however, if my kid doesn't do what I ask him to, then he can forget about borrowing the car on the weekend to hang out with his friends.

Quote:

Respect their right to piracy. Trust them to make the right decisions on their own.

Hmmm, I hope you meant privacy cause piracy is not the right decision and since I would be financially obligated to pay for his crime, after I am done spanking him, he wouldn't be able to sit down for a month.....

Geisha · 06-10-2004, 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DudeMan

yes thats me, i was never beaten and i was reasoned with, i dont think i even got any slaps or anything.. and it made me a very mature person. i could not relate to the idiots in school and that kept me out of trouble.

I was spanked a few times as a child. So was my sister. It was far more humiliating than painful, and it was always after several warnings that explicitly stated cause=effect. I don't feel I was in any way harmed by this. As far as I can tell looking back, the few spankings were always a last resort when my mom felt nothing was getting through to her children. I think the important part was that my parents NEVER made idle threats. If they promised me something--good or bad--they always made good on those promises.

HairyNevus · 06-10-2004, 02:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaveDog

Are you implying that Memphis is lower than Minneapolis? No, 607 vs. 903

No, I was saying it as if it were contest to get the highest. Joking.

I think I'm through debating this. Bye!

jex · 06-10-2004, 06:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sniper

Ok.. im comming back in

So just talking to him and would have made a huge difference eh?

I think you have to understand that the issue here is far more complicated than you think it is. A lot of it has to do with how you were brought up and the experiences you had as a child. Had the father been different in the past may well have affected the future of this person. Talking now is a waste of time because he's grown up. Beating the child could have made him rebel against his father and he therefore deliberately did it to get back at him for the beatings.

Since it sounds like he got beaten all the time - it kind of prooves the point that hitting kids doesn't do anything does it?

Benny_ · 06-10-2004, 06:36 AM

ok, take this as it is meant, but how many of you are actually parents? I noticed a few, but a fair few weren't. I think it is very easy to debate parenthood from a non-invoved position. You can have all the ideals you want, but they will come crashing around your ears when reality hits. The situation dictates different responses.

As a side not, I think the general consensus seems to be a tap on the wrist to reinforce a point at a young age is no problem, older obviously causes issues. They way I look at it, is that that tap is more of a point to concentrate your child on what is being said, not an easy way to punish them.

The posts about *they must respect me* etc etc, are imho vague and or rubbish. You have to earn that respect (in their eyes) irrespective of what you have sacraficed/done for them in the past, it is a growing and evolving process for everyone involved.

**Wolfie** · 06-10-2004, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Benny_

ok, take this as it is meant, but how many of you are actually parents? I noticed a few, but a fair few weren't. I think it is very easy to debate parenthood from a non-invoved position. You can have all the ideals you want, but they will come crashing around your ears when reality hits. The situation dictates different responses.

Why not debate it? Some of us may become parents sooner than you think so their thoughts on parenthood are acceptable. I know how I am going to raise my kids. When I have kids, it won't change my beliefs or ideals because once I am done with them, they will either have moral principles to fall back on like their old man or they will be on the street.

**Wolfie** · 06-10-2004, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Benny_

You have to earn that respect (in their eyes) irrespective of what you have sacraficed/done for them in the past, it is a growing and evolving process for everyone involved.

Rubbish Benny.

In some kids eyes, the only way you can earn their respect is to give them privilages and let them do whatever they want to without contributing anything back to the family. Hell will freeze over before I let my kid do something like that.

**DudeMan** · 06-10-2004, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wolfie

Rubbish Benny.

In some kids eyes, the only way you can earn their respect is to give them privilages and let them do whatever they want to without contributing anything back to the family. Hell will freeze over before I let my kid do something like that.

Rubbish wolfie .... this is based on your extensive experience is it... because that is just when a parent cant be bothered to disapline properly

CaveDog · 06-10-2004, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jex

I think you have to understand that the issue here is far more complicated than you think it is. A lot of it has to do with how you were brought up and the experiences you had as a child. Had the father been different in the past may well have affected the future of this person. Talking now is a waste of time because he's grown up. Beating the child could have made him rebel against his father and he therefore deliberately did it to get back at him for the beatings.

Since it sounds like he got beaten all the time - it kind of prooves the point that hitting kids doesn't do anything does it?

I agree. Discipline must start early. You can't start when they "get into trouble", it is too late then. Too many parents seem to not care if their two year old behaives or not. Yes, they are just a kid, and really, a two-year-old acting up doesn't really hurt the public, but they need to learn to behaive. It isn't the talking in church, etc, that is the problem, it is that they don't care if the parent says shhsh or not, they do what they want. This sets a bad preceident. Discipline starts then. If you have lost control so early, you won't get it back. They will get more skilled at going around you, you will not get more skilled at parenting, really.

Beating a teenager will do nothing, because it is too late.

I am the proud father of a 8-month old, and I am pretty conflicted about how I will do. I'm sure I will figure it out, but lots of pressure. Interesting conversation, make you think, if nothing else.

**_Ender_** · 06-10-2004, 02:27 PM

You forgot to say "rubbish" CD :P

**=DdogG=** · 06-10-2004, 05:51 PM

rubbish to the lot of you.

I was spanked EVERY time I was told I would be. Knowing my parents were honest with me and that there was no uncertainty to being punished made me learn limits. It also helped me be a man of my word as well.

I will say to anyone who is not currently the parent of a 3yr old + that your opinions are worth as much as an ice machine in siberia. nothing you can possibly say will make your opinion count. Would you listen to someone who never had a second of training or experience with an airplane when you were a pilot yourself? having me tell a blue angels pilot about the best way to execute an inverted barrell roll is just as laughable as you telling me the best way to raise a kid. do it first, then come talk to me.

as for the rest of you with kids. you have every right to raise your kids your own way. you be siggy freud, I'll be slaver joe. the childen will dictate who was right. I for one, looking through the lens of my experience and background, see spankings as a reasonable and justifiable means of punishment....

and now I will bow out of the conversation.

**Wolfie** · 06-10-2004, 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DudeMan

this is based on your extensive experience is it... because that is just when a parent cant be bothered to disapline properly

Well since I don't have a degree in child rearing, I guess I will just have to use the model that I saw in life, which is the way that my parents raised their 4 kids. Since it worked in real life.........

Oh and yes, my parents did know how to properly discipline their kids. Do something really bad, then either the belt came off or the paddle was grabbed and you couldn't sit down for the rest of the day without it hurting.

**phyllis** · 06-10-2004, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wolfie

Oh and yes, my parents did know how to properly discipline their kids. Do something really bad, then either the belt came off or the paddle was grabbed and you couldn't sit down for the rest of the day without it hurting.

Heh...and since you were "beat" , that means you must be a defective adult eh ??

I, like some others, love the ones that have no children, and yet have the answers..to those of you, maybe someday you'll get a chance to try out your child-raising theories...then get back with us, when your attempt to explain, and reason with a 3-4-5 yr old, leaves you frustrated and annoyed that you're not getting your point across, and the situation hasn't been resolved. Different circumstances require different methods of discipline, and it also depends on the nature of the child. A good whack on the butt doesn't hurt a bit, unless you're on the receiving end....and if you wouldn't have misbehaved in the first place, it would have never happened

06-10-2004, 06:36 AM	#97 (permalink)
Benny_ Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 369	Re: ... hit 'em where they'll feel it.. ok, take this as it is meant, but how many of you are actually parents? I noticed a few, but a fair few weren't. I think it is very easy to debate parenthood from a non-invoved position. You can have all the ideals you want, but they will come crashing around your ears when reality hits. The situation dictates different responses. As a side not, I think the general consensus seems to be a tap on the wrist to reinforce a point at a young age is no problem, older obviously causes issues. They way I look at it, is that that tap is more of a point to concentrate your child on what is being said, not an easy way to punish them. The posts about they must respect me etc etc, are imho vague and or rubbish. You have to earn that respect (in their eyes) irrespective of what you have sacraficed/done for them in the past, it is a growing and evolving process for everyone involved.

06-10-2004, 02:27 PM	#102 (permalink)
_Ender_ Join Date: May 2003 Location: I am lost, if you know where I am then please feel free to tell me. Age: 29 Posts: 2,048	Re: ... hit 'em where they'll feel it.. You forgot to say "rubbish" CD :P

06-10-2004, 05:51 PM	#103 (permalink)
=DdogG= Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ennis, TX Age: 31 Posts: 1,773	Re: ... hit 'em where they'll feel it.. rubbish to the lot of you. I was spanked EVERY time I was told I would be. Knowing my parents were honest with me and that there was no uncertainty to being punished made me learn limits. It also helped me be a man of my word as well. I will say to anyone who is not currently the parent of a 3yr old + that your opinions are worth as much as an ice machine in siberia. nothing you can possibly say will make your opinion count. Would you listen to someone who never had a second of training or experience with an airplane when you were a pilot yourself? having me tell a blue angels pilot about the best way to execute an inverted barrell roll is just as laughable as you telling me the best way to raise a kid. do it first, then come talk to me. as for the rest of you with kids. you have every right to raise your kids your own way. you be siggy freud, I'll be slaver joe. the childen will dictate who was right. I for one, looking through the lens of my experience and background, see spankings as a reasonable and justifiable means of punishment.... and now I will bow out of the conversation. __________________ Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. -Albert Einstein The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. -Harlan Ellison If all else fails: "rm -rf /"

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