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how do you deal with an abusive student.

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  • how do you deal with an abusive student.

    See, I have a moral dilemma on how to deal with an 10th grade 'Pastor's Kid' who is violent, intelligent, but down right stupid in common sense- he is like a 3rd grader.*

    I am a senior at a private school. I am not some tiny little stick who is easily pushed over, but in cases like this I must be careful.

    The part that gets to me the most is that most of the teachers are afraid to give this boy demerits or detentions because his father is the Pastor of the Church that runs the school.

    See, there have been multiple occasions that he has met the requirements to be kicked out, but they magically disappeared.

    Most recently, Wednesday, around 11:45 AM EST (the beginning of lunch), this boy checks me into the concrete door jam of the entrance to the school kitchen. He attacked me because he wanted to be first in line to the food. He was not first. The sad part is that the cooks that were there said nothing to the teachers or even to the boy.

    I feel like saying something to his mother, which is my 4th period yearbook/ study hall supervisor, or even his dad, the pastor. My only chance for times of talking to his mom is during study hall or right after school. I do not feel it is wise for me to talk about it in study hall around my fellow seniors- we split company.

    I feel helpless because certain things have made it only possible for the cooks to 'raise the red flag' about the incident. Once they do, then staff would be able to do anything.

    My only other option is to tell my mom about it and see what she thinks should be done.

    * The other day, the boy in front of the male high school body started mimicking the coach in an offencive manner, but the kicker is that he was actually doing it diagonally in front of the coach. He was almost ejected from the class. He still does it. He steels deodorant and uses it, hurts other kids, and steels from teachers... I end up some days being forced to force him to stop attacking the junior highers. Only one teacher each day or so gives him a demerit.

    This teacher is new and is not one who is from hick town, USA; he is patient, intelligent, funny, and kind- this is out of the box thinking in a taped up world. Well, this teacher really is the only one who gives the demerits to the boy. One of the funniest times was when he put the number of days it was until the boy left for a trip. The boy did not figure it out. Another time was when some one asked my teacher why he got the demerit slips out, he said it is for my favorite student but I wound say who- all of the sudden you hear everyone say the boys name.

    All in all, I do not know what to do with these incidents with the boy- even the mother does not quite understand it.

  • #2
    Re: how do you deal with an abusive student.

    Have you tried bullying him on myspace?
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    • #3
      Re: how do you deal with an abusive student.

      he has no myspace... I also have no myspace.


      • #4
        Re: how do you deal with an abusive student.

        Your situation is definitely precarious. If his father wasn't your boss (even if indirectly), I would say just punish him very hard and be very strict.

        As it is, with his father in the position he is in, I would definitely advise you to look out for yourself first. Whatever you do, it can cost you your job, and by the sound of it, this boy/brat isn't worth it at all.

        However depending on how well you know his father, and how he might react, you could talk to the father about his son in all discretion, and a very diplomatic tone. Only if his father supports you and the teachers all the way, it is safe for you to act and in doing so, you could do this boy a huge favor. With the attitude he has now, he is highly likely to get into deep trouble later on in his life.

        Come to think of it your dilemma isn't moral at all, it is more of a tactical nature. If you give the father a good hint about what is happening, and give him a chance to deal with it, then the moral dilemma is his. At that point you would have done all you possibly could. The possibility of you losing your job (or suffering other negative effects) if you act alone will do nothing to change that. The way the situation is, you cannot do anything with the boy without the father's approval anyway. That is why I would think it is best to get this approval first, instead of acting without knowing what the consequences may be for yourself (and your family).

        This story reminds of out two Belgian princes. During their whole education no-one dared to reprimand them or give them the bad grades they diserved as their father has quite the powerful position. They became stupid as hell, and that is not an exaggeration. They even changed the succession law to allow a female successor, so that hopefully their neice can become queen once, instead of them becoming king.

        A note on the side:

        I've always found the following therapy for such cases interesting, although it would definitely be against the law.
        Don Juan the "Brujo" that Carlos Castaneda encounters in his books was asked how a friend of Castaneda's should deal with his son who displayed very problematic anger outbursts and rule-breaking behaviour, while barely responding to punishment at all. His response was in summary to do the following two things.

        1) The father should take him to a morgue, and let him see a corpse. Make him look at a dead person.
        2) The father must hire someone the child doesn't know, to walk up to the boy in the street one day, and give him a beating. Afterwards the father must be there to console the boy.


        • #5
          Re: how do you deal with an abusive student.

          I think either Al is confused or I am. From what I can understand of the situation you've depicted is that you are a fellow student and not an employee of the father. -.-

          I'm just going to run with that assumptions.

          Al is right in that there really is no moral dilemma and the problem is really a tactical one in how you should approach your opponent in order to disable, disarm, or destroy them. Me, being an evil person, perfer the later mostly, yet I have been known to settle for the first two when the effort for complete destruction seemed like too much effort.

          First step I would take in your position is tell your mother of the situation. Explain everything that has happened to her, give examples of his behavior and the consequences he has recieved (or lack of), and then make it clear that you either want her assistance or her support in your actions. Never underestimate the power of parental support when it comes to conflicts between students. If she is informed and you keep her up to date then you can recieve feedback, ideas, and a more adult presence when it is required. Saddly as a fellow student of the troublemaker you may need to pull that adult support card in order to make yourself heard.

          Next step would be to recruit that teacher you mentioned. Since he's already shown a willingness to disciple the problem child you should turn that to your advantage and approach him with a clear plan of action that may solve the problem. I would suggest you start getting documented evidence of the kid's unacceptable behavior and his trends for ammo. What you want to do is investigate the how, why, where, and when he seems to act out so that you can build a profile for the kid. Does he do it in front of supervision without fear of punishment? Is he a physical bully who uses his body? Weapons? Does he resort to what could be considered torture or mental abuse? Does he do it between classes? In class? After or before school? Does he hang out in certain areas and inflict his presence upon other from there or does he make a noted 'patrol' and harrass people along his route?

          Of course you're not going to get all this information from that one teacher. But that's why you recruited both your mother and him first. There is strength in numbers and while a lowly cook may not want to speak up and risk losing their job, they may be more willing to speak up and give testimony if you have other people backing their story. With a larger base of operation you can convince people it will not be a 'my word vs theirs' situation but a 'here's more evidence of his behavior' situation where anything they say or give you will just be more for the stack and the associated anonymity that will give them. When going up against someone with the power to crush you its better to go into the fight with reinforcements and documents to back it.

          Once you've collected your case (making sure to keep everyone you've recruited/asked for help in your campagin informed of your actions and results) then I suggest you present it quietly to the kid's father. Call him and make an appointment or ask to talk to him with your mother present. I suggest your mother because an adult presence that is fully informed and supportive will lend credability to your case and she is probably the safest adult involved since she isn't an employee of the pastor.

          Here's the situation you can build upon.
          You are a senior in the same school as the problem kid so you are entitled to a safe and harrassment free study environment.
          The child in question (his son) is creating a hostile environment that you and others feel uncomfortable in because of the risk of physical injury or harrassment.
          He is currently running unchecked through the school which sends a message of preferential treatment over other students.

          Beyond that you can make your own approach depending on what you build with your case. I like to favor the 'legal' route and getting the law involved as an outside influence you are entitled to bring around against them. You are being harrassed and the parents aren't doing anything to curb that behavior. That could be negligence or the aforementioned preferential treatment that makes them unsuitable for positions of responsibility in a learning environment. Of course if you're going to do that then I suggest you seriously do your homework and make an approach towards someone in that field...potentially someone who is a parent of a student who has been harrassed. You could also play the 'future' card as mentioned before and that his behavior, if not checked, could lead to complications later in life. The 'social standing' card is also quite powerful depending on the individual since if its being kept private then a full exposure could be quite a scandal for someone in a postion of power.

          Honestly, just pick a direction you want to go with and you feel comfortable with using and arguing for/against. There are some risks of a backlash if the father is knowingly letting his kid get away with that behavior, but if you're sick of that kid's actions then the risks are worth the possibility of getting it stopped.
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          It was a confirmed casualty some time ago.

          Light, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they ticked me off.


          • #6
            Re: how do you deal with an abusive student.

            Originally posted by BeSiege82 View Post
            Most recently, Wednesday, around 11:45 AM EST (the beginning of lunch), this boy checks me into the concrete door jam of the entrance to the school kitchen. He attacked me because he wanted to be first in line to the food. He was not first. The sad part is that the cooks that were there said nothing to the teachers or even to the boy.
            Perhaps next time you should kick his ass when he pulls something like that. Force the cooks (or teachers or fellow students) to tell the Pastor what happened. While remaining silent is one thing, lying for this kid is entirely different. Stand up to him and don't take his crap. Make him get himself kicked out of school.

            Easy for me to say while I'm sitting in my living room, but, depending on your situation, still my advice.
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            • #7
              Re: how do you deal with an abusive student.

              Indeed I thought he was a teacher :p.


              • #8
                Re: how do you deal with an abusive student.

                Just get a bunch of people together and swarm him/beat the holy **** out of him.


                • #9
                  Re: how do you deal with an abusive student.

                  The issue is that he feels he has the golden "get out of jail free" card. he thinks there will be no consequences for anything. In most cases, a PK that is rebellious is a walking disaster. You must think of the situation from the father's perspective as well. Do you think he wants his son out of school and sitting at home, or in school where he can at least be supervised. This kid probably steals and / or does drugs outside of supervised environments. This is a worse alternative than dropping the charges against him in school. His dad is not looking the other way as much as he is keeping his son from worse trouble.

                  While I would not condone beating the crap out of him, having a few guys in ski masks catch him in the bathroom and helping expel some of his blood would probably go a long way with him and also help his dad get through to him a little.
                  Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. -Albert Einstein
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                  • #10
                    Re: how do you deal with an abusive student.

                    hell man, your a senior, the year is half/nearly over for you, **** happens. This is what you do, celebrate you final days at school, go to college, forgot about this insignificant daddy's boy.


                    • #11
                      Re: how do you deal with an abusive student.

                      Use the force!!!! LOL


                      • #12
                        Re: how do you deal with an abusive student.

                        What my father would do, BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM!!!
                        My father never treated anyone that is in a higher position with more respect than someone below him. If he thinks that a vice-president of a company is a prick, he tells him so.

                        I'm like that, i would knock the kid out cold if he tried to get physical with you. After that, other people would help stick up for you.

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                        • #13
                          Re: how do you deal with an abusive student.

                          You're a senior which (unless your schedule is radically different) means you have about 4-5 months left before you graduate. Unless this goober is really pushing your buttons to the point of emotional loss of control (whether that is physical, mental, or property abuse), I would suggest taking the high road and ignore him as best you can. Face it, the kid has some "political clout" within the school, let it go, get your diploma and head off to your next phase of learning away from him.

                          In a few years you can come back to town and let him bring you a pizza. Then you and your friends can get him back for being a dumbass in HS.
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                          • #14
                            Re: how do you deal with an abusive student.

                            Originally posted by aeroripper View Post
                            Have you tried bullying him on myspace?


                            • #15
                              Re: how do you deal with an abusive student.

                     got 4 months to go and you'll never see him again. He is entrenched in the system vis a vis his father. My advice is to chalk it up to a life learning experience. Sometimes you just can't win, regardless of how right you are.

                              I say move on and put him in your rearview mirror. He'll get his comeuppance one day. Maybe not soon, but we do reap what we sow.
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