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English Abomination.

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  • English Abomination.

    I wrote this in my english class for a descriptive essay assignment and thought it would be fun to share.


    Natural Selection
    The soldier hears a scurrying sound like knives tapping on metal and shudders in fearful anticipation. As he approaches the door at the end of the hall it opens, the control panel flashing “access granted” in fluorescent green letters. As the soldier steps cautiously into the room he looks around slowly, taking stock of his surroundings.

    The room is filled with the overpowering stench of rotting meat. Straight ahead is a large “L” shaped counter that fills the majority of the room. On the table lay the remains of some spacer’s last meal, the spoon still lying in the bowl of vitamin enriched gruel. Another bowl lies upside down in a puddle of the same slimy goo. Stools, which are bolted directly into the metal floor, are installed all around the counter. Many of them have ripped upholstery that is stained a dark brown. Another ugly brown stain trails off to the left as if a large mop had been dragged to create it.

    Following the trail the soldier finds a disturbing scene. There is a vent up near the ceiling that looks as if something sharp was used to tear it open, the jagged metal reaching out into the room. The light reaches in a few feet only revealing the piping that runs into the room. Underneath the vent lies what appears to be a human body. It has been mutilated almost beyond any recognition. Only the dog tags around the body's neck leaving any clue as to it's identity. There is an angry hiss from above. The soldier turns on his flashlight as he looks up to the ceiling. At first all that can be seen is a grid work of matte grey piping but as the soldier pans his flashlight around he spots something far more menacing skulking above.

    Up in the piping was a creature that looked like a mutated dog. The bottom half of the beast’s legs ended in sharp points of bone, like knives upon which it walked. Under the flashlights glare the creature's eyes glowed bright orange, glimmering menacingly as it examines the soldier. It's rows of jagged teeth gleam like razors as foul smelling saliva drip from between them. The creature is absolutely still but every muscle was tense and ready to spring.

    The soldier brings his rifle up to fire but is too slow as the creature leaps towards him as quickly as a snake striking its prey. As the creature’s legs tear open the soldier’s chest like a knife gutting a fish the soldier knows it is the end. The last sounds he hears as the darkness closes in is the sound of knives tapping on metal once again.


    My teacher thought it was cool an A for content, but I can't write so D--- for construction. Total grade....C-. At least I didn't fail.

  • #2
    Re: English Abomination.

    That was pretty neat, and hey, if you'd like any editting help or construction help, I'm fairly decent at English and composition, so let me know. :)
    Other than that, this was pretty sweet.
    --------

    Zephyr: Besides Wyzcrak and his godly voice; the kind of voice that you will expect to say "Zephyr, I need you to build an ark at Marine Start, with room for two of every structure so that I may turret spam for 40 days and 40 nights" that is.

    Squeak:Sometimes I'm awed by zibs genius. Then I remember he's Canadian and I feel significantly less threatened.

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    • #3
      Re: English Abomination.

      Originally posted by Keres
      That was pretty neat, and hey, if you'd like any editting help or construction help, I'm fairly decent at English and composition, so let me know. :)
      Other than that, this was pretty sweet.
      Keres will eat your soul... blahrah flah gore... /off topic.

      If the NS site was up (ha) I could point you in the direction to some old fan fiction.
      USAR

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      • #4
        Re: English Abomination.

        Fun to read. Thank you for sharing.
        Steam Community? Add me. | Free Remote, Encrypted Backup

        Darkilla: In short, NS is pretty much really fast chess. With guns. Apophis: I haven't seen anyone say that SM's are better than non-SMs. Nordbomber: This is THE first server I've seen where either side can comeback from out of seemingly nowhere with the right teamwork. en4rcment: I have NEVER experienced the type of gameplay that I have found here. Nightly I am amazed at the personalities and gaming talent. Zephyr: Apophis is clearly a highly sophisticated self-aware AI construct that runs on a highly modified toaster oven in Wyzcrak's basement.

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        • #5
          Re: English Abomination.

          Good stuff. Yeah, a few structure/grammar errors, but excellent on the content. You have the makings of a top-notch storyteller!

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: English Abomination.

            i actually wrote a whole 6 page short story based on this awesome game we had in the old bast; i got B lol

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            • #7
              Re: English Abomination.

              It was easy because the game is so cinematic that I just chose a scenario and started writing.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: English Abomination.

                I should use NS for some poetry inspiration.

                It would be hard to use descriptive words that aren't also the names of the aliens. Skulks skulking, lerks lerking, fades fading away. Would call for a bit too much repetition.

                Silently they cling to the wall
                When you walk by they start to fall
                They leap and they bite
                you fall to the ground
                but all through the fight
                there is still not a sound
                You reach for your knife
                but it is to late
                You pray for your wife
                and accept your grim fate

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: English Abomination.

                  Wow... never thought about that.


                  Lol, A for being extreamly cool!





                  10 extra awesome cool points for the first well done Haiku in l33t speak :)

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