So as I wrote this blog I have another window open with a Suffolk County Police Exam study guide and next to me I have a Police Officer Exam study book.

I've been using these study aides for over a month, well the book, taking practice tests, reading, trying to get my mind focused but let me tell you it is harder than I thought.

Last year I took the NYPD Exam and studied like crazy. Maybe it was easier to study for it because I had never taken a Police/Law Enforcement exam before.

The studying paid off, I did well and am now on the 5 year wait list.

Now I am studing for another exam which takes place tomorrow.

After the Suffolk County exam I have to file my application for the White Plains exam which is in the Fall and will hopefully cover the New Rochelle and Mount Vernon Police exams as well.

The thing is, I am having a tough time concentrating. The reading comprehension reading is helpful but a part of me thinks that the Suffolk County test will be similar to the NYPD test which in all reality it will be, but the fact is that I just can't concentrate.

Or the real reason is that it is true with what they say, once you graduate college studying for tests/exams does become that much more difficult.....

Maybe I'm also just worried that after I take this exam tomorrow, on monday I will be starting a new adventure. - Looking for a new job.

I have not been laid off yet, I think it is very close, especially since I have been with this start up for almost 5 years and am not making a livable wage - below $26,000. Livable for me or at least a start = 40,000+

So my trek to find this new job that I will enjoy will begin.

for the past 3 years I have been doing research, and I really do enjoy it. I want to continue doing research either for telecom's or for movies/tv or I want to see if I can get a good level entry job. I'm even going to apply to be a Department of Works employee in my town and the town next to mine.

I'll even be a driver. Or a messenger or an assistant. Or even try my hand at being an extra in a movie or TV show even if only for a little bit.

Basically I am tired of being "self-employed". I hate it. I didn't enjoy it when I was in sale as a real estate broker and I despise it now. Some people like it, but I need stability, I need to start to b able to live my life, I would like a 401k, a pension if I apply, something more secure and stable than having to give estimates on what I made or didn't make, or worrying if all those miles I put down will come into question.

Lets face it, if NY State wants to question if my estimates don't add up, go for it. They will spend more money trying to see if I lied (i didn't) than I make in a year.

I forgot to mention data entry. I'd do it, yes it is boring but I don't mind it.

Seems like I'm in a ranting mood today.