The art of getting a good tan...I mean effective squad leading.

I just want to clear the air, yes I do bring a beach chair to a battle when I squad lead.

Contrary to popular opinion, it is NOT because I am lazy. No, no, no, quite the opposite, I prefer my squad mates to do all of the hard, I mean get all the glory. Also, I have a tan to work on, after all, it's not easy to keep up with my idol, George Hamilton.

It's hard damn work to point to a flag and say, go get it. Also, my finger gets tired pulling that damn trigger back. Me? I am more of a guy to throw a box of band aids down on the ground and say "suck it up son". "If you don't stop crying about getting shot, I will give you something to cry about."

Why should I get in the middle of it and get all shot and stuff. No, I have dinner plans my friend.

I prefer to sit back, sip on my iced tea and let an unlimited supply of sacrificial lambs....I mean valued soldiers charge head on to death and glory. Why worry about getting into the middle of it and getting shot, that just slows me down from going to a flag and finding the best spot to catch some rays, don't forget your sunscreen.

The only complaint I have is that when someone dies, I have to get up from my carefully selected spot, go over and give them the paddles to get their lazy ass up and get back into the fight, there's no sleeping on the job, son.

Running around, looking for people who want to shoot me? Hah! Not this boy, I am sipping margarita's watching people sprinting madly around me.