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  • Tactical Bread

    It's the worst case scenario. Someone has broken into your house, and they're stalking quietly towards your mint collection of TOPP baseball cards. The USP is too far away, the broadsword is in the shop, and the Battlemech has a hole in the radiator. The only thing you can reach to defend yourself is the breadbox. The moment is upon you, what do you do?

    Me, I'd go for the pumpernickle loaf. It doesn't have the leverage of french bread, but it makes up for it in sheer mass. For a back up, I'd grab a croissant. The unique shape of the croissant means that you can go for a kill or a non-lethal take down without having to shift your grip.

  • #2
    Re: Tactical Bread

    Bagle. With a garlic crust, in case we're dealing with a vampire. The villain will be nothing but a schmeer on the wall.
    Dude, seriously, WHAT handkerchief?

    snooggums' density principal: "The more dense a population, the more dense a population."

    Iliana: "You're a great friend but if we're ever chased by zombies I'm tripping you."

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    • #3
      Re: Tactical Bread

      I'd go for any hunk of homemade bread from one of those home baking kits. It is the equivalent of a lead block and can do some serious damage.
      "I've been working since I was sixteen. I fought in two wars. Hell, I've killed people. I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy it..."
      -- Red Forman

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      • #4
        Re: Tactical Bread

        A very hard french roll. I just hope it doesn't give up on me when I'm hitting the guy.

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        • #5
          Re: Tactical Bread

          I'd grab as many mini-baguettes as possible and start flinging them at the intruder. They can also be used for close-range attacks, by thrusting or cutting. Or prodding.
          |TG-Irr| westyfield

          Sig pic by Sonic, avatar by Chalcas. Thanks!
          Irregular since 2007.

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          • #6
            Re: Tactical Bread

            I'd grab the bread my wife always seems to keep in the freezer. It's solid enough to act as a club, or if the bag rips, I could throw individual slices of DEATH!
            "Sympathy means a lot, coming from Kulmar. I didn't think it was possible.
            Good luck getting rid of your disease. If you're infected, though, stay away--I can't afford to be a zombie right now.
            " Ednos


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            • #7
              Re: Tactical Bread

              Originally posted by Smokeyandthebandit View Post
              A very hard french roll. I just hope it doesn't give up on me when I'm hitting the guy.
              :icon_lol:
              Dude, seriously, WHAT handkerchief?

              snooggums' density principal: "The more dense a population, the more dense a population."

              Iliana: "You're a great friend but if we're ever chased by zombies I'm tripping you."

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              • #8
                Re: Tactical Bread

                Assuming the gun I have in my breadbox is empty? The donuts. If I can't throw them fast enough to knock him out, there is always a chance he'll stop what he's doing and take a glazed. Thats what I'd do.

                Instincts, man. If you see a glazed donut flying at you, what would be your instinct?
                Waldo II

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                • #9
                  Re: Tactical Bread

                  Burnt black French roll. The guy won't know what hit him. ;)

                  I'll follow up with a bag of flour and frozen dough in the freezer. :p
                  |TG-18th| Acreo Aeneas
                  TG World of Tanks Clan Executive Officer
                  Former 9th & 13th

                  Pronounciation: Eh-Cree-Oh Ah-Nay-Ess
                  Still can't say it? Call me Acorn then. -.-





                  SSDs I Own: Kingston HyperX 3K (240 GB), Samsung 840 Pro (256 GB), Samsung 840 EVO (250 GB), Samsung 840 x 2 (120 GB), Plextor M5S (120 GB), OCZ Vertex (30 GB)

                  TG Primer and Rules

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                  • #10
                    Re: Tactical Bread

                    Is it considered a mugging if you have to give him all your dough?
                    Dude, seriously, WHAT handkerchief?

                    snooggums' density principal: "The more dense a population, the more dense a population."

                    Iliana: "You're a great friend but if we're ever chased by zombies I'm tripping you."

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Tactical Bread

                      Bread w/ poisonous/toxic mold growing on it :D



                      TacticalGamer TX LAN/BBQ Veteran

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                      • #12
                        Re: Tactical Bread

                        Well since you have to get it out of a bread box, I'm going with the brick-hard stale bread that you were going to feed to the ducks at the local pond.




                        "Certainly, being bombarded with 105 millimeter shells is bad. But the knowledge that you've armed your enemy thus, with your sloth and your ineptitude, unfolds in the heart like a poison." Tycho from Penny Arcade in reference to the nuke in MW2

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                        • #13
                          Re: Tactical Bread

                          I personally would go for a loaf of cuban bread. Great leverage due to its long length and quite broad as well. While soft when fresh, after 24 hours it cures into a hardened shaft of death. This can then be ground on the concrete floor to produce a fine, sharp point that you could then use to stick the intruder to the wall :D

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                          • #14
                            Re: Tactical Bread

                            I'd throw the bread box at him, if that doesn't work some of my grandma's scones. Those things are hard enough they would put a hole in a battleship so I would hate to see what they could do to human flesh.

                            Or there is always the toaster. Never underestimated the power of a toaster being hurled at someones head.

                            ~ Draken

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                            • #15
                              Re: Tactical Bread

                              I here that the Bulgarian Navy is currently working on a project to use week old scones as hypervelocity projectiles.

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