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Help an NHL Player

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  • Help an NHL Player

    Since September 11, 2001, Americans and Canadians have come together as never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome tremendous adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come together once again to overcome our greatest challenge yet. Hundreds of Professional Hockey players in our very own nation are going to be locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren't bad enough they could be deprived of their life giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming lockout situation. But you can help!

    For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an NHL player remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and every little bit will help!

    Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a hockey player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than a month's rent, half a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but to a hockey player, $700 will partially replace his daily salary. Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.

    HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?

    Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.

    HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?

    Your NHL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

    YES, I WANT TO HELP!

    I would like to sponsor a locked out NHL player. My preference is (check below):

    [ ] Forward [ ] Defenseman [ ] Goaltender [ ] Entire team

    (Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team - $10 per minute)

    [ ] Jaromir Jagr (Higher cost: $32,000 per day)

    Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the duration of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored, along with an Jaromir Jagr 2001 Income Statement and my very own Bob Goodenow (Executive Director of the NHLPA player's Union) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).

    Your Name: ________Telephone Number: ________Account Number: _______ Exp. Date:_______

    [ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

    Signature: _______________________

    Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):

    Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______

    [ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

    Signature: _______________________
    I do what I can.

    cpgf: (n.) Acronym describing a significant other who has not yet acheived full spousal status and is in possession of a cable modem; of note because at YOUR house, you still have dial-up -- and crappy dialup at that.


  • #2
    Re: Help an NHL Player

    :icon_lol:

    Just sent mine in...

    What a great deal!!!




    Wow, when a Canadian posts how spoiled these hockey players are, you know there's a problem... :icon16:

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Help an NHL Player

      Who cares? Its hockey, no body cares about hockey. Its a Canadian sport anyway and Canada sucks!

      :P

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Help an NHL Player

        Originally posted by _Ender_
        Who cares? Its hockey, no body cares about hockey. Its a Canadian sport anyway and Canada sucks!

        :P
        It's the only sport I actually LIKE to watch.. I've also spent most of my life playing hockey. I'm pretty peeved about the lockout.
        Diplomacy is the art of saying "good doggie" while looking for a bigger stick.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Help an NHL Player

          I hope all the junior teams that are playing now get a chance at a new pro league and all the current overpaid pros transition into obscurity. Salaries are completely out of hand now, in part thanks to the owners themselves but if US$1.3 million a year for playing 80 odd games of hockey isn't enough for most of those *******s then to hell with them. I love the game but players greed has ruined the spirit (not to mention this season) for me anyway.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Help an NHL Player

            That's be great if they did that. Send in the farm team boys or Junior A's to play the season, I bet it would be the most interesting year in memory.

            They give it their all, every game trying as hard as they can to get into the NHL. The guys who are playing in the NHL today only give a fraction of the effort the up and comers do, and even then only during the playoffs.
            Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter.
            Ernest Hemingway, "On the Blue Water," Esquire, April 1936

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Help an NHL Player

              Originally posted by DeRanger
              I hope all the junior teams that are playing now get a chance at a new pro league and all the current overpaid pros transition into obscurity. Salaries are completely out of hand now, in part thanks to the owners themselves but if US$1.3 million a year for playing 80 odd games of hockey isn't enough for most of those *******s then to hell with them. I love the game but players greed has ruined the spirit (not to mention this season) for me anyway.
              That would be awesome. Pro athletes belong to the only profession that makes me wonder if capitalism needs to be as absolute as we think of it...

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Help an NHL Player

                The funny thing is quite a few players are now on European teams for a fraction of what they were getting here and some were playing in that 4 on 4 league that guy was trying to start before it failed miserably almost before it got off the blocks. When owners say they are losing less money by not playing, something will change, that is a certainty.

                Comment

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