... hit 'em where they'll feel it.. - Page 8

**luna** · 06-10-2004, 11:23 PM

You know, this thread came to mind today during a battle of wills with my spunky 7 year old. He wasn't allowed to watch TV today until his room was clean. This is the 2nd day in a row that he managed to do everything BUT clean that room. So, I laid down the law, firmly.

"You have two choices. One, you go upstairs and clean your room like you promised, and I will be very proud of you. Two, you choose not to clean your room. If that is your choice, you will have no TV for a week, and there will be no friends over until your room is done. I know you're a good boy though, so I know you will make the right choice. You have 2 minutes to choose."

Insert 2 minutes of him having a total freaking fit at how hard of a decision it was, how he didn't want to clean his room, but didn't want to lose TV. At the 2 minute mark, I announce that since he wasn't in his room cleaning, he clearly made his decision and demanded he go to his room for the night. After all of this (this was an issue from the moment he came home from school, 2 hours previous) he had the audacity to march into his room and slam the door.

Now I don't take that from anyone, much less my own child. You will not disrespect me. So, I walked into his room with the "you're in deep *bleep*" look and calmly but sternly said, "give me your hand." He gave me his hand immediately, and I slapped it. He replied with the typical "OW!" I then clearly stated that it is entirely unacceptable to slam doors and disobey his mother by throwing these tantrums the way he was carrying on. I then said he was grounded for tonight, and will not be allowed to go to his grandmother's house tomorrow. I added that no friends will be allowed over on Saturday (This is a HUGE deal for him). I told him to get himself together, and exited the room.

Here's the kicker- he did. He stopped crying, walked into the hall, got the vacuum and proceeded to make his room absolutely spotless. The entire time he was trying to get me to be happier, telling me that he was sorry and that I was the best mom ever and that he understood that his behavior was unacceptable. Who took my child and replaced him with this polite little man?

I asked him later in the night if he knew why I slapped his hand and he knew exactly why, which he described in detail (unprompted) while continuing to apologize. He even said he didn't feel he deserved to go to grama's or have friends over. Now, I rarely (read: maybe 5-10 times in his life and never more than a tap) physically discipline my child. I have to say though, if used properly and in the right situation, it can be a very effective deterrent.

Emanon · 06-10-2004, 11:44 PM

Laying down the LAW! Go Luna!

Benny_ · 06-11-2004, 05:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wolfie

Why not debate it? Some of us may become parents sooner than you think so their thoughts on parenthood are acceptable. I know how I am going to raise my kids. When I have kids, it won't change my beliefs or ideals because once I am done with them, they will either have moral principles to fall back on like their old man or they will be on the street.

Fair enough, but I would put it to you that your thoughts and responses *will* change when you are in the situation. DDog points out the self same thing later in the thread.

And I'll see your 'rubbish' and raise you, I hope you enjoy becoming a father and I hope you achieve what it is you want with your 'I am god and you will respect me' attitude. Seriously, good luck with that.

Luna's post above sounds very familiar, and in case anyone cared I sit somewhere between Luna and Ddog, there is room for physical action, but the understanding of that action is the key.

**CingularDuality** · 06-11-2004, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phyllis

Different circumstances require different methods of discipline, and it also depends on the nature of the child. A good whack on the butt doesn't hurt a bit, unless you're on the receiving end....and if you wouldn't have misbehaved in the first place, it would have never happened

Rubbish... I've smacked my kid's rear end in such a manner that it stung my hand... (I just wanted to say "rubbish")

Actually, though, you've hit on the heart of the matter here.

Think about what the goals of effective parenting are. I know that I simply want to teach my child the difference between right and wrong and that there are consequences for his actions. If I'm able to get him to understand these two very simple and extremely complicated concepts, then I think he'll go far in life...

**Wolfie** · 06-11-2004, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Benny_

And I'll see your 'rubbish' and raise you, I hope you enjoy becoming a father and I hope you achieve what it is you want with your 'I am god and you will respect me' attitude. Seriously, good luck with that.

There is a difference between "I am a god" attitude and "You live in my house, you follow my rules" attitude.

06-10-2004, 11:23 PM	#106 (permalink)
luna Join Date: May 2003 Location: Rhode Island Age: 30 Posts: 4,136	Re: ... hit 'em where they'll feel it.. You know, this thread came to mind today during a battle of wills with my spunky 7 year old. He wasn't allowed to watch TV today until his room was clean. This is the 2nd day in a row that he managed to do everything BUT clean that room. So, I laid down the law, firmly. "You have two choices. One, you go upstairs and clean your room like you promised, and I will be very proud of you. Two, you choose not to clean your room. If that is your choice, you will have no TV for a week, and there will be no friends over until your room is done. I know you're a good boy though, so I know you will make the right choice. You have 2 minutes to choose." Insert 2 minutes of him having a total freaking fit at how hard of a decision it was, how he didn't want to clean his room, but didn't want to lose TV. At the 2 minute mark, I announce that since he wasn't in his room cleaning, he clearly made his decision and demanded he go to his room for the night. After all of this (this was an issue from the moment he came home from school, 2 hours previous) he had the audacity to march into his room and slam the door. Now I don't take that from anyone, much less my own child. You will not disrespect me. So, I walked into his room with the "you're in deep bleep" look and calmly but sternly said, "give me your hand." He gave me his hand immediately, and I slapped it. He replied with the typical "OW!" I then clearly stated that it is entirely unacceptable to slam doors and disobey his mother by throwing these tantrums the way he was carrying on. I then said he was grounded for tonight, and will not be allowed to go to his grandmother's house tomorrow. I added that no friends will be allowed over on Saturday (This is a HUGE deal for him). I told him to get himself together, and exited the room. Here's the kicker- he did. He stopped crying, walked into the hall, got the vacuum and proceeded to make his room absolutely spotless. The entire time he was trying to get me to be happier, telling me that he was sorry and that I was the best mom ever and that he understood that his behavior was unacceptable. Who took my child and replaced him with this polite little man? I asked him later in the night if he knew why I slapped his hand and he knew exactly why, which he described in detail (unprompted) while continuing to apologize. He even said he didn't feel he deserved to go to grama's or have friends over. Now, I rarely (read: maybe 5-10 times in his life and never more than a tap) physically discipline my child. I have to say though, if used properly and in the right situation, it can be a very effective deterrent. __________________ Resurgent's New Motivational Motto: "Now train harder! Live inside your character! If it dies, YOU DIE! Focus!" Jesus had a soulstone.

06-10-2004, 11:44 PM	#107 (permalink)
Emanon Banned Join Date: May 2003 Age: 25 Posts: 1,249	Re: ... hit 'em where they'll feel it.. Laying down the LAW! Go Luna!

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