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  • Let's have fun :)

    hey all, I was chill and I decided to make a thread about jokes.. so when I have nothing to do maybe you could make me smile ! :)

    Here's mine :

    This is the story of a blonde who wanted to play Russian roulette with a 9mm Beretta.
    Guess what happenned ... :D

  • #2
    Re: Let's have fun :)

    Moar morbid blonde jokes!

    The boss saw one of his employees, a blonde, crying at work after a phone call.
    He approaches her and asks how she's doing, and if she needs some time off.
    The blonde told the boss that her mother died, and reassured him that staying at work will help her keep her mind off it. The boss allows it, and checks to make sure she's OK every so often.
    One visit, he notices her crying hysterically, so he comes over and asks what's wrong.
    The blonde replies,
    "I just got off the phone with my sister. Her mother died too!"
    Without teamwork, you'll never survive.
    Without betrayal you'll never win.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Let's have fun :)

      Have you heard my Déjà vu joke?
      In Order to Dance


      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Let's have fun :)

        Here's another..

        A guy in car stopped by police for speeding. The police officer who is newly out of school approached the vehicle. The officer asks the driver:
        - Sir, your license s.v.p.
        - I have no driving license, they took me, it was suspended for the 5th time
        - Ok, can I see the records of the vehicle?
        - It is a stolen car, but I think I saw the records in the trunk when I put my revolver in it.
        - A car stolen? A revolver?
        - Yes, I killed the girl who owns this car and I put his body in the trunk.
        The officer, a little distraught, told the man to stay in the car. He drew his head in support coming soon. He told the whole story. The head toward the car and addressed the driver:
        - Sir, do I see your papers?
        The man hands him his license. The head, that man a license, then asked him if he can see the records of véhicule. The driver said yes and that it is the records. The Chief then asked him to open the glove box because he wants to see if there is a revolver. The man is running and the Chief noted that there was no gun. He asked the man to finally open the trunk where he noted that there was no body. The chief, speaking to the driver, said: "I am a little confused, the officer who stopped you said that your license was suspended, that the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box and there was a corpse in the trunk. " The driver responds to the head: "Yeah, yeah, and I suppose that damned liar also said that I was driving too fast ...

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Let's have fun :)

          Originally posted by Kossst View Post
          Here's another..

          A guy in car stopped by police for speeding. The police officer who is newly out of school approached the vehicle. The officer asks the driver:
          - Sir, your license s.v.p.
          - I have no driving license, they took me, it was suspended for the 5th time
          - Ok, can I see the records of the vehicle?
          - It is a stolen car, but I think I saw the records in the trunk when I put my revolver in it.
          - A car stolen? A revolver?
          - Yes, I killed the girl who owns this car and I put his body in the trunk.
          The officer, a little distraught, told the man to stay in the car. He drew his head in support coming soon. He told the whole story. The head toward the car and addressed the driver:
          - Sir, do I see your papers?
          The man hands him his license. The head, that man a license, then asked him if he can see the records of véhicule. The driver said yes and that it is the records. The Chief then asked him to open the glove box because he wants to see if there is a revolver. The man is running and the Chief noted that there was no gun. He asked the man to finally open the trunk where he noted that there was no body. The chief, speaking to the driver, said: "I am a little confused, the officer who stopped you said that your license was suspended, that the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box and there was a corpse in the trunk. " The driver responds to the head: "Yeah, yeah, and I suppose that damned liar also said that I was driving too fast ...
          wonder if that would actually work? Hmmm.
          Proud to have been an Irregular

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Let's have fun :)

            Originally posted by Kossst View Post
            hey all, I was chill and I decided to make a thread about jokes.. so when I have nothing to do maybe you could make me smile ! :)

            Here's mine :

            This is the story of a blonde who wanted to play Russian roulette with a 9mm Beretta.
            Guess what happenned ... :D
            This has actually happened. This is a quote from the Darwin awards book (basically a record of the dumb ways people have died)

            '28 February 2000, Texas) A Houston man earned a succinct lesson in gun safety when he played Russian roulette with a .45-calibre semiautomatic pistol. Rashaad, nineteen, was visiting friends when he announced his intention to play the deadly game. He apparently did not realise that a semiautomatic pistol, unlike a revolver, automatically inserts a cartridge into the firing chamber when the gun is cocked. His chance of winning a round of Russian roulette was zero, as he quickly discovered.'
            As for an actual joke...

            A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.

            They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.

            The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."

            Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
            This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing.
            Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.

            The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."
            |TG-Irr| EmperorMustard

            Contrary to popular belief, I am not actually an Emperor, or a Condiment.

            Men should either be treated generously or destroyed, because they take revenge for slight injures - for heavy ones they cannot. - Niccolo Machiavelli

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Let's have fun :)

              Q: Why did the blond have a bruised belly button?
              A: Blond boyfriend.

              So a blond is in her sports car barreling down a dirt road. Off in the distance she notices another blond in the middle of a field, in a row boat trying to row and obviously getting no where. So she slams on the brakes and comes to a screeching halt in the middle of the road. She jumps out of the car and runs up to the edge of the field and starts yelling. "You know, it is blonds like you that give the rest of us blonds a bad name! And if I wasn't in such a hurry, I would swim out there and kick your a$$!
              *

              "Remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!"

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Let's have fun :)

                The son:
                - Today, I was in the bus with Dad. he told me to leave my seat to a lady ...
                Mom:
                - That's great, son, you did a good deed. The son: But Mom, I was on daddy's knees !

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Let's have fun :)

                  Continuing the blonde hatred (but not really):
                  A ploiceman was cruising down a motorway when he saw a car drive past, swerving from lane to lane. He put his lights and siren on, sped up, drew level with the car and signalled them to pull over. He got out of his car, walked over to the other car, and a 6 foot tall blonde woman gets out. He asked
                  'Why were you driving so erratically?' and she replied
                  'Well, officer, I was driving down the motorway normally, and then all of a sudden I saw a huge pine tree right in front of me, so I swerved right to avoid it. Then I saw another tree in that lane as well, so I switched lane to avoid it. This kept happening until you made me stop.'
                  The policeman looks inside the blonde's car, steps back, sighs, and says
                  'Sorry, ma'am, but that's your air freshener.'
                  |TG-Irr| westyfield

                  Sig pic by Sonic, avatar by Chalcas. Thanks!
                  Irregular since 2007.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Let's have fun :)

                    An excerpt from "Dr.Pharte: the e is silent" by Philip Altfeld

                    Originally posted by Great Gas Mileage
                    _____When I was in my 30's, the Attorney General of Maryland, Bill Burch, appointed me Securities Commissioner of Maryland. My job was to regulate the securities industry in the state and approve all stock offerings before they could be sold to the public. My office was part of the Attorney General's office which had about two hundred lawyers. One of the lawyers, a friend of mine, bought a Volkswagen which became the focus of his life, especially since this was the era when America suffered its first gas shortage. Every day a group of us were subjected to his stories about Volkswagen grandeur but particularly about the outstanding gas mileage he was getting from his wondrous car. In fact, he kept mileage charts and would record the results on a regular basis.

                    _____I then got the crazy idea to assist him in increasing his gas mileage to such a point where no one would possibly believe his stories. I had hoped my plot would put an end to his continuous bragging. Since each of the lawyers had assigned parking spaces, I easily determined where he parked his car. Each day, when I knew he was working, I'd take a gas can from the trunk of my car and pour some into his Volkswagen tank.

                    _____A few days later he came into the office after calculating his fuel usage and proudly announced his car was getting 35 miles to the gallonn. We told him that was ridiculous. The next week, he told us he was getting 40 miles to the gallon. My gas dripping exploits continued until he said he was averaging 100 miles to the gallon. We of course told him he was crazy. He called the local Volkswagen dealer and shared with them the news about his extraordinary mileage. They told him he was crazy. When his mileage went to 150 miles per gallon, I thought my friend would lose his mind. No one would believe him. His friends called him a liar. Volkswagen refused to take his calls. He finally stopped talking about his car.

                    _____I then happily retired from the fuel supply business.
                    Without teamwork, you'll never survive.
                    Without betrayal you'll never win.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Let's have fun :)

                      A site with lots of photos of truck spills:

                      http://www.truckspills.com/truck_spill_joke.html
                      Dude, seriously, WHAT handkerchief?

                      snooggums' density principal: "The more dense a population, the more dense a population."

                      Iliana: "You're a great friend but if we're ever chased by zombies I'm tripping you."

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