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50 Shades of Grey Movie Review... SPOILERS!

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  • 50 Shades of Grey Movie Review... SPOILERS!

    Yes, this is more of a joke post but with truths and observations. ;)


    So, I've never read the books, (but have watched hardcore porn, online that is.) but finally watched the movie with my wife last night, (sad to report she did not have sex with me afterwards or ask to try some bondage, like I was hoping for.)

    Anyway... that movie SUCKED! I sure hope the book was much better for you women then that movie.

    OK...so... one of the first things they talked about was how many women did this before, he answered 15... don't you think her next question or two should of been, "So how did those relationships end?" and "Are they dead and buried somewhere?"

    and then they read the contract, going over what they can and can't do... well that list was pretty damn exciting... bondage, vibrators, toys, straps, sex restraints etc etc... yet, during the whole 2 hour movie all he ever did to her was tie her hands up, to the bed post, then to the ceiling... where the hell was all the other stuff... oh, he hit her on the body parts a couple of times with a riding crop... really, that's it? Where was the vibrators, the sex machines, the sex beds, hot candle wax...etc etc...

    oh and the butt plug, OK she was a virgin... but don't tell me anyone over the age of 16 don't know what the hell a butt plug is, lol... hell that's one of the first toys introduced, after a viberator in bondage and submission sessions.

    and speaking of submission, OK...so she searched the word, knowing the internet like I, we all know... I'm pretty sure after she searched that word, she was getting pop ups and all the web sites she visited afterwards had advertisements for sex toys and bondage, even this site. So how the hell did she not know what some stuff was?

    and then the conclusion... so she got spanked 6 times and was made to count then out loud... on the butt with a belt... HELL, my parents did that to me every other day as a kid... that was the last straw? a spanking on the butt with a belt... that made her leave and the movie ends... really? worst movie ending ever BTW.

    Rating... 1/2 a spank out of 10.... conclusion, someone needs to make this into a true porn movie, with real bondage and submissive behavior... which is probably already in the works. ;)

    Thank you for reading my review. Now to go look at real bondage porn, finish what was barely started last night. ;)
    Magnum |TG-18th|


    We stand between chaos and order, evil and good, despair and hope - we are the Thin Blue Line, and we will never be broken.


  • #2
    Re: 50 Shades of Grey Movie Review... SPOILERS!

    If you weren't in it for the after show...

    Magnum, you once again made me laugh, especially the "1/2 a spank out of 10..." and the mentioning of being spanked as a kid--too many kids need to learn that way, too. ;)



    Interested in listening to guitar playing and a good conversation, look for me on TS.

    "Hope is for the weak. I hope for nothing. I work for things. That is the only way for events to unfold." -Cleverbot

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    • #3
      Re: 50 Shades of Grey Movie Review... SPOILERS!

      Thx... was wondering if anyone at TG had a scene of humor anymore. ;)
      Magnum |TG-18th|


      We stand between chaos and order, evil and good, despair and hope - we are the Thin Blue Line, and we will never be broken.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: 50 Shades of Grey Movie Review... SPOILERS!

        I was actually wondering if this should have been posted in the Sandbox? Maybe I am getting old. lol
        "The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw



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        • #5
          Re: 50 Shades of Grey Movie Review... SPOILERS!

          Originally posted by Randy_Shughart_ClwFL View Post
          I was actually wondering if this should have been posted in the Sandbox? Maybe I am getting old. lol
          It falls into the Grey area. . .



          Interested in listening to guitar playing and a good conversation, look for me on TS.

          "Hope is for the weak. I hope for nothing. I work for things. That is the only way for events to unfold." -Cleverbot

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: 50 Shades of Grey Movie Review... SPOILERS!

            Err I'm gonna hold back on what I say lol since you put it in the General Discussion forum Magnum.

            As for the movie, I have not seen it and probably don't plan to. What I've heard from friends vary from "disgusting" to "lame" and everything in-between. There are worst movies out there (don't ask, you probably don't want to see them). From what you've said though...sounds lame, like a softcore porno? If that's the case, wow, I'd rather look up porn on the internet. Would save me the cost of a ticket and travel.
            |TG-18th| Acreo Aeneas
            TG World of Tanks Clan Executive Officer
            Former 9th & 13th

            Pronounciation: Eh-Cree-Oh Ah-Nay-Ess
            Still can't say it? Call me Acorn then. -.-





            SSDs I Own: Kingston HyperX 3K (240 GB), Samsung 840 Pro (256 GB), Samsung 840 EVO (250 GB), Samsung 840 x 2 (120 GB), Plextor M5S (120 GB), OCZ Vertex (30 GB)

            TG Primer and Rules

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            • #7
              Re: 50 Shades of Grey Movie Review... SPOILERS!

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: 50 Shades of Grey Movie Review... SPOILERS!

                One more reason not to get into failed fan-fiction. Shipping, whipping, and sipping blood--all of these things are my favorite things...



                Interested in listening to guitar playing and a good conversation, look for me on TS.

                "Hope is for the weak. I hope for nothing. I work for things. That is the only way for events to unfold." -Cleverbot

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: 50 Shades of Grey Movie Review... SPOILERS!

                  Nice find, Vitamin.
                  |TG|Melee
                  Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose!

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                  • #10
                    Re: 50 Shades of Grey Movie Review... SPOILERS!

                    Havn't seen this movie and was never interested in it even before all the bad reviews. Same reason I did not see twilight. Society is getting dominated by these schemes. Adults (should)see all of this for what it is, which is crap, unrealistic and not how a healthy physical relationship should be. Unfortunately, for teens(and weak minded adults) this is seen differently and what they see on the big screen(or other media) is what they are more likely to try out themselves thus giving young teens a distorted view of reality.

                    In any case, I am a realist, so movies for me tend to go down the drain if there is something incredibly unreasonable in it. For it to be a great movie in my eyes means that they have to film within the constraints of reality and shoot scenes which are either in our time or in the future physically and scientifically plausible. That's the reason i dont like the fantasy genre or, wait for it... Lord of the Rings.

                    Back to this movie, yes it is bad. But any movie trying to portray sexual taboo's like this is going to be bad in my opinion. Because everyone is different when it comes to what they like and what they don't and what is "normal" or not is just a social construct. Normal does not exist. It can not be quantified. It is whatever you grow up with, norms and values that make you who you are. This is your own personal "bubble" and in that bubble you know what is bad, good, right, wrong, normal, weird, against the law etc etc. But it does not mean that your bubble is correct or incorrect.

                    That's why I am a huge proponent of freedom in the true sense of the word, not like they use it in the media or in politics.

                    Nothing and everything is a taboo, it all has to do with your bubble's social structure.

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                    • #11
                      Re: 50 Shades of Grey Movie Review... SPOILERS!

                      Originally posted by Kwalc View Post
                      Havn't seen this movie and was never interested in it even before all the bad reviews. Same reason I did not see twilight. Society is getting dominated by these schemes. Adults (should)see all of this for what it is, which is crap, unrealistic and not how a healthy physical relationship should be. Unfortunately, for teens(and weak minded adults) this is seen differently and what they see on the big screen(or other media) is what they are more likely to try out themselves thus giving young teens a distorted view of reality.

                      In any case, I am a realist, so movies for me tend to go down the drain if there is something incredibly unreasonable in it. For it to be a great movie in my eyes means that they have to film within the constraints of reality and shoot scenes which are either in our time or in the future physically and scientifically plausible. That's the reason i dont like the fantasy genre or, wait for it... Lord of the Rings.

                      Back to this movie, yes it is bad. But any movie trying to portray sexual taboo's like this is going to be bad in my opinion. Because everyone is different when it comes to what they like and what they don't and what is "normal" or not is just a social construct. Normal does not exist. It can not be quantified. It is whatever you grow up with, norms and values that make you who you are. This is your own personal "bubble" and in that bubble you know what is bad, good, right, wrong, normal, weird, against the law etc etc. But it does not mean that your bubble is correct or incorrect.

                      That's why I am a huge proponent of freedom in the true sense of the word, not like they use it in the media or in politics.

                      Nothing and everything is a taboo, it all has to do with your bubble's social structure.
                      Can't agree with your sentiment that everything is good and a taboo, but I have to agree that there are many who fall for the unrealistic. Not to get too far from the original conversation, it just seems that many people have their heads in the sand.

                      Do you feel that the common consensus about this movie is that it should have been a B-rated porn movie and kept off the big screen?



                      Interested in listening to guitar playing and a good conversation, look for me on TS.

                      "Hope is for the weak. I hope for nothing. I work for things. That is the only way for events to unfold." -Cleverbot

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: 50 Shades of Grey Movie Review... SPOILERS!

                        Haven't read the book, I don't read trash, and haven't seen the movie. Nevertheless I am led to believe by almost every reputable source I've heard that essentially, no surprise, very bad books make very bad movies. The movie much like the book is a triumph of social media peddling the emperor's new clothes multiplied by the godawful and desperate tastes of a certain sections of the book buying/movie watching public.

                        50 shades of grey is to pornography and exploration of dark themes and taboos what Justin Bieber is to music. Poorly written, talentless, pale, timid yet strangely cynical and exploitative at the same time. I'd rather sit through some godawful film with Hugh Grant or Renee Zelwegger and trust me, for me that's only just above getting knee capped.


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                        • #13
                          Re: 50 Shades of Grey Movie Review... SPOILERS!

                          You guys think that butt plugs are fun? I'm staying away from you guys. In fact when we are playing BF4 I'm staying in the uncap!

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                          • #14
                            Re: 50 Shades of Grey Movie Review... SPOILERS!

                            Originally posted by OldGunney View Post
                            You guys think that butt plugs are fun? I'm staying away from you guys. In fact when we are playing BF4 I'm staying in the uncap!
                            *Ahem* We'll find someone to push you into a MRAP and wheel you out lol. :p
                            |TG-18th| Acreo Aeneas
                            TG World of Tanks Clan Executive Officer
                            Former 9th & 13th

                            Pronounciation: Eh-Cree-Oh Ah-Nay-Ess
                            Still can't say it? Call me Acorn then. -.-





                            SSDs I Own: Kingston HyperX 3K (240 GB), Samsung 840 Pro (256 GB), Samsung 840 EVO (250 GB), Samsung 840 x 2 (120 GB), Plextor M5S (120 GB), OCZ Vertex (30 GB)

                            TG Primer and Rules

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: 50 Shades of Grey Movie Review... SPOILERS!

                              Originally posted by OldGunney View Post
                              You guys think that butt plugs are fun? I'm staying away from you guys. In fact when we are playing BF4 I'm staying in the uncap!
                              Ahhhhh... Butt plugs--that's the last thing I wanted to see coming out of Gunney's keyboard. I never thought I would imagine his voice saying butt plug and now it haunts me... ha ha ha... Nah, but really, we will have to tie Gunney up and make him follow orders.



                              Interested in listening to guitar playing and a good conversation, look for me on TS.

                              "Hope is for the weak. I hope for nothing. I work for things. That is the only way for events to unfold." -Cleverbot

                              Comment

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