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Tae Kwon Leap

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  • Tae Kwon Leap

    There is a thread in general about fun exercise and I posted about martial arts was the answer for me. That lead me to remember this:

    For the mp3

    Master: Approach students. Close the circle at the feet of the master. You have come to me asking that I be your guide along the path of tae-kwon-leep, but be warned. To learn its ways, you must learn the ways of your own soul. Let us meditate on this wisdom now.

    Ed: Uh sir... sir... ooo! ooo! Sir!

    Master: Who disturbs our meditation as a pebble disturbs a pond?

    Ed: Me. Ed Gooberman.

    Master: E... Ed Gooberman.

    Ed: Yeah. No disrespect or nothing, but like how long is this going to take?

    Master: Tae-Kwon-Leep is not a path to a door, but a road leading forever towards the horizon.

    Ed: So like, what, an hour or so?

    Master: No, no. We have not even begun upon the path. Ed Gooberman, you must learn patience.

    Ed: Yeah, yeah, patience. How long will that take?

    Master: Time has no meaning. To a true student, a year is as a day.

    Ed: A year?! I wanna beat people up right now! I got the pajamas. Ha..yo...wa... wooo!

    Master: Beat people up?

    Ed: Yeah, just show me all those nifty moves so I can start trashing bozo's. That's all I came here for. Yo-as-ta-ta-shah! Pretty good aye?

    Master: The only use of Tae-Kwon-Leep is self defense. Do you know who said that? Ki-lo-knee, the great teacher.

    Ed: Yeah, well the best defense is a good o-fense. Do you know who said that? Mel, the cook on Alice.

    Master: Well, umm... Tae-Kwon Leep is the wine of purity, not the vinigar of hostility. Meditate on this truth with us. Ahhh.... ohhhhh....

    Ed: Listen shrimp, now are you gonna show me those nifty moves, or am I gonna start waping the walls with you?

    Master: Ed Gooberman, you fail to grasp Tae-Kwon Leep. Approach me so that you may see.

    Ed: Alright, finally some action.

    Master: Observe closely class. Boot to the Head [boom].
    Ed: Ow, you booted me in the head!

    Master: You are lucky Ed Gooberman. Few novices experiece so much of Tae-Kwon Leep so soon.

    Ed: Ow, oh, my head.

    Master: Now we continue.

    Ed: Hey, hey, I wasn't ready! Come and get me now, come on, are you chicken?

    Master: Boot to the head [boom].
    Ed: Ow! Okay, now I'm ready, come on, try it now.
    Master: Boot to the head [boom].

    Ed: Mind if I just lie down here for a minute? Ow.

    Master: Now class, we shall return to our...

    Student 1: Master.

    Master: It is wrong to tip the vessle of knowledge student.

    Student 1: Many apologies master, but I feel Ed Gooberman is not wholly wrong.

    Master: What do you mean?

    Student 1: I want to boot some head too.
    Master: Have you learned nothing from the lesson of Ed Gooberman?

    Student 1: Yes master, I have learned two things. First, that anger is a weapon only to ones oppenent.

    Master: Very good.

    Student 1: And get in the first shot. Boot to the head [half a boom].
    Master: You missed.

    Student 1: Uh, yeah, well ...

    Master: You to shall be honored to learn a lesson.

    Student 1: Ya know, I can... you don't have to ya know... I gotta be going....

    Master: Boot to the Head [boom].

    Student 1: ooo...ya.. ehh... ooooogggg... awwwwww

    Master: Can anyone tell us what lesson has been learned here?

    Student 2: Uh, yes master, not a single one of could defeat you.

    Master: You gain wisdom child.

    Student 2: So we'll have to gang up on you! Get him now!

    Master: Boot... [boom]... boot to... [boom]... ht.. [boom], [boom], [boom] [boom] [boom], [boom] [boom]... [boom]

    Master: And now class, let us rejoin the mind to the body, and gaze into the heart of the candle in meditation. Ahh... owwww....

    Students: ahhh... oooooowwwww.....

    Master: Very good, class.
    "Sympathy means a lot, coming from Kulmar. I didn't think it was possible.
    Good luck getting rid of your disease. If you're infected, though, stay away--I can't afford to be a zombie right now.
    " Ednos


  • #2
    Re: Tae Kwon Leap

    Lesson learned?

    Never screw with the Master.

    I do what I can.

    cpgf: (n.) Acronym describing a significant other who has not yet acheived full spousal status and is in possession of a cable modem; of note because at YOUR house, you still have dial-up -- and crappy dialup at that.


    • #3
      Re: Tae Kwon Leap

      My Tae-kwon-do classes were never that interesting or worthwhile. Mostly I learned that Taekwondo is great if you're a small, fast person who likes kicking, and not much use at all if you're a tall, slow person who tends to fall over.


      • #4
        Re: Tae Kwon Leap

        My classes in martial arts have also taught me to avoid being the demonstration student unless I'm tossing my instructor. Being on the recieving end of a demonstration usually sucks, lesson learned.:row__572:


        • #5
          Re: Tae Kwon Leap

          Originally posted by Skylark View Post
          That lead me to remember this:
          People talking in movie shows,
          People smoking in bed,
          People voting Republican,
          Give them a boot to the head!


          • #6
            Re: Tae Kwon Leap

            The WoW machinima version:

            Dude, seriously, WHAT handkerchief?

            snooggums' density principal: "The more dense a population, the more dense a population."

            Iliana: "You're a great friend but if we're ever chased by zombies I'm tripping you."




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