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Things i have learned from living in alabama

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  • Things i have learned from living in alabama

    Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

    There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Alabama .

    There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Alabama, plus a couple no one's seen before.

    If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

    Onced and Twiced are words.

    It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.

    People actually grow and eat okra.

    'Fixinto' is one word.

    There is no such thing as 'lunch.' There is only dinner and then supper.

    Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!

    Backwards and forwards means 'I know everything about you.'

    DJeet is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?'

    You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

    You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

    You measure distance in minutes.

    You'll probably have to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day.

    'Fix' is a verb. Example: 'I'm fixing to go to the store.'

    All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

    You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

    You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car.

    There are only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.

    The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

    The first day of deer season is a national holiday.

    100 degrees Fahrenheit is 'a little warm.'

    We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.

    Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as 'goin' Wal-martin' or off to 'Wally World.'

    A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.

    A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop. . . . it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: 'What kinda coke you want?'

    Fried catfish is the other white meat.

    We don't need no stinking driver's ed . . . if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.

    If you understand these jokes please forward them to your friends from Alabama (and those who just wish they were).

    EVERYONE can't be an Alabamian; it takes talent. You might say it's an art form or a gift from God!
    The Old Guy

  • #2
    Re: Things i have learned from living in alabama

    Dirt roads don't just still exist, they are almost the norm.

    People go out hunting for their thanksgiving meal (deer), on their own property.

    Just from my experience :)
    Big-eye101: "A true catman post a day keeps the bad mood away"

    Please do not take any posts made by Catman seriously. If you begin to take his posts seriously, please seek psychiatric attention.


    • #3
      Re: Things i have learned from living in alabama

      Originally posted by Catman1975 View Post
      Dirt roads don't just still exist, they are almost the norm.

      People go out hunting for their thanksgiving meal (deer), on their own property.

      Just from my experience :)
      Oh yea, Thanksgiving is a big deer hunting day here in Alabama.
      The Old Guy


      • #4
        Re: Things i have learned from living in alabama

        I'm a California kinda guy. San Diego.

        I was trapped for four torturous months on Guam, forced to live in ridiculous close proximity to a guy that was the biggest stereotypical Alabamian redneck I've ever seen. I was ready to kill myself and/or him after just one of those months. Seriously, the mashing buttons thing, the tea obsession, the 'coke' thing...

        The best was when he watched a Georgia / Alabama game - at 3AM (which is when they were on in Guam). Six people living in a two bed / one bath house that had less square footage than most toolsheds, and he's screaming advice to the quarterback. Like "Holy **** the house is burning down and also my arm just fell off when the aliens attacked and shot it" kinda screaming.
        Last edited by Uranium - 235; 10-14-2008, 01:24 PM.


        • #5
          Re: Things i have learned from living in alabama

          Sad, Alabama sounds a lot like West Virginia as well. I think most southern states should be thrown into this.
          You also forgot the good one about having someone pack you to the store which refers to having someone drive you to the store. I still like that one. And nothing comes in a bag, it is a poke and everything is cooked in lard, fat back, or bacon grease.
          Soda of course isn't soda, it is pop and they have no idea of what your talking about if you say soda. You have to distinctly ask for a pop or better yet a Coke. The coolers have any Coke product you may want but only one Pepsi product "Mountain Dew". I think they like the thought of having a pop product named after their white lightening brew and some may actually think they are drinking white lightening.


          • #6
            Re: Things i have learned from living in alabama

            I actually lived in Mobile, AL for about 7 years while my dad was stationed there. I also have a lot of relatives that live in North AL and GA.

            While a lot of the above are meant to be funny, and many are, you can find lists like this for pretty much any stereotype group. Yankees are just as easy to make fun of.

            I enjoyed having a southern accent while I lived just outside of Washington DC. The closed minded people there would head snap when they heard me talk for the first time. I worked in a nature park taking school groups on adventures, and the kids have asked me if I am from just about everywhere on earth. They thought I was Irish, Scottish, African, Australian, etc. Loved when one of the kids that would ask something like that had their parent as a chaperon, and the mom/dad would do a face palm after hearing their kid ask.

            One of the things left out of the list above though is that people in the south are more friendly towards strangers. Even Yankees.


            * *

            Stoop and you'll be stepped on; stand tall and you'll be shot at.

            -Carlos A. Urbizo-


            • #7
              Re: Things i have learned from living in alabama

              If it snows, EVERYTHING is shut down.

              My Resume includes Pirate, Mercenary, and a Devil Dog, what else do you want.

              Pain is Inevitable, Suffering is Optional.

              When you can't run anymore, you crawl and when you can't do that, you find someone to carry you.


              • #8
                Re: Things i have learned from living in alabama

                Oh yes it was meant as jest. I have lived in Alabama all my life and I like to laugh at myself. The list was sent to me by a fellow Alabamian for a laugh.
                The Old Guy


                • #9
                  Re: Things i have learned from living in alabama

                  Those things apply to a lot of the southern states actually. And how is fixinto not a word? C,mon, everyone says it!


                  • #10
                    Re: Things i have learned from living in alabama

                    Why else would one carry jumper cables? I've had a set in every vehicle I've owned, because I can't assume some good samaritan stopping to help me will have a set. And I've lived in Northern California all my life.

                    In fact, I was cleaning out my minivan in preparation to get rid of it, and found 3 sets of jumper cables, handed down from various vehicles.

                    I also keep one of those off-the-shelf emergency kits in the car, including a tow cable, first aid kit, flares, reflective triangle, and some other odds and ends. And a blanket. The blanket is my mom's habit. You never know when you might need to pull off the side of the road and start fishing (one of her passions), and her blanket was the one nod to comfort.
                    Dude, seriously, WHAT handkerchief?

                    snooggums' density principal: "The more dense a population, the more dense a population."

                    Iliana: "You're a great friend but if we're ever chased by zombies I'm tripping you."


                    • #11
                      Re: Things i have learned from living in alabama

                      I related to (or wondered what the big deal was.... "yeah, and?" came to mind a lot on) 95% of them.
                      Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. -Albert Einstein
                      The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. -Harlan Ellison

                      If all else fails: "rm -rf /"


                      • #12
                        Re: Things i have learned from living in alabama

                        Up in the north (well, in Michigan), we measure distance in minutes as well.

                        Though I have to say, even though I finally broke down and started calling carbonated beverages "soda", going back to calling it "pop" again feels even MORE weird than the first switcharound.

                        Well, that, and how the sharpness of Midwest vowels really grind at me now. How could I have ever spoken in such a way? Makes my ears bleed. Almost as bad as having to make a Michigan Left again. -and I miss my Jack in the Box...

                        Now for the MICHIGAN list :D

                        # If you know what a "Michigan Left" is (... and wish they were Ohio Lefts!!!).
                        # If you know who "Da Yoopers" are and you would go see them live.
                        # If you know what and where the 45th parallel is.
                        # If you know what "The Lodge" is and at least two ways to get around it.
                        # If your idea of a good time is sitting out on a bucket on the ice in 30 below weather with a fishing pole.
                        # If you didn't think that being referred to as a Michigander was unusual until someone told you so ... or until you thought 'gander' may be a suffix for someone that lives in another state!!! (Montanagander?!)
                        # If you can tell the difference between Farmer Peet's and Kogel's Pickled Bologna, and strongly defend your preference about which one goes best with Pinconning Cheese.
                        # If driving on a smooth stretch of road is a rare and exciting experience!
                        # If you knew how to spell Red Wing Steve Yzerman's last name before the first grade.
                        # If your fishing boat, snowmobile, & lawn mower all have big block chevy engines.
                        # If you are used to the Lions losing.
                        # If you don't talk to anyone for a week when Michigan loses, especially if it's to either Notre Dame or Ohio State -OR-
                        # If you don't talk to anyone for a week when Michigan State loses to Michigan!
                        # If you were named after a Red Wings of a Tigers player (or announcer!). For example, Ty, Gordie, Kirk, Ernie, etc. (Name your favorite player from your generation.)
                        # If you have ever witnessed a flying turkey.
                        # If you give directions to your house by way of its vicinity to the local lakes.
                        # If when people find out you are a surfer from Michigan they tell you you can't surf on a lake.
                        # If the phrase "Dune Rides" reminds you of a fun trip "Up North," as opposed to a sci-fi novel about worms and sand.
                        # If you know that "Sault" rhymes with "Boo."
                        # If when you say "damn fudgies" you're not talking about a bad batch of candy.
                        # If you read this website. :-)
                        # If you know that a "party store" is actually a place to buy beer and chips instead of balloons and party favors.
                        # If you can say "Sea Shell City" three times really fast. (Sea Shell City is located in Cheboygan.)
                        # If you know the names of all the Detroit Red Wing but not the names of all 50 states.
                        # If you know what Deer Park Funland is called nowadays** AND you can sing at least part of the Deer Park jingle.
                        # If you know a family of five+ that can be supported by hunting/fishing/gathering produce throughout the year and consider buying groceries "eating out."
                        # If you refer to an expressway overpass as a viaduct.
                        # If you know what Pinconning Cheese is.
                        # If you covet your empties.
                        # If you can quote Hoyle on Euchre.
                        # If you know a great spot where to find Morel mushrooms (or Morrell or Morrel, whichever spelling you prefer!).
                        # If you've eaten wintergreen berries.
                        # If you consider pickled bologna, saltines, and Vernors a good lunch.
                        # If the four seasons are, Mud, The Forth of July, Mud, and Winter... OR
                        # If the two seasons are Construction and Winter.
                        # If you've ever included Al Kaline or Gordy Howe in your prayers.
                        # If you know what a sucker spear and a smelt net are for.
                        # If your winter footwear of choice is snowmobile boots.
                        # If you never take the plastic hunting tag holder off your jacket.
                        # If you've worn a tuke and/or mukluks.
                        # If you've said, "It's only 10 below."
                        # If the cops have ever pulled you over on a snowmobile.
                        # If you can recognize your friends by the kind of snowmobile suit they wear.
                        # If you can explain icing. (Not the frosting that belongs on a cake!)
                        # If you've seen frog legs on the buffet line at the local restaurant.
                        # If you know that grits are just corn meal mush.
                        # If you've performed the frozen zipper dance.
                        # If you've said "It's Michigan, not Michi-gun!"
                        # If you know someone who has a boat, snowmobile, cabin and outhouse.
                        # If you define Summer as three months of bad sledding.
                        # If your definition of a small town is one that doesn't have a lake.
                        # If your family breaks into violence during the UM-MSU game (any sport!).
                        # If you've known what the mnemonic HOMES stands for since Kindergarten. (For you non-Michiganders: Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie, and Superior)
                        # If snow tires come standard on all your cars.
                        # If at least 50% of your relatives work for the auto industry.
                        # If at least 50% of your relatives were laid off by the auto industry.
                        # If you have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.
                        # If you can identify an Ohio accent.
                        # If owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your home town.
                        # If you learned to pilot a boat before the training wheels were off your bike.
                        # If you think Alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder.
                        # If you point at the palm of your right or left hand when telling people where you grew up..
                        # If you don't understand what the big deal about Chicago is.
                        # If someone asks you if you've been to Europe and you answer, "No, but I've been to Ann Arbor."
                        # If "Down South" to you means Toledo.
                        # If your favorite hockey team's mascot is an octopus... OR
                        # If octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and baseball.
                        # If you have a favorite hockey team.
                        # If traveling coast to coast means going from Port Huron to Muskegon.
                        # If you refer to your relatives in southern Michigan as "trolls" or "lopers."
                        # If the "Big Three" can mean either Ford, Chrysler and GM or Domino's, Little Ceaser's and Hungry Howie's.
                        # If three out of four of your friends work for any of "The Big Three".
                        # If a Big Mac is something you can drive across.
                        # If you have no problem spelling Mackinac Island.
                        # If you had to get a passport to go to Ohio.
                        # If you have as many Canadian coins in your pockets as American ones... and can still use them!
                        # If your kid's baseball or softball games have ever been snowed out.
                        # If the trees in your backyard have spigots.
                        # If you know that a place called "Kalamazoo" really exists.
                        # If you drink "pop" and bake with "soda."
                        # If you know what a pastie (or pasty) is.
                        # If you drive 75 mph on the highway and pass on the right... when it's snowing.
                        # If you don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Vernor's.
                        # If you know how to play Euchre.
                        # If you classify your friends and relatives as "yoopers," "trolls," "Canadians," or "not from 'round here," (also classified as "Green Bay Fans," "Detroit Fans," "Toronto Fans," and "not from 'round here").
                        # If you know at least 2 Yooper jokes (like the one about the 2 brothers from Ipsheming who run red lights).
                        # If Fudge and Bicycles remind you of your honeymoon.
                        # If you can name all 5 of the Great Lakes, and point to their locations around your left and right hands.
                        # If you don't cross picket lines.
                        # If you used to think Deer Season included an official school holiday... OR
                        # If November 15 is a paid holiday from work.
                        # If you know that Pontiac and Cadillac are cities.
                        # If you can go from Hell to Paradise and Climax all in one day.
                        # If you're idea of reaching Climax is driving just past Kalamazoo.
                        # If you know WHY Paradise is colder than Hell.
                        # If you had Tornado Drills in elementary school. (Some of you older folks may even remember the fire escape slides!)
                        # If you know all the words to Gordon Lightfoot's classic ballad, "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald."
                        # If you can actually pronounce Ypsilanti.
                        # If you consider White Castle to be fine dining.
                        # If your local PBS station offers a venison cookbook as a pledge gift.
                        # If your union voted to work Christmas so you could take the first day of deer hunting season off.
                        # If you believe that the only records worth buying are by Ted Nugent and Bob Seger.
                        # If you not only recognize the names 'Bob Ufer' and 'Ernie Harwell,' but you would recognize the voices without hearing the names.
                        # If a seven course meal means having a six pack and a bucket of smelt.
                        # If the snow on your roof in August weighs more than you do.
                        # If you consider a rusty pickup a "turn-on."
                        # If you've ever gone "trolling for taillights."
                        # If you laugh hysterically at the "suckers" during movies of the week about hurricanes.
                        # If your idea of creative landscaping is putting an extra pair of pink flamingos next to your blue spruce.
                        # If you think there should be a "Fudgies go home" bumper sticker on every car north of Clare.
                        # If a Friday night out is taking your girlfriend shining for deer.
                        # If you eat muskrat on Fridays during Lent because it's "seafood."
                        # If you go "Up North" for every possible holiday.
                        # If you go to work in a snowsuit in the morning and return home wearing shorts.
                        # If you've ever worn a winter coat with shorts.
                        # If you eat potato burgers in Elmira.
                        # If you sing along with the YES MICHIGAN commercials.
                        # If when you tell someone where you are from and they say, "I thought that was part of Canada."
                        # If your idea of the seasons is Winter, Spring and the 4th of July.
                        # If formal wear is a flannel shirt, blue jeans and a baseball cap.
                        # If your children describe their summer vacation out of state as a "trip to Cedar Point."
                        # If you have to go to Florida to get a tan in August.
                        # If your 4th of July Family Picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
                        # If you know where the city of Ocqueoc is AND can pronounce it.
                        # If you have more fishing poles than teeth.
                        # If you decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend.
                        # If you know that there are two ways to spell Mackinaw/Mackinac... and know when to use them.
                        # If you know that Ontonogan isn't a geometry term.
                        # If you look forward to your retirement "Up North" rather than in Florida or Arizona.
                        # If you know where the Cherry Capital of the World is.
                        # If you get wet going too far left or right.
                        # If you know that Saline isn't just a term for contact solution.
                        # If your town has a blizzard AND a tornado in the same week.
                        # If you want Toledo BACK.
                        # If you know the dollar value of a grocery bag filled with empty pop cans.
                        # If "thumb" is a geographical rather than an anatomical term.
                        # If you expect Vernor's when you order ginger ale.
                        # If your fishing shanty is better than your house.
                        # If you have a bumper sticker that says "If they call it tourist season, what's the bag limit?"
                        # If you bring in animal parts for show-and-tell.
                        # If you can't decide whether the road you're driving on is paved or not.
                        # If you hit a deer,and put it on your roof to take home and eat.
                        # If you consider a meat grinder a major home appliance.
                        # If you consider quality time with your Dad sitting in a shanty until an animal walks by.
                        # If you leave your house in the morning with a sweater and a swimsuit.
                        # If 35% of your friends work at a casino.
                        # If someone complains about the weather you say, "Just wait ten minutes, it'll change."
                        # If you've hand picked blueberries the size of acorns.
                        # If you can distinguish between a Yooper and Canadian accent.
                        # If your idea of a traffic jam is 20 cars waiting to pass an orange barrel on the highway.
                        # If your school classes were canceled because of cold.
                        # If your school classes were canceled because of heat.
                        # If you know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
                        # If stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
                        # If you end your sentences with a preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go, I wanna go with."
                        # If most of the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal OR have the word "Winter" in the name.
                        # If you install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
                        # If you think of the four major food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
                        # If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
                        # If you think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
                        # If you think sexy lingerie is knee highs and a flannel shirt.
                        # If you know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Hotter than Hell, and Winter again.
                        # If your car is a Red Wing logo on wheels.
                        # If you've never met any celebrities (unless you live in Chelsea).
                        # If you've seen all the biggest bands twenty years after they were popular.
                        # If you measure distance in minutes.
                        # If you know several people who have NOT hit a deer.
                        # If you've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
                        # If you see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
                        # If you know more about wind chill factors and lake effect snow than you'd like.
                        # If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
                        # If you know which leaves make good toilet paper.
                        # If there are more shantys ON the lake in the winter than cabins around it.
                        # If your idea of summer vacation is to sit outside your home and watch the Fudgies drive by.
                        # If the only place you went all summer vacation was to Boblo Island (or Cedar Point).
                        # If your idea of a landmark is a huge tire by the freeway.
                        # If your high school parking lot looks like an NRA convention because of all the gun racks in the truck windows.
                        # If you know what Red, White and Blue beer is.
                        # If you consider Pabst, Blatz or Stroh's fine pilsner beer.
                        # If you DON'T consider Molson or Labatts Blue imports.

                        # If you were the one who turned out the lights when you moved south.
                        "But way back where I come from, we never mean to bother. We don't like to make our passions other peoples' concern." -Dar Williams
                        Former Captain of the 55th Infantry Division


                        • #13
                          Re: Things i have learned from living in alabama

                          You know when you see people with the Confederate flag flying and people around you say "Don't they know the south lost the war?" The answer is no not all of them do. :)

                          True story. In fifth grade when I moved to Alabama I had a fight with 2 kids who didn't believe me when I told them the south lost the civil war.

                          "I was never much a fan to playing anything online without having to manage my own private server. The Internet Gaming community has evolved to cater to the lowest common denominator and practically ruined my desire to have any part of it. But not here. It is something wonderfully different." - frozenchrome

                          "Teamspeak doesn't make the tactics in DayZ any better. It just let's everyone share in the agony of waiting to connect." -Warlab

                          Proud Former member of the 19th Mechanized Infantry


                          • #14
                            Re: Things i have learned from living in alabama

                            how are you enjoying the grits?
                            Randy = Ace ! - Warlab
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                            • #15
                              Re: Things i have learned from living in alabama

                              Originally posted by Scattershot View Post
                              You know when you see people with the Confederate flag flying and people around you say "Don't they know the south lost the war?" The answer is no not all of them do. :)

                              True story. In fifth grade when I moved to Alabama I had a fight with 2 kids who didn't believe me when I told them the south lost the civil war.
                              Didn't you know? It's not called the "Civil War" down South. It's known as the "War of Northern Aggression." Haha. Seriously, I've heard people call it that before. It cracks me up to see rednecks flying the Rebel flag. I'm thinking, umm, guys? That war was over 143 years ago! Give it up. That would be like people descended from the British Loyalists in New England waving the Union Jack these days.
                              "Common sense is not so common." -Voltaire




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