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Comedy Quotes:

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  • Comedy Quotes:

    Rules: No more than 2 quotes, and no double posting.

    Happy Gilmore:
    What, you want a piece of me bob?
    No, I want the whole damn thing!
    [fight]
    The Price is wrong Bitch!
    [fight]


    Random Comedian:
    I like my scotch like how I like my women, 12 years old and mixed up with coke!

  • #2
    Re: Comedy Quotes:

    George Carlin:

    Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Comedy Quotes:

      State and Main:

      You believe that?
      Sure.
      But it's absurd!
      So is our electoral process, but we still vote.

      Aqua Teen Hunger Force:

      Aww, come back! You haven't even pissed on all of my house yet!
      [volun]

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Comedy Quotes:

        The Family Guy
        Quagmire: Now thats a woman.. that's a house.. that's a fish.. that's a bee!!
        Stewie: Oh is the doggy going bye-bye? I'm so sad... QUICK BACK UP!


        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Comedy Quotes:

          I have so many I dont know where to start.......

          Billy Maddison

          "its too hot for a penguin to just be walking around"

          "CALL THE ZOO"

          "erics pregnent o congratulations,o feel those kicks hes gonna be a soccer player,he is ...he iisssss"

          "heres a peice of ****"

          "HAHAHA he called the **** POO!"

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Comedy Quotes:

            Batman. Read. NO MORE THAN 2 QUOTES :)


            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Comedy Quotes:

              Aqua teen hunger force:

              "You better take some vitamins and TRY HARDER!"

              "Lets get outa here, but you stay and lock the door, YOU DID THIS!"


              Aqua teen hunger force:
              Meatwad:
              "Im pinned up against some naked girls."

              Master Shake:
              "Wheres that one at"

              Meatwad:
              "Something Something in your dreams. I, I cant read it, the women are sufficating me"

              Master Shake:
              "Hold on I'll save you"
              "Listen to me meatwad, Is it Hot girl on girl action?"

              Meatwad:
              "I'm Pretty sure their girls, but this one looks kinda,...........STT...RONG. How you doin"

              Master Shake:
              "Those perpetrators will pay, I will redden.........their buttox."


              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Comedy Quotes:

                Originally posted by Sniper
                Batman. Read. NO MORE THAN 2 QUOTES :)
                Can't read.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Comedy Quotes:

                  "can you count?"

                  (that actually WAS the punchline to some comedians act....

                  "I was in line at the store in the express lane...
                  the guy in front of me had like 100 items in the 20 or less....
                  I said" hey man.. the sign says 20 items or less"
                  so he looks at me all indignant and says "I cant read"
                  so I look at him, his cart, then back to him.... "can you count?!??!?"
                  Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. -Albert Einstein
                  The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. -Harlan Ellison

                  If all else fails: "rm -rf /"

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Comedy Quotes:

                    Osuari, Osuari, OSUARI.... Figure out whats it's from if u even care :).. ok.. it's time for bed for me :) :D


                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Comedy Quotes:

                      clerks

                      Cat Admiring Bitter Customer: Cute cat. What's his name?
                      Randal Graves: Annoying customer.
                      Cat Admiring Bitter Customer: [grabs pack of cigarettes] F--kin' d**khead.

                      Dante Hicks: My girlfriend's sucked 37 d**ks!
                      Customer with Diapers: In a row?
                      Last edited by CingularDuality; 06-24-2004, 10:08 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Comedy Quotes:

                        "What's arugula?"
                        "It's a veg-e-ta-ble."
                        (My Blue Heaven)

                        "And you smell of exhotic perfumes... not ship oil..."
                        "Ship oil?"
                        "The ships. This ships in the fields."
                        "What - ships - in the fields?"
                        "Joo do not know the ships in the fields? The little ... baa baa baas?"
                        "OOOooooh. You mean sheep!"
                        "Jes, this is what I said."
                        (Zorro, the Gay Blade)

                        BTW, Greg & I like the "annoying customer" line. You beat me to it.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Comedy Quotes:

                          End of Ace Ventura I:

                          "She's A MAN!"


                          Stasky and Hutch:

                          "What the hell was that!"
                          "Its a little man!"
                          "RUN!"

                          Comment

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