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  • Military humor?

    [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GZ7Z4vDKVw&feature=related[/media]

    This is gold If anyone has more like this please post!

    TG-E1st TacticalGamer European Division |




  • #2
    Re: Military humor?

    [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2Vod8NUE0M[/media]

    The "18B" course for Special Forces. 18B is the Weapons Sergeant SF MOS. All the people you see are SF instructors or SF students in the Q course.

    Make sure to read the ticker if you watch it again.




    [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENFQoBC-KvU[/media]

    The video is unrelated and added by a third party. However, the song itself was made by SF students after they graduated and went to Group. The video is from "Ranger School" and that's how the clip is titled on Youtube, but in actuality it's about the SF crash-course version called SUT. Just ignore the silly video and listen to the music.
    Last edited by FFLaguna; 09-29-2008, 07:36 AM.
    TG5th USARMY||JeonJiHyeon

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Military humor?

      Oldie but a good one.

      If World War Two had been an online Real Ttime Strategy game, the chat room traffic would have gone something like this.

      *Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
      *Eisenhower has joined the game.*
      *paTTon has joined the game.*
      *Churchill has joined the game.*
      *benny-tow has joined the game.*
      *T0J0 has joined the game.*
      *Roosevelt has joined the game.*
      *Stalin has joined the game.*
      *deGaulle has joined the game.*
      Roosevelt: hey sup
      T0J0: y0
      Stalin: hi
      Churchill: hi
      Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
      paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
      T0JO: lol
      Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
      benny-tow: haha america sux
      Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
      Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
      Stalin: cool
      deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
      Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
      Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
      Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
      Roosevelt: get antiair guns
      Churchill: i cant afford them
      benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
      paTTon: stfu
      Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
      deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
      Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
      paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
      Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
      deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
      *deGaulle has left the game.*
      Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
      benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
      benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
      Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
      T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
      Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
      T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
      Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
      Hitler[AoE]: wtf
      Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
      Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
      Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
      Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
      T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
      Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
      Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
      Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
      benny-tow: haha
      benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
      T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
      Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
      Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
      Stalin: church help me
      Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
      Stalin: dont be an arss
      Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
      Eisenhower: LOL
      benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help
      Hitler: o man ur focked
      paTTon: oh what now biotch
      Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
      *benny-tow has been eliminated.*
      benny-tow: lame
      Roosevelt: gj patton
      paTTon: thnx
      Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
      Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
      Eisenhower: Nuts!
      benny~tow: wtf that mean?
      Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
      paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
      Stalin: rofl
      T0J0: HAHAHHAA
      Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
      Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
      *Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
      benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
      Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
      Stalin: OMG LMAO!
      Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
      *Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
      paTTon: hahahhah
      T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
      benny~tow: shut up noob
      Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
      paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
      Eisenhower: yah me too
      T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
      Eisenhower: fock u
      paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
      Stalin: go to hell lol
      paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk
      Eisenhower: yah this is gay
      *Roosevelt has left the game.*
      Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
      Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join
      *tru_m4n has joined the game.*
      tru_m4n: hi all
      T0J0: hey
      Stalin: sup
      Churchill: hi
      tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
      tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
      Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
      tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
      Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
      T0J0: wtf is nukes?
      T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
      *T0J0 has been eliminated.*
      *The Allied team has won the game!*
      Eisenhower: awesome!
      Churchill: gg noobs no re
      T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
      *T0J0 has left the game.*
      *Eisenhower has left the game.*
      Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
      Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
      tru_m4n: l8r all
      benny~tow: bye
      Churchill: l8r
      Stalin: fock u all
      tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
      *tru_m4n has left the game.*
      benny~tow: lololol u commie
      Churchill: ROFL
      Churchill: bye commie
      *Churchill has left the game.*
      *benny~tow has left the game.*
      Stalin: i hate u all fags
      *Stalin has left the game.*
      paTTon: lol no1 is left
      paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
      *paTTon has been eliminated.*
      paTTon: o sh1t!
      *paTTon has left the game.*

      [media]http://www.strategypage.com/gallery/images/Bombsquad.jpg[/media]

      Rules of the Air

      Rules of the Air

      1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

      2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

      3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

      4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

      5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

      6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

      7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.

      8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

      9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

      10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

      11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.

      12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

      13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

      14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.

      15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

      16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

      17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

      18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

      19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

      20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

      21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.

      22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

      23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.

      24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.

      ---------
      Everything I Ever Needed To Know About Life, I Learned As a Helicopter Crewman In Vietnam

      by Bobby McBride
      Crew Chief
      128th Assault Helicopter Company
      Phu Loi, RVN 3/69 - 3/70

      NEVER FORGET!

      1. Once you are in the fight, it is way too late to wonder if this is a good idea.

      2. Helicopters are cool!

      3. It is a fact that helicopter tail rotors are instinctively drawn toward trees, stumps, rocks, etc. While it may be possible to ward off this natural event some of the time, it cannot, despite the best efforts of the crew, always be prevented. It's just what they do.

      4. NEVER get into a fight without more ammunition than the other guy.

      5. The engine RPM, and the rotor RPM, must BOTH be kept in the GREEN. Failure to heed this commandment can affect the morale of the crew.

      6. A billfold in your hip pocket can numb your leg and be a real pain in the ass.

      7. Cover your Buddy, so he can be around to cover you.

      8. Letters from home are not always great.

      9. The madness of war can extract a heavy toll. Please have exact change.

      10. Share everything. Even the Pound Cake.

      11. Decisions made by someone over your head will seldom be in your best interest.

      12. The terms "Protective Armor" and "Helicopter" are mutually exclusive.

      13. The further away you are from your friends, the less likely it is that they can help you when you really need them the most.

      14. Sometimes, being good and lucky still was not enough. There is always payback.

      15. "Chicken Plates" are not something you order in a restaurant.

      16. If everything is as clear as a bell, and everything is going exactly as planned, you're about to be surprised.

      17. The BSR (Bang Stare Read) Theory states that the louder the sudden bang in the helicopter, the quicker your eyes will be drawn to the gauges.

      18. The longer you stare at the gauges, the less time it takes them to move from green to red.

      19. It does too get cold in Vietnam.

      20. No matter what you do, the bullet with your name on it will get you. So too can the ones addressed "To Whom It May Concern".

      21. Gravity: It may not be fair, but it is the law.

      22. If the rear echelon troops are really happy, the front line troops probably do not have what they need.

      23. If you are wearing body armor, the incoming will probably miss that part.

      24. It hurts less to die with a uniform on than to die in a hospital bed.

      25. Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.

      26. If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

      27. Eat when you can. Sleep when you can. Vist the head when you can. The next opportunity may not come around for a long time. If ever.

      28. Combat pay is a flawed concept.

      29. Having all your body parts intact and functioning at the end of the day beats the alternative.

      30. Air superiority is NOT a luxury.

      31. If you are allergic to lead it is best to avoid a war zone.

      32. It is a bad thing to run out of airspeed, altitude, and ideas all at the same time.

      32a. Nothing is as useless as altitude above you and runway behind you.

      33. While the rest of the crew may be in the same predicament, it's almost always the pilot's job to arrive at the crash site first.

      34. When you shoot your gun, clean it the first chance you get.

      35. Loud sudden noises in a helicopter WILL get your undivided attention.

      36. Hot garrison chow is better than hot C-rations, which, in turn is better than cold C-rations, which is better than no food at all. All of these, however, are preferable to cold rice balls (given to you by guards) even if they do have the little pieces of fish in them.

      37. WHAT is often more important than WHY.

      38. Boxes of cookies from home must be shared.

      39. Girlfriends are fair game. Wives are not.

      40. Everybody's a hero on the ground in the club after the fourth drink.

      41. There is no such thing as a small firefight.

      42. A free-fire zone has nothing to do with economics.

      43. The farther you fly into the mountains, the louder the strange engine noises become.

      44. Medals are OK, but having your body and all your friends in one piece at the end of the day is better.

      44a. The only medal you really want to be awarded is the Longevity Medal.

      45. Being shot hurts.

      46. Thousands of Vietnam Veterans earned medals for bravery every day. A few were even awarded.

      48. Running out of pedal, fore or aft cyclic, or collective are all bad ideas. Any combination of these can be deadly.

      49. Nomex is NOT fire proof.

      50. There is only one rule in war: When you win, you get to make up the Rules.

      51. Living and dying can both hurt a lot.

      53. While a Super Bomb could be considered one of the four essential building blocks of life, powdered eggs cannot.

      54. C-4 can make a dull day fun.

      55. Cocoa Powder is neither.

      56. There is no such thing as a fair fight, only ones where you win or lose.

      57. If you win the battle you are entitled to the spoils. If you lose you don't care.

      58. Nobody cares what you did yesterday or what you are going to do tomorrow. What is important is what you are doing NOW to solve our problem.

      59. If you have extra, share it quickly.

      60. Always make sure someone has a P-38.

      61. A sucking chest wound may be God's way of telling you it's time to go home.

      62. Prayer may not help . . . but it can't hurt.

      63. Flying is better than walking. Walking is better than running. Running is better than crawling. All of these however, are better than extraction by a Med-Evac, even if this is technically a form of flying.

      64. If everyone does not come home none of the rest of us can ever fully come home either.

      65. Do not fear the enemy, for your enemy can only take your life. It is far better that you fear the media, for they will steal your HONOR.

      66. A grunt is the true reason for the existence of the helicopter. Every helicopter flying in Vietnam had one real purpose: To help the grunt. It is unfortunate that many helicopters never had the opportunity to fulfill their one true mission in life simply because someone forgot this fact.

      67. "You have the right to remain silent" is always EXCELLENT advice.

      "Like the book says, we may be through with the past but the past is not through with us" - from Magnolia the movie

      [media]http://www.thecrewdogs.com/images/Comic%20strips/2008_08_11.jpg[/media]


      Many more here... http://www.strategypage.com/humor/default.asp

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Military humor?

        Direct quote from my dad:
        Statistically speaking, the most common last words heard over the radio from any pilot going down in an aircraft are "oh sh**."

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Military humor?

          this one is worth reading:
          Marine Corps Rules:
          1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
          2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
          3. Have a plan.
          4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
          5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet even your friends…
          6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
          7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
          8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
          9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
          10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
          11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
          12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
          13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.


          Navy SEAL's Rules:
          1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
          2. Kill every living thing within view.
          3. Adjust speedo.
          4. Check hair in mirror.


          US Army Rangers Rules:
          1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
          2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
          3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
          4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
          5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.


          US Army Rules:
          1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
          2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
          3. Curse bitterly.
          4. Curse bitterly.
          5. Do not listen to 2nd LT's; it can get you killed.
          6. Curse bitterly.


          US Air Force Rules:
          1. Have a cocktail.
          2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
          3. See what's on HBO.
          4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"
          5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Power Point presentation.
          6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
          7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
          8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.
          9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
          10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.


          US Navy Rules:
          1. Go to Sea.
          2. Drink Coffee.
          3. Deploy Marines

          Life's too short to live it fast.




          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Military humor?



            gotta listen to this:
            http://www.strategypage.com/gallery/images/usaf.wav

            Life's too short to live it fast.




            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Military humor?

              You forgot the Special Forces rules:

              1) Always know where you are (land nav is a big thing)
              2) Always look cool
              3) If you don't know where you are, look cool
              TG5th USARMY||JeonJiHyeon

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Military humor?

                This would make a good thread in the General forum. ;) (I usually skip over threads in game sections I don't play, and just noticed the thread title while skimming New Posts.)
                Dude, seriously, WHAT handkerchief?

                snooggums' density principal: "The more dense a population, the more dense a population."

                Iliana: "You're a great friend but if we're ever chased by zombies I'm tripping you."

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Military humor?

                  This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio
                  conversation of a U.S. naval ship with the Canadian
                  authorities off the coast of Newfoundland October
                  1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of
                  Naval Operations10-10-95.

                  Canadians:
                  Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South
                  to avoid a collision.

                  Americans:
                  Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
                  North.

                  Canadians:
                  Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
                  degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

                  Americans:
                  This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
                  divert YOUR course.

                  Canadians:
                  No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

                  Americans:
                  THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE
                  SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC
                  FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE
                  CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT
                  YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY
                  AGAIN,THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER
                  MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF
                  THIS SHIP.

                  Canadians:
                  We are a lighthouse, your call.

                  -Dont mean to offend anyone =P-

                  ~Sirsolo

                  Oh, not mine.. duh.
                  |TG-Irr|Sirsolo since 18OCT08.

                  Carpe Diem

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Military humor?

                    Originally posted by sirsolo View Post
                    This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio
                    conversation of a U.S. naval ship with the Canadian
                    authorities off the coast of Newfoundland October
                    1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of
                    Naval Operations10-10-95.

                    Canadians:
                    Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South
                    to avoid a collision.

                    Americans:
                    Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
                    North.

                    Canadians:
                    Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
                    degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

                    Americans:
                    This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
                    divert YOUR course.

                    Canadians:
                    No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

                    Americans:
                    THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE
                    SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC
                    FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE
                    CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT
                    YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY
                    AGAIN,THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER
                    MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF
                    THIS SHIP.

                    Canadians:
                    We are a lighthouse, your call.

                    -Dont mean to offend anyone =P-

                    ~Sirsolo

                    Oh, not mine.. duh.
                    ahahahaaaahaa epic lols

                    Life's too short to live it fast.




                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Military humor?

                      Originally posted by sirsolo View Post
                      This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio
                      conversation of a U.S. naval ship with the Canadian
                      authorities off the coast of Newfoundland October
                      1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of
                      Naval Operations10-10-95.
                      It's not real. It's 100% fake: http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthouse.asp

                      Watch the original clip here, though. It's funny :)
                      [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9WMSxV6lMs[/media]
                      TG5th USARMY||JeonJiHyeon

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Military humor?

                        Wait Faster.
                        Skud


                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Military humor?

                          Skylark, awesome first video, i used to LOVE Bremner, Bird and Fortune, their political satire every Sunday night was unmissable!!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Military humor?

                            Originally posted by creepinshadow24/7 View Post
                            ROFL. Army Special Operations Command and cursory creditory check. :row__577:

                            I love how there are some radio guys in the background laughing their butts off.

                            Originally posted by FFLaguana
                            [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9WMSxV6lMs[/media]
                            "This is a lighthouse. It's your call. Over"

                            ...

                            "Hello? Capt'in? I think he's gone. Oh well."

                            That got me laughing so hard especially the look at the naval captain's face. :D
                            |TG-18th| Acreo Aeneas
                            TG World of Tanks Clan Executive Officer
                            Former 9th & 13th

                            Pronounciation: Eh-Cree-Oh Ah-Nay-Ess
                            Still can't say it? Call me Acorn then. -.-





                            SSDs I Own: Kingston HyperX 3K (240 GB), Samsung 840 Pro (256 GB), Samsung 840 EVO (250 GB), Samsung 840 x 2 (120 GB), Plextor M5S (120 GB), OCZ Vertex (30 GB)

                            TG Primer and Rules

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Military humor?

                              Comment

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