A real "feel good" story. A win for men everywhere!

JMJ · 02-15-2007, 10:08 AM

This story warmed my heart and brought a tear to my eye..........

Quote:

Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2007-02-06, 2:24PM PST

I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely bat**** insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"

Well, she goes bat**** insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, "You're screwed".

Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. "I am sterile"

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of ****. You're trapped and you know it."

I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bull****, those are fakes."

I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine."

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

Taken from Craig's list:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/274495936.html

xTYBALTx · 02-15-2007, 10:39 AM

That is funny. Aren't something like 10% of kids born to cuckoldry? Stuff like this - but without the vasectomy part - must happen pretty often.

Zephyr · 02-15-2007, 10:47 AM

..."feel good" story?

I don't know why this would warm your heart but it certainly does bring a tear to the eye.

What bothers me is if he went to all this effort, he obviously doesn't care about her as a person at all. In fact, he loves to go on and on about how great the sex was, but when it comes to perhaps helping out someone who is in a terrible situation he instead exploits it for his own amusement?

A real win for scum everywhere.

-Zephyr

icky · 02-15-2007, 10:58 AM

Why does that story sound so much like a complete fabrication? It doesn't sound "right".

**El_Gringo_Grande** · 02-15-2007, 11:02 AM

Sounds like a man's fantasy.

The truth is probably that the vasectomy failed and he was the father.

**Grunt 70** · 02-15-2007, 11:09 AM

Who could feel good about basing a relationship on deceit?

JMJ · 02-15-2007, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zephyr

..."feel good" story?

I don't know why this would warm your heart but it certainly does bring a tear to the eye.

What bothers me is if he went to all this effort, he obviously doesn't care about her as a person at all. In fact, he loves to go on and on about how great the sex was, but when it comes to perhaps helping out someone who is in a terrible situation he instead exploits it for his own amusement?

A real win for scum everywhere.

-Zephyr

I didn't realize so many would miss the funny of someone trying to trap another person and get it tossed back in their face. He had to go through this effort as she was trying to get him to be responsible for something that wasn't his...not to mention she cheated on him. She got what was coming.

Oh well.

SmokingTarpan · 02-15-2007, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zephyr

What bothers me is if he went to all this effort, he obviously doesn't care about her as a person at all. In fact, he loves to go on and on about how great the sex was, but when it comes to perhaps helping out someone who is in a terrible situation he instead exploits it for his own amusement?

Heh, I encourage you to (re-)visit a college campus to discover how many people have relationships that are based on little to no care at all, and exist mainly for the sex. I've known a fair share of both men and women that assume a temporary relationship where either one or both parties are in it just for the sex. It's not my way and I don't agree with it, but there's the reality.

Assuming that this is a true story... The guy is a serious jerk for making a big hoodoo out of this and dragging it out. The girl is equally guilty for attempting to trap someone into a marriage with the baby argument. She didn't know he was sterile but, having cheated, knew that it possibly was not his. I don't agree with the actions of either party in this situation, but neither party is deserving of sympathy either. In short, both are slime, and this would have been prime for Jerry Springer.

jepzilla · 02-15-2007, 12:09 PM

While I agree with Icky that this sounds like a fake, I was quite amused. It tingles my sense of justice.

Kerostasis · 02-15-2007, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SmokingTarpan

Assuming that this is a true story... The guy is a serious jerk for making a big hoodoo out of this and dragging it out. The girl is equally guilty for attempting to trap someone into a marriage with the baby argument. She didn't know he was sterile but, having cheated, knew that it possibly was not his. I don't agree with the actions of either party in this situation, but neither party is deserving of sympathy either. In short, both are slime, and this would have been prime for Jerry Springer.

I'd agree with you that both are slime, but I'd rank the slimey-ness of the girl a little ahead of the slimey-ness of the guy. Aside from obviously not caring about her during the "relationship" phase, all he really did during the "breakup" phase was give her enough rope to hang herself, so to speak. She was the one who wrapped said rope around her neck and took a leap.

Not to say that leading her on like that was noble, but I still think its less bad than what she did.

But yeah, prime stuff for Jerry Springer. Imagine pulling out those documents on air, with the audience watching, without telling her ahead of time. Jerry would love that.

**Ferris Bueller** · 02-15-2007, 03:17 PM

As someone who recently got his entire life torched by a woman, those of you questioning the validity or downplaying the story have obviously never been burned by a woman or you would feel no such pang of compassion. She got what she deserved. She tried to trap him and got smoked for it. Regardless of whether or not the guy really cared for her during the "relationship", is inconsequential. Lots of people are in relationships for sexual purposes only and never tell their partner, but you dont go around boo-hooing them for it.
She's a lying b**** and deserves everything she got. Women are evil (no offense intended to the ladies of the community, but its true).

**CingularDuality** · 02-16-2007, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ferris Bueller

Women are evil.

This is about as true as the fact that men are scum, though...

Zephyr · 02-16-2007, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ferris Bueller

Women are evil.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CingularDuality

This is about as true as the fact that men are scum, though...

And this article shows both. If only one could find an article which shows neither.
-Zephyr

**Ferris Bueller** · 02-16-2007, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zephyr

And this article shows both. If only one could find an article which shows neither.
-Zephyr

There are none. Both facts are absolutely true without any margin of error whatsoever.

Zephyr · 02-16-2007, 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ferris Bueller

There are none. Both facts are absolutely true without any margin of error whatsoever.

...

*gives Ferris a hug*

Happy stories just don't get written about!

-Zephyr

02-15-2007, 10:39 AM	#2 (permalink)
xTYBALTx Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 3,851	Re: A real "feel good" story. A win for men everywhere! That is funny. Aren't something like 10% of kids born to cuckoldry? Stuff like this - but without the vasectomy part - must happen pretty often. __________________ Current good song: Justice - Stress "$250,000 a year won't get me to Central Park West."

02-15-2007, 10:47 AM	#3 (permalink)
Zephyr Join Date: Apr 2004 Age: 20 Posts: 1,649	Re: A real "feel good" story. A win for men everywhere! ..."feel good" story? I don't know why this would warm your heart but it certainly does bring a tear to the eye. What bothers me is if he went to all this effort, he obviously doesn't care about her as a person at all. In fact, he loves to go on and on about how great the sex was, but when it comes to perhaps helping out someone who is in a terrible situation he instead exploits it for his own amusement? A real win for scum everywhere. -Zephyr __________________ You were once like the newbie who needed a hand from above and TacticalGamer gave you it. You owe the newbie who comes after you that same outstretched hand from above on your honor as a Tactical Gamer. Tactics at TG come from trust and friendship, not meticulous detail and rigid discipline. Everyone should be assumed mature until proven otherwise. We are no clan. We are not a single game. We are mature, intelligent, and cooperative individuals. We are TacticalGamer, a community above and beyond its name.

02-15-2007, 10:58 AM	#4 (permalink)
icky Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Ottawa Valley Posts: 6,154	Re: A real "feel good" story. A win for men everywhere! Why does that story sound so much like a complete fabrication? It doesn't sound "right". __________________ Peace through fear... since 1947!

02-15-2007, 11:02 AM	#5 (permalink)
El_Gringo_Grande Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: OKIE HOMY Age: 39 Posts: 2,546	Re: A real "feel good" story. A win for men everywhere! Sounds like a man's fantasy. The truth is probably that the vasectomy failed and he was the father. __________________ Sen. Barack Obama (IL) For President '08 --- I’m not racists, I have republican friends. Radio show host. - "The essence of tyranny is the denial of complexity". -Jacob Burkhardt - "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" - Emerson - "People should not be afraid of it's government, government should be afraid of it's People." - Line from V for Vendetta - If software were as unreliable as economic theory, there wouldn't be a plane made of anything other than paper that could get off the ground. Jim Fawcette

02-15-2007, 11:09 AM	#6 (permalink)
Grunt 70 Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Massachusetts Age: 43 Posts: 2,504	Re: A real "feel good" story. A win for men everywhere! Who could feel good about basing a relationship on deceit? __________________ \|TG-22nd\|Grunt "When force is necessary, it must be applied boldly, decisively, and completely. But one must know the limitations of force; one must know when to blend force with maneuver" - Leon Trotsky

02-15-2007, 12:09 PM	#9 (permalink)
jepzilla Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Halifax, Canada Age: 26 Posts: 1,232	Re: A real "feel good" story. A win for men everywhere! While I agree with Icky that this sounds like a fake, I was quite amused. It tingles my sense of justice.

02-15-2007, 03:17 PM	#11 (permalink)
Ferris Bueller Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Orlando, FL Age: 26 Posts: 4,970	Re: A real "feel good" story. A win for men everywhere! As someone who recently got his entire life torched by a woman, those of you questioning the validity or downplaying the story have obviously never been burned by a woman or you would feel no such pang of compassion. She got what she deserved. She tried to trap him and got smoked for it. Regardless of whether or not the guy really cared for her during the "relationship", is inconsequential. Lots of people are in relationships for sexual purposes only and never tell their partner, but you dont go around boo-hooing them for it. She's a lying b** and deserves everything she got. Women are evil (no offense intended to the ladies of the community, but its true). __________________ \|TG-6th\|Ferris Bueller Important TG Reading \| Support TG - Become a Supporting Member \| TacticalWiki - Your TG Guide Kicked/Banned? READ THIS FIRST! \| Complete list of TG Admins \| Think Someone Did A Good Job? Nominate Them For a Ribbon! Report Problem Players/Appeal Your Ban \| Learn TG - The TG Mentoring Program** __________________ "Never underestimate the power of human stupidity." -Lazarus Long

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