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I Need advice, Not sure if I should act or will acting cause more pain or worse

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A few weeks ago I attending my cousin's wedding out in Montauk Long Island.

It was great, my cousin Jesse has been sober for 5+ years same with his wife, and previous dinners with him and his fiance have been some of the best interactions with him since he got sober. Before I would not be happy that he was there mostly because he would be drunk or on his way, and Jesse + drinking = lots of bent up anger.

So being able to attend his wedding was a lot of fun but, his sister was there and as I got in my car and left I really had an unsettling feeling in my stomach.

Lindsay is probably 23-24, she is on welfare, and is addicted to oxy and is also using heroin and probably other drugs. She is no longer with the father of her child, and her daughter is as cute as can be, but she also didn't put the child up for adoption because she had it so it would give the "unconditional love" as well as because she is in her own world.

Now, her daughter is almost 12 months old, and is tanned from head to toe, from what I heard it is because they went to the beach and lindsay fell asleep and didn't have the common sense to put a hat on the child or bring an umbrella.

She is also still using, mind you.

Now, she is currently staying at my Aunts house in florida, and my aunt steph is currently going through some health issues let alone having to deal with who knows what with Lindsay.

I want to call the fort myers social services office and report Lindsay, I mentioned this to my parents and was met with what almost felt like "what the F are you thinking?!!". I understand why they told me that it's not my problem and why I shouldn't get involved or make an anonymous phone call like the one I am contemplating doing, but another part of me feels really really bad for this child and if something were to happen I would feel more regret and sadness. Also the chances of something happening are unfortunately high.

I need some advice, it's not my child, i don't keep in contact with her, i didn't even give her my phone number because of past occurrences with her father (my mother's brother), and with her calling my mom asking for money.

The interesting thing is that when I heard she was pregnant I immediately asked if she was putting the baby up for adoption, but alas she didn't.

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  1. Ferris Bueller's Avatar
    Dont act on it like you're thinking. The best possible course of action is going to be to talk to the people closest to her and let them know that you are very concerned. Have them go talk to her and lay it out in simple terms.
    -She wanted the baby to have unconditional love.
    -In her current state and with the things shes into, she is incapable of giving the baby that love.
    -Due to the same factors, she has already put the baby at a pretty serious health risk (sunburns can be fatal for infants) and she has no way of knowing if it will happen again if she keeps up on the same path.

    Chances are, shes going to tell them to go screw. But thats about the only course of action you can take. As a third party non-witness, anything you tell child protective services is going to merit a visit, AT MOST. If she's lucid when they come see her, they're going to disregard anything you told them. Unless you bear direct witness to her bringing harm (intentional or not) to the child, theres relatively little you can do, ESPECIALLY in florida.

    So yeah, I understand your concern. I see it at work all the freaking time. The problem is that unless you see it happen, your recourse is almost zero. Even then, if you saw it, you're going to get a tongue lashing from DFS about why YOU didnt intervene and stop it.
  2. Lien's Avatar
    That is a tough situation.
    I agree with the advice Ferris is giving.

    It is a good thing that you care about the welfare of this child, talk to the people around that child and explain your concern, however if the mother is not "caught red handed" it won't help, it will probably just bring more problems if word gets out that you made the phone call.

    I have very little experience regarding these kind of things, the few cases I have come across have been on the schools I have had internships on, it's really tricky stuff. On one hand you want to report and on the other hand there is always a problem when all you have is a gut feeling and hear say.

    I hope that everything works out for the best. Drugs are horrible and even more so when they effect those who can't make decisions for themselves.
  3. Delta*RandyShugart*'s Avatar
    Thanks Ferris and Lien for your response.

    I figured that there is nothing I can really do, maybe we all will get lucky and she will just leave completely without her daughter.

    Unfortunately I haven't seen anything in person, if i did i'd take her out of her arms and call the cops immediately.

    I just hope for lindsey's sake that she isn't on oxy as we speak bc the one smart welfare law that Florida recently put into effect is that "any person who fails a drug test while on welfare, will no longer receive welfare."

    Thanks again for your responses, much appreciated.

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