Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

How to get over someone?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • How to get over someone?

    Hey fellow TG'ers! I just recently broke up with my fiance a couple of weeks before we were suppose to get married. It was a combination of several things involving her thinking that she was #2 to the military and how I changed on this last deployment and blah blah! This all happened around the middle of December and its been over a month and I am still hurting inside immensely. I try and erase her from my life, but here is the kicker. She is having my kid. So there goes that idea. I have been going to all the baby appointments with her. And before anybody asks...YES, the baby is mine. I remember when the thing got concieved. It was on a boat in the Caribbean.

    But anyway, its been over a month and she is always on my mind. What kills me the most is that I feel like I am gonna get replaced in all aspects from her life including the baby's. That alone will kill me! But like I said before, I am still devastated about it. Have you ever seen "Forgetting Sarah Marshall"? I was like that guy, except for the whole pleading with my dong hanging out. I was a wreck and I pretty muched moped around living day by day waiting for her to take me back. So after about month of this, I tried to pick myself up from this craphole that I am in. But everything reminds me of her. I mean EVERYTHING. Radio stations, movies, shows, TV, commercials, even the freaking Jersey Shore reminds me of all the super awesome times we had together. I swear to everything good and holy, the next time I hear that song "Dream" by Nelly, I am gonna go to the radio station and start blasting.

    This is the first time I ever had my heart broken. It honestly feels like my heart is beating slower and I don't have an appetite anymore. I don't even feel the need to eat Hot wings naked anymore (Devils Joke). I am trying to mask my hurt by jokes and humor, but I am still hurting ever so much. When does this pain go away?

    P.S.

    I am REALLY drunk right now off of Red Bull and Vodka with alot of Miller Lite. Actually, after proof reading this...I type better whilst I am smashed.


    P.P.S.

    My 4" long nipple hair just fell out today after 5 yrs of being a part of my life. This isn't helping much
    Last edited by Dirtboy; 01-28-2011, 10:46 PM. Reason: Nipple Hair
    "Dirtboy is super awesome, and chicks dig him too!"- Everyone




  • #2
    Re: How to get over someone?

    Just like in the movie, it's just a matter of time. There's probably little anyone can say or do that'll make you feel better immediately.


    If you're really feeling super depressed, it's a good idea to talk to a counselor.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: How to get over someone?

      Ok, this sucks. My girlfriend of 3 years moved out of our apartment 3 months ago. It came as a total surprise to me - but most of the time it is a surprise to one of the two ... Luckily there are no kids involved.
      Whereverer I go, whatever I see and hear ... something always reminds me of us - of her. And just forgetting about it does not feel right. I still can't sleep without some kind of music playing to not feel totally abandoned. Two weeks ago she returned her keys. She is now living with her new boyfriend. I don't care any more. I wish. It's not that easy. I listen to music, I read books, I meet friends, I listen to stories of people breaking up. It happens. It sucks if it happens to yourself. Time will heal the wounds. I don't know. But looking forward and looking at possibilities how to handle the situation is the only way to cope with this ****. I still do not know how to carry on and I'll leave you with this quote from Evanescence - My Immortal. All the best Dirtboy.

      Originally posted by Evanescence
      These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
      There's just too much that time cannot erase

      You used to captivate me by your resonating light
      Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
      Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
      Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
      I am drunk too ;)
      Last edited by dawolf; 01-28-2011, 11:02 PM. Reason: admitting i am drunk
      former TacticalGamer European Division



      A Tactical Gamer since 2005 (the glorious days of BF2)

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: How to get over someone?

        Drunk doesn't help dude. Time heals all. Just find an outlet for the energy. Learning guitar worked for me. Something artistic to release the energy.
        Do or do not, there is no try....
        -- Yoda, Dagobah

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: How to get over someone?

          Originally posted by gunjunkie View Post
          Drunk doesn't help dude.
          Nope, but it sure does numb the pain.
          "Dirtboy is super awesome, and chicks dig him too!"- Everyone



          Comment


          • #6
            Re: How to get over someone?

            No, I hear you. I went through a similar experience once, and looked in that direction for a long time. Ultimately, it was learning to write songs by channeling every bad piece of energy to something positive through that, that helped me rationalize, and get over the pain. Everyone is different, but if you can start an honest conversation with yourself, perhaps though an artistic outlet, maybe that will help. Getting drunk dulls the pain, but you risk a lot with it.
            Do or do not, there is no try....
            -- Yoda, Dagobah

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: How to get over someone?

              I think I would be focused on your child my parents split up when I was too young to remember I grew up with my grandparents and went back and forth to my mom and dads every other weekend and it wasnt the ideal way to grow up in my opinion not to say I had a bad childhood but I did get into alot of trouble concidering I didnt have a father figure to tell me what to do and when to be home. I would do my best to get along with her and if you love her try your best to get back together if that doesnt work get ready for child support.

              So basicly worry about your childs future its most important and just be happy your bringing a new life into the world.

              I will also be a father soon my wife is 7 weeks along and i cant wait till he/she is born.
              |TG| Plude220

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: How to get over someone?

                ..And you say you lost your 4" long Nipple hair? ...
                |TG|ARMA Pathfinder
                ..now where did I put my keys?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: How to get over someone?

                  I feel for you fellow heartbroken TG'ers. I too am going through a similar process these days.

                  My lady and i split up around november last year, it's hard. We had been together for 12 years. Lived together for 8. Shared everything. We even had a friggin' caravan we used on vacations. Well it's hard to adjust when you've basically grown up together and you need to rewire everything all off a sudden. Like Dirt says, it's hard to think about anything else but her and what you had together. We also have a son at 6 together so it makes it even harder. He now lives one week with us each now. Not ideal, but it's the best solution possible.

                  Anyway, i too feel down here and there and it's gonna probably be like this for quite some time still. Lucky for me i have several other buddies who have been through the same situation, so they advised me to focus on my son and try to keep the best positive tone i can with my ex, even if it's hell, because it's best for him and you in the long run. Because in the end all the pain about your (our) ex'es will go away. It's hard to see that right now i know, but think about that your kid is your blood, he will always be a part of your life. Think bigger than where you are now. And you will always meet somebody else, but also if you change your attitude and stay positive, things might mend up with your ex as well depending on your problems for going each your way in the first place.

                  So stay positive and focus on your kid! It will work out in the end!



                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: How to get over someone?

                    That really sucks and I feel for you.
                    Like it has been pointed out before in this thread lay off the booze as much as possible, you may feel that you are going mad right now but I promise that in retrospect you will think more clearly about this. If she means what she is saying "that you changed" it probably means that she changed too. I went through a divorce two years ago, it all started with her doubting her feelings for me after five months of marriage (we had been together for 5 years), well anyways it all ended with me wanting a divorce six months later. That was pretty much the worst year I ever had and I thought I was going insane. Now I have a better perspective of it, having realised what led up to the break up, what I did wrong and what she did wrong. I just felt I could relate to what you are going through right now and I just want to tell you to hang in there!
                    I can't relate to the two of you having a child but I think Superfast makes a good point, stay positive and focus on your kid. Keeping a positive tone to your ex as much as possible is something that is good to do like Superfast writes, eventhough it is very hard to do. I was never good with that and it just prolonged the heart ache.
                    If the break up is final, avoid talking about the reasons for it and do not ask questions that you don't want an answer to (I did that, not good)

                    Give it time and I think you will feel better, you are going through some very hard times right now, just know that it is not the end of the world, but a start of a new era where you will get new experiences. I have grown immensely as a person the last couple of years and rebuilt my self confidence and made changes in my life. Just don't turn to drinking it does not work as it only makes you feel worse the following days after. Just as an example, say you "numb" the pain with drinking on a wednesday you will feel worse emotionally on thursday and friday. Friday night you feel like going out so you drink again and feel worse saturday and sunday. If you repeat that pattern you are only feeling better on mondays and tuesdays. I am not saying this is an absolute truth, just the way I have had it explained to me when I felt blue and it helped me.

                    In conclusion, take care of your self and try your best to focus on other things than that she hurt you badly. It will feel better in time, allow yourself to be sad, but try to do things that normally make you feel good. I don't want you to think that I am claiming to know how hard you are hurting or that I understand you completely in this situation. I just wanted to share.

                    Take care and good luck
                    "Nemo Saltat Sobrius, Nisi Forte Insanit"

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: How to get over someone?

                      Originally posted by sordavie View Post
                      Just like in the movie, it's just a matter of time. There's probably little anyone can say or do that'll make you feel better immediately.


                      If you're really feeling super depressed, it's a good idea to talk to a counselor.
                      Sordavie said it best. Time will heal the pain.

                      Careful with the alcohol use.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: How to get over someone?

                        Well I'm not sure what your after right now? Do you want to get back together with her or just heal and move on? I think if you want to get back together then your answer is going to be inbetween those "blah, blah, blah's" you mentioned. I don't think you need to explain that here but you need to take a real hard look at the "change" percieved or real and talk with some good friends about it. I know anytime my wife and I have a big blow out it takes me some time to look at the situation and the role I played in it, it's not always obvious to me how my actions can affect her etc. Just my opinion, don't skip over the cause if you truly want to be with her, it holds the answer IMO. Good luck, stay strong. Enjoy a couple a drinks just don't make it a habbit or long term.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: How to get over someone?

                          Hey Dirt...I'm sorry for your pain.

                          Nothing against you, or her...but the welfare of your child is really what is most important now. I grew up in a broken family and vowed I wouldn't do that to my kids. it's been hard at times as my wife can be a fecking arse at times...but aren't we all at times??

                          Anyways...given what I said above I'd lobby for reconciliation...at any cost? no...but pay the piper in order to give your child a shot at a normal family life. I know it's not you that forced the issue so I would say ask her what it would take to reconcile and consider doing it no matter how onerous...if not for you than for your child's best interest.

                          Good luck bro.
                          sigpic
                          |TG-1st|Grunt
                          ARMA Admin (retired)
                          Pathfinder-Spartan 5

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: How to get over someone?

                            Been there, done that , and unfortunately I have the T-shirt to prove it. What helped me was digging into my work and staying busy as hell. Time passes and the pain fades, while I understand the booze part....it leads to pretty humiliating booty calls that leave you looking like a fool. Chin up fellas
                            "Everyone makes fun of us rednecks with our big trucks and all our guns........until the zombie apocalypse"

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: How to get over someone?

                              I feel bad for being late to the party here, but I thought I'd throw in my two cents anyway.

                              Let me start by saying that I know you're going to do right by your kid at any cost, thats just who you are. After several years of knowing you, that goes without saying.

                              But my opinion differs from what most other people are saying. I have some degree of personal experience over the last couple years with this sort of thing. First, anyone who gets into a relationship with someone in the military has to do so with a strong constitution and clear head. Of course the military takes top spot in your life. It HAS to. Its not like an office job that you can just walk away from. Thats not to say that anyone should neglect their relationships to be gung-ho (which I know you werent from what you wrote on facebook, and the devils' forum, etc.), but the other person has to have an iron-clad understanding about what your life IS.

                              As far as getting over her, thats where my real expertise lies. All of these people saying that "time fixes it"? I call bull on that. I was with my ex for four years and had been friends with her for 7 before that. We were a couple months away from getting married. Everything was peachy. Then, she goes to a three month training stint down in texas (which I couldnt go with her to thanks to the wonderful US Army), meets a guy and ends our whole relationship for a guy who she had known for two days.

                              Now heres where it gets tough: you're forced into the same position i took by choice. I chose to maintain a friendship with her. You kinda have to because of your kid. So I got to sit there on the sidelines and watch her be happy with this new dude and then fall apart when it turns out that he was a cheating, violent, manipulative SOB. All the while, reminding myself that I treated her like a freaking princess.

                              For three years after that, everything reminded me of her, and it was worst when she would call me to chat. I waited and waited and waited and waited for something to change, for something to release me from this hold our past had on me. There were times when I pined to have her back and times when I wanted nothing more than to never think about her again. But nothing changed, not until I did it myself.

                              You see, the passage of time does NOTHING, especially when the person is still a part of your life. You have to force yourself to move on. Something reminds you of her? Get rid of it, change the channel, change the station. Force yourself to take interest in new things and new people. Go out on some dates and consciously FORCE yourself to not feel guilty AND to pay genuine attention to the girl in front of you. DONT, under any circumstances, compare your new experiences with your old ones.

                              Think about it like getting out of prison because you were falsely accused. You have two choices: start fresh and make the best of whats still in front of you or be bitter and dwell on the fact that you had to deal with all of that crap to begin with. I took the latter path and it plagued me for years before I wise'd up and pulled my head out of my rear end.

                              So sure, I still talk to my ex on occasion, but she's not the center of my universe anymore. I forced myself to find new things to enjoy, things she CANT be a part of. I forced myself to start dating again and enjoying the company of new people. Could I have done it sooner? Absolutely. Did the passage of time make a difference in the way I felt about her? Not a chance. Not until I got proactive about changing that.

                              Just take care of yourself buddy and try to be happy, really happy, and not just feign it. If you need anything, you know where to find me.

                              Comment

                              Connect

                              Collapse

                              TeamSpeak 3 Server

                              Collapse

                              Advertisement

                              Collapse

                              Twitter Feed

                              Collapse

                              Working...
                              X