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The International Rules of Manhood

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  • The International Rules of Manhood

    The International Rules of Manhood

    1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
    circumstances:

    (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    (c) After wrecking your boss' car.
    (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
    (e) When she is using her teeth.


    3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
    legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

    4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

    5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

    6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

    8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

    9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

    10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

    11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

    12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

    13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever! Issue closed.

    15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

    16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as foreign spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

    17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

    18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

    19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

    20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

    21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

    (a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    (b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
    (c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

    22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:

    i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

    23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

    24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

    25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not
    acceptable for her to drive yours.

    26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

    27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!"

    She gets an Xbox. End of story.

    28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.


    We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.

    "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

    "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

    We hope this clears up any confusion.

    The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.
    Magnum |TG-18th|


    We stand between chaos and order, evil and good, despair and hope - we are the Thin Blue Line, and we will never be broken.


  • #2
    Re: The International Rules of Manhood

    Originally posted by Magnum50
    27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!"

    She gets an Xbox. End of story.
    Good luck with that one :D

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: The International Rules of Manhood

      God this is so freaking awesome, we need to add some more rules just to complete it. I know they won't be considered part of the international version, but we can have a TG version.
      -BB|KillerTarget

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: The International Rules of Manhood

        Ha, thats awesome.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: The International Rules of Manhood

          lol, nice.....


          18th SF Operational Detachment Delta

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: The International Rules of Manhood

            Originally posted by Magnum50
            26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
            Now I have to get a new SUV. :row__523: Thanks.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: The International Rules of Manhood

              Originally posted by Turbo
              Now I have to get a new SUV. :row__523: Thanks.
              I think there is an ORANGE Ford Bronco provision in the rules, but only if the Bronco has tires bigger than beer kegs.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: The International Rules of Manhood

                ^ i think that can be amended to the rules...

                anyone ever read the urinal edicate rules?
                that sounds like a good idea trooper.
                -Vulcan

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: The International Rules of Manhood

                  5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

                  Where I was raised this would be impossible! ;)
                  Iím not racists, I have republican friends. Radio show host.
                  - "The essence of tyranny is the denial of complexity". -Jacob Burkhardt
                  - "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" - Emerson
                  - "People should not be afraid of it's government, government should be afraid of it's People." - Line from V for Vendetta
                  - If software were as unreliable as economic theory, there wouldn't be a plane made of anything other than paper that could get off the ground. Jim Fawcette
                  - "Let me now state what seems to me the decisive objection to any conservatism which deserves to be called such. It is that by its very nature it cannot offer an alternative to the direction in which we are moving." -Friedrich Hayek
                  - "Don't waist your time on me your already the voice inside my head." Blink 182 to my wife

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: The International Rules of Manhood

                    This needs to be a poster or a shirt or something. It really does.
                    _____________________



                    ---

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: The International Rules of Manhood

                      Awesome, just awesome.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: The International Rules of Manhood

                        Originally posted by Trooper[SNPR]
                        ^ i think that can be amended to the rules...

                        anyone ever read the urinal edicate rules?
                        http://www.drinknation.com/urinaltest.php Its the urinal test. I got a perfect score, even though i absolutly despise urinals.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: The International Rules of Manhood

                          27 for the win.
                          Dude, seriously, WHAT handkerchief?

                          snooggums' density principal: "The more dense a population, the more dense a population."

                          Iliana: "You're a great friend but if we're ever chased by zombies I'm tripping you."

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