Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Marriage...is it worth it?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Marriage...is it worth it?

    Ok guys, since we are all family...I have to ask you guys a serious question.

    Is Marriage worth it? I am deeply in love with this woman and I think that she is the one for me. She is my everything! But after growing up the way I did, I have lost faith in the whole Marriage thing. I had seven step mothers who were clinically crazy and a father who was more or less a man whore who sucked at being one. I know that this is something that she wants, but I am constantly hearing stories about how relationships fail when the two get married.

    Thoughts and opinions?
    "Dirtboy is super awesome, and chicks dig him too!"- Everyone




  • #2
    Re: Marriage...is it worth it?

    If she (and you) can't sign a pre-nup then your relationship hasn't developed to a point where marriage is anywhere near a safe bet. If your parental histories are bad, then I would even more vote against it. As bad as it is, we generally live out the lives of our forbearer's unless circumstances or will change it. If you have kids, then marriage can help motivate people to work things out, instead of separating, but this is a poor reason to get married.

    I would recommend at least 4 years of common law before getting married. You're still bound legally, but there is no big production or expectation on the relationship. Oh, and don't have any accidents, this is your life here, take the steps so you get into it eyes wide open.

    My Fiance of 7 years has now 2 (first one when I was broke, the 2nd I spoiled her) engagement rings, and an extra "anniversary" ring. We want to get married, but are in no real need to get it done soon. It is a lot of work and expense. At the end of the day, the real true love is something you grow slowly over a long period of time with a person you trust and care for. "Love" as an emotion is legitimate, but it isn't the whole turkey dinner (so to speak). Stronger relationships are formed through some hardships and sufferings. If it seems too easy, then you haven't really started the real stuff yet.

    IMO marriage should be hard to get into, but easy to leave.

    Last word:

    Semper Fi.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Marriage...is it worth it?

      Yes.
      Forewarned is Forearmed




      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Marriage...is it worth it?

        Why does she want to get married? That right there is a big issue of communication.

        Is it just the big party and showing off to all her friends? Because that ends the next day, and the preparation makes normal parties look trivial.

        Is it a matter of religion? Family approval?
        Dude, seriously, WHAT handkerchief?

        snooggums' density principal: "The more dense a population, the more dense a population."

        Iliana: "You're a great friend but if we're ever chased by zombies I'm tripping you."

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Marriage...is it worth it?

          Check this out:

          http://www.tacticalgamer.com/general...od-advice.html
          Dude, seriously, WHAT handkerchief?

          snooggums' density principal: "The more dense a population, the more dense a population."

          Iliana: "You're a great friend but if we're ever chased by zombies I'm tripping you."

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Marriage...is it worth it?

            Love my marriage....and my family.......shudder at the thought of being on the dating scene again.
            "Everyone makes fun of us rednecks with our big trucks and all our guns........until the zombie apocalypse"

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Marriage...is it worth it?

              Sounds like you are already spiritually married to her, but you are not legally.

              The difference is legal marriage makes two happen. Automatically willing all your stuff to her in case you die and medical directives such as her being involved in your hospital care in case your incapacitated. Both of these things can be accomplished without marriage by drafting up some docs and getting them notarized. Oh yeah, and she can take your stuff easier.

              There are many myths about common law. In Texas you have to present yourselves as being married either verbally or in writing. It doesn't matter how long you've been shacking up. If your going to do this, it's better to get Elvis to marry you because of the obvious mucking up of the legal issues associated with the above paragraph.

              If your planning on having kids, then social security comes into play and it is financially beneficial to tie the knot for survivorship benifits, but I think that only kicks in after 10 years of marriage.

              Also do not share any assets before your married. Bank account, house, business, credit cards etc. More legal problems and relationship problems.

              Most girls grow up dreaming of their wedding day, especially if it's their first time. Guys could care less. She may at some point give you an ultimatum.

              Most peoples marriages breakup because both parties are expecting the other person to behave in a certain way and they don't. All of this has to be worked out before the commitment is made. It can take years. Take your time.

              A pre-nup is a way for you to make the rules surrounding your relationship instead of the government. It shouldn't just be a way of protecting you stuff.

              Personally, I will not voluntarily commit myself to any institution.

              My .02

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Marriage...is it worth it?

                If you have to ask the question then you probably aren't completely ready.

                So go talk to a marriage counselor before you get married.

                Make the engagement long, like 6 months to a year.

                I don't think people should get married just because they are in love. Marriage is a business deal as much as anything else. Love is necessary but it isn't sufficient.
                Iím not racists, I have republican friends. Radio show host.
                - "The essence of tyranny is the denial of complexity". -Jacob Burkhardt
                - "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" - Emerson
                - "People should not be afraid of it's government, government should be afraid of it's People." - Line from V for Vendetta
                - If software were as unreliable as economic theory, there wouldn't be a plane made of anything other than paper that could get off the ground. Jim Fawcette
                - "Let me now state what seems to me the decisive objection to any conservatism which deserves to be called such. It is that by its very nature it cannot offer an alternative to the direction in which we are moving." -Friedrich Hayek
                - "Don't waist your time on me your already the voice inside my head." Blink 182 to my wife

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Marriage...is it worth it?

                  I don't plan on getting married tomorrow or the next week. We both just rekindled a relationship that we had years ago. So this isn't a for sure thing. I am just trying to find some pros and cons about being married.
                  "Dirtboy is super awesome, and chicks dig him too!"- Everyone



                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Marriage...is it worth it?

                    I was a definite HELL NO on marriage after the screwed up family I had growing up. And I hated dating, having to try and keep track of every new girlfriend's stories and histories. Not being selfish, just when you have a new girl every couple of months, and you want to remember things they tell you, like about their growing up, it gets complicated. Plus you have to start getting to know all their friends, and trying to keep track of their names and interesting points. Just gets old. And my full time work and school schedule at the time was a huge strain.

                    Then I met Kim in my last class I needed to graduate (intro to criminal justice, needed 1 more basic studies in that area), and things went as usual as I explain above. But it just kept going longer. Had the same mindset on all the important subjects in life. Growing up I swore I would never get married, but slowly changed my mind. Had been saving up for years to buy a high end Kevlar Kayak, and spent it on a ring instead. Now we are coming up on our 9th anniversary. Holy crap, time flies, and now I feel old :( Thanks Dirtboy

                    I would be nowhere now without Kim. She is there to give a push when you need it, more than just a booty of the month girl would. She is organized to my complete opposite ADD (thanks video games/internet). Puts up with my wanting to talk about some cool new TV on the market or some new game coming out, even though she doesn't really care. A girlfriend would say "that's nice" and REALLY not mean it, then move on to another subject. Sounds weird, but there is a difference. A wife will get up at 3:30am to take you to the airport that is an hour's drive away, because you waited to the last min. to book the flight. She'll remember to pay the bill you forgot to, and you can trust her with your bank card ;)

                    Point is, if you find the right one, and you can hang out with each other for long periods without arguing, and she can deal with your job in the military, and you see things the same on like religion, the environment, cats vs dogs, etc., keep an open mind. It might pay off.

                    LINKS

                    * *


                    Stoop and you'll be stepped on; stand tall and you'll be shot at.

                    -Carlos A. Urbizo-

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Marriage...is it worth it?

                      +1 from me.

                      Just celebrated 12 years yesterday. Best 12 years out of my 37 so far.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Marriage...is it worth it?

                        Thanks, Bamboo. My cynicism is challenged by posts like yours. I've seen very happy couples and very unhappy ones and the result usually has little to do with how much romance there is at the start.
                        Dude, seriously, WHAT handkerchief?

                        snooggums' density principal: "The more dense a population, the more dense a population."

                        Iliana: "You're a great friend but if we're ever chased by zombies I'm tripping you."

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Marriage...is it worth it?

                          Originally posted by Dirtboy View Post
                          Ok guys, since we are all family...I have to ask you guys a serious question.

                          Is Marriage worth it? I am deeply in love with this woman and I think that she is the one for me. She is my everything! But after growing up the way I did, I have lost faith in the whole Marriage thing. I had seven step mothers who were clinically crazy and a father who was more or less a man whore who sucked at being one. I know that this is something that she wants, but I am constantly hearing stories about how relationships fail when the two get married.

                          Thoughts and opinions?
                          It depends. The marriage contract protects the party who stays home to look after the home and the children at the expenses of the party who goes out earning the bacon so to say. If you earn good money and have good earning potential and your partner does not, logically you should avoid marriage, seen as in the event of a breakup whatever you own is transferred to her untill you both leave the marriage with an equal number of assets.

                          However while many women have taken advantage of the modern marriage laws to leave the marriage with the husbands money for the flimsiest reason as soon as there was the legal enviroment that allowed them to do so, there are still many girls with intact family honor, meaning that the mother of the girl did not file for divorce, or did so with a good reason, like having been beaten by the husband for example.

                          I feel if the mother of your girlfriend set a good example to her in honoring the marriage vows you should give it a shot.
                          If the girls family honor is shattered, meaning the mother showed that the women in this family can not be trusted, by taking the father to the cleaner for "falling out of love" for example, by sticking with you even if you do not marry her she can show you that she truly loves you.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Marriage...is it worth it?

                            At the end of the day, marriage is just a piece of paper that states you formalized a bond with another person. If you think marriage will mean anything to your relationship beyond that, I would avoid it at all costs. My marriage doesn't have any effect on my feelings to my wife, and hasn't had any effect on my wife's feelings to me. We've been together 16 years this summer, and married for 14 this March.

                            As far as your past experiences with it, history is doomed to repeat itself if you don't learn from it. A piece of paper didn't cause the problems you saw with marriage in your childhood, it was the people to undertook the institution.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Marriage...is it worth it?

                              I wouldn't go back but I must say marriage can be a very rough ride as each party realizes what it is they really want out of a relationship.

                              If you and your potential spouse are happy to get married no matter whether you have a civil courthouse sign the papers ceremony or a lavish wedding, you are truly interested in the marriage and not the wedding and appearance ot others.

                              If you have presented yourselves the way you are, and are not hoping the other will change over time, you are ready.

                              If you realize that there will be times when the romance comes and goes, and that both of you will change over time, but you won't know it until it comes up, you are ready.

                              If you are fine with or without kids or are comfortable adopting if you can't conceive, you are ready.

                              If you are both more interested in being together than affording specific things, you are ready.

                              You will never know for sure if the other person is really telling the truth about these things so if you are good and you trust she is, you will be good to go. I was completely honest about my habits and dislikes before we got married and we had a rough period where she simply had to accept that I wasn't going to change. I still wouldn't go back to being single, the good definitely outweighs the bad. For most people there will be a bit of work to it, only a very few are perfect matches.
                              |TG-6th|Snooggums

                              Just because everyone does something does not mean that it is right to do.

                              Comment

                              Connect

                              Collapse

                              TeamSpeak 3 Server

                              Collapse

                              Advertisement

                              Collapse

                              Twitter Feed

                              Collapse

                              Working...
                              X