I have a running theme on facebook where I post, what I call, Jeffisms....little pearls of wisdom either from my mind or skimmed from the internet, for TG's enjoyment here are some Catisms (since no one would recognize the name Jeff :) )

If an idea is so funny that when you think about it, it makes you laugh. NEVER, EVER follow through with it.

ALWAYS let your wife pick the baby sitter.

Acting like a complete moron may not get you far in life, but, if you are at least nice, it sure will get a lot of smart people to do your work.

when it comes to blasphemy, it's best to go all out, if I'm going to hell (for blasphemy), people are going to know it wasn't because I said, "GD" on accident, one time.

I like to pretend WWJD stands for "What Would Jeff Do" and I offer unsolicited advice to whomever is wearing it. Then I yell "I'm the J in your bracelet, b****"

Sex is overrated, next time try sodomy.

God put me here to annoy stupid people with questions that can only be answered logically.

hmmm, well that simple task sure turned into a complicated eff fest of evil.

I don't pay collection fees, if you have to hire a company to collect money from me, their fees are your responsibility, not mine.

The opportunity to murder you would be worth an eternity in hell.

If I were an obscure evil scientist from a Saturday morning children's cartoon, I would make a device to destroy the world's supply of flip-flops or any shoe that made that foot smacking sound when people walk. It's seriously like nails on a chalkboard to me.

I always include a little mucus when sealing envelopes to people I dislike.

on a busy day I will lose a printout of a worksheet on my desk and as soon as I print out a second copy, I will find the first one.

you're born, you live, you die, the end. The rest is just details.

Thinking too much can be a bad thing, especially since I always seem to think I've had conversations with people, telling them what I am thinking, that I've never had. Then I wonder why no one knows what the hell I'm talking about.

everyone is nice to the person handing out paychecks on payday (until they have their checks)