My wife and I found out last week that she is pregnant with our third child.

Anyone that knows me, knows that my children mean more to me than anything. I'd kill myself in a minute if it would guarantee them to lead safe, happy lives. I've been feeling a little bit bad that I'm not as excited as I should be. Our first daughter was planned, we made a decision to stop taking steps to prevent pregnancy and went to an OB/GYN to talk to him about anything we could do to help make sure we had a healthy baby. We had the name all picked out, everything was cool. Then she got pregnany....holy Christ. My wife had "morning" sickness 24/7 for the entire 40 weeks she was pregnant. I mean puking every morning (into a bucket, I can't get her to puke in the toilet like a normal person) which I had to clean nightly. She actually lost weight during her pregnancy....she was closely monitored and was a little overweight when she got pregnant so the doc didn't worry too much. Had to be on an expensive medicine called Zofran...which both we and the doctor had to fight the insurance company to get them to cover the cost of....each pill cost about $50 (if I remember correctly) and she was taking 1-2 a day.

Things were going well with Willow, she was perfect, didn't cry much, had all the attention she could ever want. Blah Blah, then, my wife and I have sex about ~1 month before Willow's first birthday...BAM! She's pregnant with baby F word passed through my mind several times, but I was happy, we both always wanted at least two kids, this was just earlier than we would have planned. So the morning sickness started the morning of Willow's first birthday party. We threw a huge freaking party for her and I was cooking all of the food, I had three crock pots 1-cooking mini weinie with BBQ sauce and 2-cooking meatballs, started cooking them the night before and woke up to the aroma filling the house....Michele started puking...YAY! So life goes on, but about 4 weeks after Fiona was born I was laying in the recliner with Fiona sleeping on my chest and said to my wife, I want two more of these and she felt kinda the same way. Well then the nightime crying started, they got older, my wife got more than a little stir crazy, etc. I still kinda wanted more, but I kinda felt like it was time to be done.

So as some with kids know, your sex life with your spouse after kids can suffer, they sneak into bed, they cry in the middle of the night (espicially the first year), you're both exhausted, etc. Well Fiona turned 4 back in March and I figure my wife and I have "enjoyed" each other's company approx 20-24 times in that time frame. Because of heart issues with my wife, we use condoms....wouldn't you figure the one time we don't use a condom in 4 years and we don't do the tried and true (note sarcasm here) "pull out" or "rhythem method" she's pregnant. Not only that it was the first time in about three months, so if I wanted to, I could determine the exact date from which she got pregnant.

Now, again, I was OK with having more children, but we're having some money issues right now, we're actually filling bankruptcy (including our house), so we will have to be moving, our kids have been in a Catholic school daycare and Willow is due to start Kindergarten in the fall, tuition is expensive and Michele or I have to drive them to school because they don't run a bus system and it's a twenty minute drive. My wife Has a job she actually likes, but will have to be off in the middle of the school year to have the baby and the school's daycare doesn't watch children until they are potty trained. So we have to decide if she wants to keep working, we'll have to put the baby in another daycare and pay for it, which we didn't do with Fiona and Willow, or have her stay home. She's been talking about wanting to home school our children...that's another issue. I seem to be having so many health issues lately and work demands keep increasing...I just can't seem to get excited about having another baby, like I said, I'm not upset or disappointed we're having another baby, just not excited.

And all that coupled with having people ask me if I wanted to try one more time for that boy, really pisses me off. Like I wouldn't feel complete if I didn't have a boy. I've actually started hoping it's a girl, just so we can stop and not have any more children and show everyone I'm content having girls. I know what to do with girls, I've done the baby things with two girls, I know what to do, what's normal, what to look for, what to watch out for, I'm dreading them dating, but that's still a ways off. What the heck am I going to do with a boy anyways, Michele won't let the kids use pretend guns, not even "finger and thumb" guns, no fighting, me throwing the kids in the air freaks her out, me lifting them by their heads freaks her out more.... I always said I'd be happy with any child I had, I only hope that they are healthy, but right now, I feel like I will actually be disappointed if it's a boy and that's stupid, I only think that because of what other people think. Oh well I've ranted long enough...thanks for listening (reading, whatever) :-)