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We need to find an answer for this, looks like Karnax who posted that he is giving up on ArmA for what sounds like the very same reasons. Is this just a steam problem or a 1.05 problem? Did you check the BIS forums for similar problems? We don't need to lose players to things like this.
Had a fresh Steam install but of course it's not patched to 1.5 so I patched it up using the installer from Armaholic. I got an error when trying to use the patcher; it said the PBO's "cannot be applied, error xdelta3 returned error code: 1." I read forums all across the web, searched the BIS forums, with no resolution except to ignore the errors and go on patching. ArmA II worked fine vanilla but I couldn't connect to any servers. On the wait for host screen it would load all the way then right before going to the game lobby it disconnected me and said "session lost." So I worked on it for like 2 hours while I'm still waiting for YomaTools to patch up the TG modpack/ACE and all that. I messed with my firewall settings on my router and ended up blocking all the ports except UDP 2301 and 2302 (the ports ArmA II uses). I also added exceptions to the Windows firewall for the same UDP ports. Then just to test it out I closed YomaTools while it was still updating and ran ArmA II, then after a few tries I could connect to any 1.5 server running vanilla. I think the other guy that quit already had the modpack updated all the way so I don't know if this will apply to him, but there's no harm in trying.
With steam, after installing vanilla and disabling autoupdate**, i load it up to finish the DX and directsound installers. Then I close and patch 1.5. Run the editor to make sure all is ok, then load up yoma and patch that.
Once yoma is updated, I load up again and try to get on server. If that works I make up my custom mod folder and tweak my controller and profile settings.
Works pretty consistently.
**stop here and make a backup copy to your harddrive. Then you don't need to re-download the game core everytime you reinstall because of some corruption
I appreciate your inputs and hope this helps but cant help thinking... My god how we must love this game to indure the agonies of trying to get it to run properly. The propblem is that there are a lot who dont have the time or patientce to do so. The BIS forums are filled with page upon page of ways to optimize this game and people with super computers whining about how they cant get ArmA to play nice. Yup ,ya gotta love it thats for sure. The Yoma thing seems to be the big stopper for a lot of people,very daunting , they just won't or can't deal with it. We have what we have on our servers so there is no quick solution, only our willingness to help.