by, 04-14-2010 at 06:00 PM (788 Views)
I'm going to try and keep this blog free of work issues. I had a ton of stuff posted on facebook, these "thoughts of the day" as I called them, I liked them, through my own doing, I deleted them all. Short story is, they were given to my boss, even though NONE of my facebook friends know where I work, I was severely reprimanded. So I will try to keep work issues out of here. Now I'm posed with the age old (LOL) blogger's questions, what do I write about? Never mind, that would be considered a plan, and I don't use those. [Black_Mirror loves that line]
I will probably stick with random off the wall ramblings. My brain isn't quite wired right, well that's my hope anyways. Because if some of these thoughts are normal, I should probably be locked up. Despite occassional outbursts against the admins and certain other members, I'm a nice guy, too nice. I'm probably overcompensating for what I consider "evil" thoughts/personality that I have.
I've been to three different shrinks in as many years (one was at an Intensive Outpatient Program). I start each talk with them about my dad and is paranoid schizophrenic, that he self medicates through pot, alcohol and who knows what else. I am dieing to be tested and actually HOPE, no DESIRE to be diagnosed as a schizophrenic, they give you drugs for that, if your mind is just f**ked up, you have to be taught how to rethink all of the thoughts that just come to your mind that. To chart your automatic thoughts, to train yourself to accept "positive" thoughts, as opposed to "negative/adverse" thoughts, these are traced down to your core belief's which also have to be changed otherwise the automatic thoughts come back. Yet time and time again, without being there 5 minutes they tell me I'm NOT and I leave disappointed.
****, this forum is too public to really discuss some of the things I want to, but my paranoia assumes that someone would misread/not understand a blog entry, a sentence or even a word that I put out for the entire internet to read would be seen as a violation of some law and I'd be arrested and never seen from again.