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  • Programmer jokes

    http://stackoverflow.com/questions/2...rogrammer-joke

    [media]http://img227.imageshack.us/img227/2596/featureiu1.jpg[/media]

    A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”

    The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”

    The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”
    Lots more at the above link. Post your favorites!
    Dude, seriously, WHAT handkerchief?

    snooggums' density principal: "The more dense a population, the more dense a population."

    Iliana: "You're a great friend but if we're ever chased by zombies I'm tripping you."

  • #2
    Re: Programmer jokes

    Lol, he drives an undocumented feature!

    If programming languages were religions....

    C would be Judaism - it's old and restrictive, but most of the world is familiar with its laws and respects them. The catch is, you can't convert into it - you're either into it from the start, or you will think that it's insanity. Also, when things go wrong, many people are willing to blame the problems of the world on it.

    Java would be Fundamentalist Christianity - it's theoretically based on C, but it voids so many of the old laws that it doesn't feel like the original at all. Instead, it adds its own set of rigid rules, which its followers believe to be far superior to the original. Not only are they certain that it's the best language in the world, but they're willing to burn those who disagree at the stake.

    PHP would be Cafeteria Christianity - Fights with Java for the web market. It draws a few concepts from C and Java, but only those that it really likes. Maybe it's not as coherent as other languages, but at least it leaves you with much more freedom and ostensibly keeps the core idea of the whole thing. Also, the whole concept of "goto hell" was abandoned.

    C++ would be Islam - It takes C and not only keeps all its laws, but adds a very complex new set of laws on top of it. It's so versatile that it can be used to be the foundation of anything, from great atrocities to beautiful works of art. Its followers are convinced that it is the ultimate universal language, and may be angered by those who disagree. Also, if you insult it or its founder, you'll probably be threatened with death by more radical followers.

    C# would be Mormonism - At first glance, it's the same as Java, but at a closer look you realize that it's controlled by a single corporation (which many Java followers believe to be evil), and that many theological concepts are quite different. You suspect that it'd probably be nice, if only all the followers of Java wouldn't discriminate so much against you for following it.

    Lisp would be Zen Buddhism - There is no syntax, there is no centralization of dogma, there are no deities to worship. The entire universe is there at your reach - if only you are enlightened enough to grasp it. Some say that it's not a language at all; others say that it's the only language that makes sense.

    Haskell would be Taoism - It is so different from other languages that many people don't understand how can anyone use it to produce anything useful. Its followers believe that it's the true path to wisdom, but that wisdom is beyond the grasp of most mortals.

    Erlang would be Hinduism - It's another strange language that doesn't look like it could be used for anything, but unlike most other modern languages, it's built around the concept of multiple simultaneous deities.

    Perl would be Voodoo - An incomprehensible series of arcane incantations that involve the blood of goats and permanently corrupt your soul. Often used when your boss requires you to do an urgent task at 21:00 on friday night.

    Lua would be Wicca - A pantheistic language that can easily be adapted for different cultures and locations. Its code is very liberal, and allows for the use of techniques that might be described as magical by those used to more traditional languages. It has a strong connection to the moon.

    Ruby would be Neo-Paganism - A mixture of different languages and ideas that was beaten together into something that might be identified as a language. Its adherents are growing fast, and although most people look at them suspiciously, they are mostly well-meaning people with no intention of harming anyone.

    Python would be Humanism: It's simple, unrestrictive, and all you need to follow it is common sense. Many of the followers claim to feel relieved from all the burden imposed by other languages, and that they have rediscovered the joy of programming. There are some who say that it is a form of pseudo-code.

    COBOL would be Ancient Paganism - There was once a time when it ruled over a vast region and was important, but nowadays it's almost dead, for the good of us all. Although many were scarred by the rituals demanded by its deities, there are some who insist on keeping it alive even today.

    APL would be Scientology - There are many people who claim to follow it, but you've always suspected that it's a huge and elaborate prank that got out of control.

    LOLCODE would be Pastafarianism - An esoteric, Internet-born belief that nobody really takes seriously, despite all the efforts to develop and spread it.

    Visual Basic would be Satanism - Except that you don't REALLY need to sell your soul to be a Satanist...
    Without teamwork, you'll never survive.
    Without betrayal you'll never win.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Programmer jokes

      OMG, I can't wrap my head around it...I'm a Judaist-Fundamentalist Christian-Islamic-Satanist? :row__735:
      |TG-18th| Acreo Aeneas
      TG World of Tanks Clan Executive Officer
      Former 9th & 13th

      Pronounciation: Eh-Cree-Oh Ah-Nay-Ess
      Still can't say it? Call me Acorn then. -.-





      SSDs I Own: Kingston HyperX 3K (240 GB), Samsung 840 Pro (256 GB), Samsung 840 EVO (250 GB), Samsung 840 x 2 (120 GB), Plextor M5S (120 GB), OCZ Vertex (30 GB)

      TG Primer and Rules

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Programmer jokes

        LOL, well, if you like them all, you sure are.
        Me, I've began with Islam and I'm sticking with it. I studied Fundamentalist Christianity, humanism, Pastafarianism (believe it or not!) and voodoo, but I'm still a Muslim.


        While not programming humor per se, computer people can still get a good laugh (or painful memories/tears) from tech support
        Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won't work."

        Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"

        Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."

        Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error messages did you get?"

        Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the drive and wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out. That didn't work either."

        Tech Support: "You did what sir?"

        Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."

        Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject button?"

        Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe you would send me a disk that was broke and defective."

        Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in your A: drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?"

        At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and motioned at the other techs to listen in.

        Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat what you just said?"

        Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your crappy disk out, then I had to use pliers to pull it out."

        Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that was sticking out when the disk was in the drive, you know, the thing called the disk eject button?"

        Silence.

        Tech Support: "Sir?"

        Customer: "Yes."

        Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"

        Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am going to sue you for breaking my computer!"

        Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue our company because you put the disk in the A: drive, didn't follow the instructions we sent you, didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't consult your user's manual on how to use your computer properly, instead proceeding to pour butter into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"

        Customer: "Ummmm."

        Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do record every call and have it on tape?"

        Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed to help!"

        Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for you. Have a nice day."
        Without teamwork, you'll never survive.
        Without betrayal you'll never win.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Programmer jokes

          There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't.


          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Programmer jokes

            i find more pebkac errors every day....
            Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. -Albert Einstein
            The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. -Harlan Ellison

            If all else fails: "rm -rf /"

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Programmer jokes

              For anyone who knows anything about computers, XKCD.com

              For everyone else,
              http://xkcd.com/627/ - solves all your PEBKAC errors
              Without teamwork, you'll never survive.
              Without betrayal you'll never win.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Programmer jokes

                Started out with a dead religion, Fortran.

                Studied Islam but decided writing 200 lines of code to do one thing was only for the fanatics.

                Discovered fundamental Christianity and thought I would never leave until...

                Satan lured me to his (her?) hedonistic embrace! (Actually I still do about 20% of my work in c# which I consider to be humanistic.)
                I’m not racists, I have republican friends. Radio show host.
                - "The essence of tyranny is the denial of complexity". -Jacob Burkhardt
                - "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" - Emerson
                - "People should not be afraid of it's government, government should be afraid of it's People." - Line from V for Vendetta
                - If software were as unreliable as economic theory, there wouldn't be a plane made of anything other than paper that could get off the ground. Jim Fawcette
                - "Let me now state what seems to me the decisive objection to any conservatism which deserves to be called such. It is that by its very nature it cannot offer an alternative to the direction in which we are moving." -Friedrich Hayek
                - "Don't waist your time on me your already the voice inside my head." Blink 182 to my wife

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Programmer jokes

                  Signs You're in a Class with Non-geeks
                  http://www.bbspot.com/News/2009/09/t...non-geeks.html
                  Dude, seriously, WHAT handkerchief?

                  snooggums' density principal: "The more dense a population, the more dense a population."

                  Iliana: "You're a great friend but if we're ever chased by zombies I'm tripping you."

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Programmer jokes

                    Old programmers don't die. They just terminate and stay resident.

                    "Everytime I read your posts I do it with Morgan Freeman's voice in my head as if he is narrating your life" - Aimed

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Programmer jokes

                      This is so wack using religion names to supplement language names...

                      http://www.buzzfeed.com/scott/nerd-venn-diagram



                      I remember talking with my sister (rather arguing) about whether I was a geek or a nerd. I held that nerds were the top of the food chain (so to speak) and geeks were below that of nerds. I insisted I was a geek and not a nerd, but she kept insisting I was a nerd and not a geek. We agreed to disagree. Maybe now I can prove that she is wrong. :D
                      |TG-18th| Acreo Aeneas
                      TG World of Tanks Clan Executive Officer
                      Former 9th & 13th

                      Pronounciation: Eh-Cree-Oh Ah-Nay-Ess
                      Still can't say it? Call me Acorn then. -.-





                      SSDs I Own: Kingston HyperX 3K (240 GB), Samsung 840 Pro (256 GB), Samsung 840 EVO (250 GB), Samsung 840 x 2 (120 GB), Plextor M5S (120 GB), OCZ Vertex (30 GB)

                      TG Primer and Rules

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Programmer jokes

                        Now I know my place in life
                        Without teamwork, you'll never survive.
                        Without betrayal you'll never win.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Programmer jokes

                          I guess I'm a dweeb, then.
                          Dude, seriously, WHAT handkerchief?

                          snooggums' density principal: "The more dense a population, the more dense a population."

                          Iliana: "You're a great friend but if we're ever chased by zombies I'm tripping you."

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Programmer jokes

                            ROFL...

                            http://xkcd.com/138/



                            and another one...

                            http://xkcd.com/149/

                            Last edited by Acreo Aeneas; 09-11-2009, 06:32 PM.
                            |TG-18th| Acreo Aeneas
                            TG World of Tanks Clan Executive Officer
                            Former 9th & 13th

                            Pronounciation: Eh-Cree-Oh Ah-Nay-Ess
                            Still can't say it? Call me Acorn then. -.-





                            SSDs I Own: Kingston HyperX 3K (240 GB), Samsung 840 Pro (256 GB), Samsung 840 EVO (250 GB), Samsung 840 x 2 (120 GB), Plextor M5S (120 GB), OCZ Vertex (30 GB)

                            TG Primer and Rules

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Programmer jokes

                              lol, you gave me the courage to reread approximately 600 comics

                              Here's one for security people
                              http://xkcd.com/177/

                              If you put your mouse over the images, some extra text appears for a little extra humor. Requires long titles in FF
                              Without teamwork, you'll never survive.
                              Without betrayal you'll never win.

                              Comment

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