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    An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

    Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another false alarm and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

    A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

    As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had witnessed the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"

    The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the **** out of a ghost."

    Happy Halloween!
    sigpic
    I run my $#@! new school style with old school roots...

  • #2
    LOL :D :D :D :D

    Comment


    • #3
      A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.

      She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

      She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.

      "Well, I've always had a fantasy to get a BJ from a nun."

      She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be a Catholic."

      The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

      The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy.

      But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child." said the nun, "Why are you crying?"

      "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm a Baptist."

      The nun says, "That's OK, I am on the way to a Halloween party, and my name is Kevin."

      :shock: :oops: :D

      Comment


      • #4
        :oops:
        "they're more like guidelines, than actual rules,"....Captain Barbossa - Pirates of the Caribbean

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by fr1j0l3
          The nun says, "That's OK, I am on the way to a Halloween party, and my name is Kevin."
          :o <snap!>
          sigpic
          I run my $#@! new school style with old school roots...

          Comment


          • #6
            Sweetheart Present

            A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note : romantic, but not too personal.

            Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstorm and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the note :

            "I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

            When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my Love"

            "PS The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."

            Comment


            • #7
              oH Hell I about fell our my chair good one bean boy !
              Was that Diablo flying that helio ?

              Comment


              • #8
                heard that one but it is still good
                "they're more like guidelines, than actual rules,"....Captain Barbossa - Pirates of the Caribbean

                Comment


                • #9
                  The contents expressed here in or implied don't necessarily represent the view points of S&P as a whole.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    The contents expressed here in or implied don't necessarily represent the view points of S&P as a whole.

                    lmao :D

                    We need sig lines re-instated so I can put this disclaimer in my posts.... :)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      :)

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        > Happy Halloween
                        >
                        >

                        > Late one dark and rainy night a man was walking home alone
                        when he
                        > hears a.......
                        >
                        > BUMP...
                        >
                        > BUMP...
                        >
                        > BUMP... behind him.
                        >
                        > Walking faster he looks back,
                        > and makes out the image of an upright
                        > coffin banging its way down the middle
                        > of the street towards him
                        >
                        > BUMP...
                        >
                        > BUMP...
                        >
                        > BUMP...
                        >
                        > Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home,
                        > the coffin bouncing quickly behind him .
                        >
                        > faster...
                        >
                        > faster...
                        >
                        > BUMP...
                        > BUMP...
                        > BUMP.
                        >
                        > He runs up to his door,
                        > fumbles with his keys, opens the door,
                        > rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
                        > However, the coffin crashes through his
                        > door, with the lid of the coffin clapping .
                        >
                        > clappity-BUMP...
                        > clappity-BUMP...
                        > clappity-BUMP...
                        > clappity-BUMP...
                        >
                        > on the heels of the terrified man...
                        > Rushing upstairs to the bathroom,
                        > the man locks himself in. His heart is
                        > pounding; his head is reeling; his breath
                        > is coming in sobbing gasps. .
                        >
                        >
                        > With a loud CRASH the coffin starts breaking down the
                        > door. Bumping and clapping towards him.
                        > The man screams and reaches for
                        > something heavy, anything ...
                        > his hand comes to rest on a large bottle of
                        > ROBITUSSIN .
                        >
                        > Desperate, he throws the Robitussin as
                        > hard as he can at the apparition,
                        >
                        > and...
                        >
                        >
                        >
                        >
                        > ... the coffin stops.
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                        Comment


                        • #13
                          grrrrroooannnnn..... ;)


                          hehehehe

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                          • #14
                            Re: Humor

                            A zombie joke for the ultimate Thread Necromancy:

                            "A zombie was walking down the street. He saw two of his zombie friends brutalizing an elderly old woman. Even for him it was difficult to watch. Against his better judgment he decided to help. Together the three of them killed her pretty quickly."
                            ~~ Veritas simplex oratio est ~~
                            No matter how far a wizard goes, he will always come back for his hat. --T. Pratchett

                            <---- You know you're getting old when you rely on your forum meta-data to remind you how old you are.

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