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Sea Stories NSFW

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  • Sea Stories NSFW

    After discussing some Naval matters with Lucky Strike I found a site that has sea stories from the USS Enterprise.

    Now a sea story is a tale of ones past experiences told to entertain others. It is mostly true but embellishments are always welcomed if it makes the story better. Usually they involve another squid (and sometimes even a marine) experiencing pain or embarrassment. Disgusting situations are the norm and morals are avoided at all costs.

    Enjoy!

    Edit
    ps Yes, I remember some of these happenings and even partook in a few of them. Damn I am proud!
    Iím not racists, I have republican friends. Radio show host.
    - "The essence of tyranny is the denial of complexity". -Jacob Burkhardt
    - "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" - Emerson
    - "People should not be afraid of it's government, government should be afraid of it's People." - Line from V for Vendetta
    - If software were as unreliable as economic theory, there wouldn't be a plane made of anything other than paper that could get off the ground. Jim Fawcette
    - "Let me now state what seems to me the decisive objection to any conservatism which deserves to be called such. It is that by its very nature it cannot offer an alternative to the direction in which we are moving." -Friedrich Hayek
    - "Don't waist your time on me your already the voice inside my head." Blink 182 to my wife

  • #2
    Re: Sea Stories NSFW

    I have a couple from my dad, but one of the best ones is this:
    My dad was flying ASW with HSL-35 off the USS Badger in the Indian Ocean back in the late 70s/early 80s. The ship pulled into Sri Lanka for 3 days and upon departure, the sawbones on the ship decided to play a prank on everyone (apparently he was a big religious nut with the whole "no sex until marriage" thing, so he made an announcement that anyone who had sexual relations while in port needed to report to sick bay to get checked for the clap. When the guys came in, he gave them each a pill (harmless anti-urinary tract infection antibiotic) that makes your pee turn bright orange and told them that if they noticed they had orange pee in the next 24 hours, they were positive for venereal disease. Needless to say, the next day he had 200 or so very worried sailors outside sickbay waiting to be treated. When word got out that it was a prank at their expense, the crew got so pissed off that they had to reassign the doc, get him off the ship via helo and get a new ships doctor.

    He's got hundreds of these.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Sea Stories NSFW

      Originally posted by Ferris Bueller View Post
      I have a couple from my dad, but one of the best ones is this:
      My dad was flying ASW with HSL-35 off the USS Badger in the Indian Ocean back in the late 70s/early 80s. The ship pulled into Sri Lanka for 3 days and upon departure, the sawbones on the ship decided to play a prank on everyone (apparently he was a big religious nut with the whole "no sex until marriage" thing, so he made an announcement that anyone who had sexual relations while in port needed to report to sick bay to get checked for the clap. When the guys came in, he gave them each a pill (harmless anti-urinary tract infection antibiotic) that makes your pee turn bright orange and told them that if they noticed they had orange pee in the next 24 hours, they were positive for venereal disease. Needless to say, the next day he had 200 or so very worried sailors outside sickbay waiting to be treated. When word got out that it was a prank at their expense, the crew got so pissed off that they had to reassign the doc, get him off the ship via helo and get a new ships doctor.

      He's got hundreds of these.

      Ahh yes... The pill.

      There was a guy who was a confessed virgin and could not wait to get to the PI (Philippines). They guy was simply isolated from birth I guess and very gullible.

      We get to the PI and he gets what he was after and gets a case of minor VD (we called it something else but the initials where DD). Any ways the other guys mention, where he can hear, that the pill they give you is also a test for AIDS and if your urine turns orange then you have AIDS. They don't give you this information so that when you go in for the follow up they can isolate you from the crew nice and quietly.

      The guy puts off going to the bathroom for as long as he can. Finally he runs to the head and when he comes back he has this look on his face and is so freaked out. Somebody hears him crying in is rack. The other guys are just finding it so funny. One of the other guys breaks down and talks to him. He is afraid to tell his mother (a very religious person I find out) and is just bawling. Surprisingly he never got angry and called the prank a "gift from god". He wouldn't even look at a women from then on! Got very religious and started or joined a prayer group and always had a bible every time I saw him.
      Iím not racists, I have republican friends. Radio show host.
      - "The essence of tyranny is the denial of complexity". -Jacob Burkhardt
      - "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" - Emerson
      - "People should not be afraid of it's government, government should be afraid of it's People." - Line from V for Vendetta
      - If software were as unreliable as economic theory, there wouldn't be a plane made of anything other than paper that could get off the ground. Jim Fawcette
      - "Let me now state what seems to me the decisive objection to any conservatism which deserves to be called such. It is that by its very nature it cannot offer an alternative to the direction in which we are moving." -Friedrich Hayek
      - "Don't waist your time on me your already the voice inside my head." Blink 182 to my wife

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Sea Stories NSFW

        Gringo, did you guys ever have a crossing the line ceremony when you were seaside, and if so, did it involve a garbage tube? :D We had one on the James and I spent 4 hours in the tube throwing stuff at the chiefs who were trying to coax me out with broomsticks!

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Sea Stories NSFW

          Originally posted by Ferris Bueller View Post
          Gringo, did you guys ever have a crossing the line ceremony when you were seaside, and if so, did it involve a garbage tube? :D We had one on the James and I spent 4 hours in the tube throwing stuff at the chiefs who were trying to coax me out with broomsticks!

          Yep, it is when you go from being a polliwog to a shellback.

          I refused to participate. Some lifer Chief angered me and I refused just to get back at him. Oh boy was he mad! It was worth it.

          But I do remember it well. Naked guys, head to tail, sloshing through a giant plastic tube filled with garbage and rotten food stored in the equatorial heat for the last two weeks. There was much more to it than that but if I wrote it down I would be banned.

          The marines had it the worse. Those guys where downright sadistic to their wogs. They where riding and beating each other and all other kinds of just sick behavior.
          Iím not racists, I have republican friends. Radio show host.
          - "The essence of tyranny is the denial of complexity". -Jacob Burkhardt
          - "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" - Emerson
          - "People should not be afraid of it's government, government should be afraid of it's People." - Line from V for Vendetta
          - If software were as unreliable as economic theory, there wouldn't be a plane made of anything other than paper that could get off the ground. Jim Fawcette
          - "Let me now state what seems to me the decisive objection to any conservatism which deserves to be called such. It is that by its very nature it cannot offer an alternative to the direction in which we are moving." -Friedrich Hayek
          - "Don't waist your time on me your already the voice inside my head." Blink 182 to my wife

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Sea Stories NSFW

            Originally posted by El_Gringo_Grande View Post
            The marines had it the worse. Those guys where downright sadistic to their wogs. They where riding and beating each other and all other kinds of just sick behavior.
            DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL.
            ~~ Veritas simplex oratio est ~~
            No matter how far a wizard goes, he will always come back for his hat. --T. Pratchett

            <---- You know you're getting old when you rely on your forum meta-data to remind you how old you are.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Sea Stories NSFW

              mooj.com

              nice. I found that one too.

              Anyone ever see a seabat? We were somewhere in the pacific going in circles when the captain came over the 1MC (shipwide announcement circuit) and said someone caught a seabat and it was in the helo hanger. So I went up there to check it out. There was a box with a hole in it and someone said to look in the hole. So I did and as I was peering inside the they kicked the box. I jumped 10 feet!!!
              ...............................








              Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.

              -Benjamin Franklin

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Sea Stories NSFW

                Thats the weak version of the seabat. We did the same thing, except it involved whacking the looker in the backside with a broom handle.

                Comment

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