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My weekend and Unconditional Love

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Last night made me think about the term unconditional love.

I stayed up late Friday night playing BC2, sometime after 3am I went downstairs to sleep with the family. My wife and kids were having a "slumber party" (I swear kids just don't want to sleep in their own beds). I knew I would wake up with a headache, since I didn't haul my CPAP machine downstairs. My wife was nice and let me sleep until 11am, except I needed to work. I got up and went to work. I get a text around 10:30pm saying my oldest puked in her bed and was in bed with my wife. OK, poor kiddo, sick kids are so pitiful (hell so are adults really) I get home at about 1:30am to both kids and my wife in bed. I put on my CPAP and try to go to sleep, my wife gets up at 2:00am saying she's wide awake and can't sleep. 2:30am oldest is puking, after almost killing myself I decided the CPAP isn't going to work if I have to keep getting up with my daughter. So every 15 min. I got up held my daughter's hair, the trash can and washcloth, then rubbed her belly till she fell asleep for 15 more minutes. Finally around 430 or 500am my wife came to bed and took over.

I slept until 6:00am when the alarm went off, went back to work. Had the kind of day where you get a lot done, but not enough. Got home at 9:30pm to everyone asleep on the couch. OK I think, I can finish that computer build, play some BC2 and go to bed. Then my pitiful oldest wakes up and I sit with her for a few hours then decide we just need to go to bed. I put the youngest to bed first so she didn't know Willow was going to sleep in our bed (I found out soon after I got home, no one had cleaned the puke up from my daughter's room). Then my daughter wants her soft teddy bear. I stood over the since with that puke encrusted bear in my hands running it under the water scouring it with my hands to get the puke off of it.

This is when I thought (whatever created us or through evolotion whichever), it was good that we (most parents anyways) were wired to love our children unconditionally. I don't care how attached I was to something if I puked on it, then the puke sat on it for over 24 hours, I would not be scrubbing it in a sink after not sleeping the night before. I may want to throw them out of a moving car sometimes, but I love them more than words can describe. I wasn't even mad that night that I had very little of the weekend to myself, I just felt calm, like this was something that just had to be done and I really kind of enjoyed it.

My wife and oldest were in bed when my youngest cries, "I HAVE TO POTTY!!" and comes running into our bathroom. I go to put her back in her bed and she gets the sadest look on her face and in a pitiful tone (no anger, no hint of being mad even), "It's not fair that Willow gets to sleep in your bed and I have to sleep in my room" I think exhaustion took over and I put her in my bed, but they both had to be next to daddy so I slept between them. I didn't want the tubing hitting them in the head or wrapping around their necks like it does mine, so again I slept with no CPAP.

So I was thinking as I lay there unable to fall asleep, that it's a good thing parents are wired with this unconditional love for their children and started to ponder what a wonderous thing this is and first thought that this love can only exist between parent and child, but I thought of the people I love in my life and started to think, this wasn't an exclusive parent-child feeling. I know from experience that in spousal relationships we might believe this is there, but if your spouse turned on you and I mean turned on you, I don't know if that love could stay. I thought of my friend Rage and black_mirror and thought I love these two people unconditionally, there's nothing I wouldn't do for either of them and nothing would make me turn my back on them. Then the doubt crept in, that's because you don't think they'd do anything to hurt you....mmmmmm, but I thought well they wouldn't do anything to hurt me......doubt again, that's not the point of unconditional love, what if they did, would you still love them and do anything for them? I can't honestly answer that. If Rage or mirror were to call/email me and insult/attack me, they both know my secrets and could wound me deeply if they wanted to, could I still feel the same for them? One side of me says yes I could, the doubt says, only because you can't believe they'd turn on you like that (without a reason--a reason can be resolved, which isn't the scenario I am discussing.

So that's my thought of the day I've been pondering, can unconditional love exists besides parent-child along with my long ass weekend, which has whipped my old tired butt.

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  1. draeh's Avatar
    Before we had our son, I didn't really think I wanted kids. The wife did. Since I love her more than anything, I silently acquiesced. The moment our son was born I was changed. His birth caused months of little to no sleep and a dramatic drop in any kind of personal time, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Something fundamentally changed in me at that moment. I don't look at the World in the same way anymore. I used to be able to read or watch anything. Now I cannot stomach tv shows or news articles where kids are the subject of some heinous crime or accident. It wrenches my gut to no end.

    My wife and I were only able to have 1 child and she has always wanted 2. When she asked me recently if we could adopt, my answer was an emphatic yes.
  2. Warlab's Avatar
    As a single father with full custody of my daughter, I'll tell ya Catman that post touched me.
    I too have held hair back and lost space in my bed. Cleaned things I'd have never cleaned before.
    I'd jump in front of a train to save her in a second. That is truely unconditional love.
    The same love went the other way also when my parents were sick and passing away.
    When you really love someone there's nothing you won't do for them.

    That was an awesome blog post Cat.


    PS. Catman, have you noticed how time moves faster now that you have kids ?
  3. Catman1975's Avatar
    draeh, my wife wanted kids much sooner than I did, we waited, one day it hit me, "I'm ready".....LOL, you're never truly ready I swore I wouldn't cut the cord, I just knew I would faint but when the time came, I wanted to, as silly as It was I wanted to be more involved than just holding a leg. I'm glad you were open to adopting draeh, some people have this mindset it has to be biologically theirs. Anyone with sperm can be a dad, it takes a dedication and willingness to be a father.

    warlab, thanks for the compliments. As for time moving faster, I feel like time does move faster as I get older, but I don't realize how fast it's going until I notice things like, my oldest starting Kindergarten this fall and the youngest going into Pre-K. Seems like yesterday I was sleep deprived catching some winks on the couch when my wife threw a coke bottle (plastic and as I had instructed her to do, being home only 4 days) and asked me to bring me the baby. Being without my contacts or glasses and in a daze, I couldn't find my daughter, who I thought was sleeping on me, so I carefully gathered the blanket together to carry it over to my wife so she could fish out the baby, only to realize the baby was in her crib.....LOL

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