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A day in the life of A.Wickens

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  • A day in the life of A.Wickens

    A day in the life of A.Wickens

    The word day is a bit misleading, because a day in his life is less like the 24-hour day most people know, and more like an eon.

    A.Wickens starts his day off like every other red-blooded man: with murder. After destroying the nearest person, Wickens flosses his teeth with steel wool. Then he eats a bowl of dynamite, Drinks an entire keg of beer, and wipes his face with intercepted letters from Santa Clause.

    After breakfast, Wickens brings in his mail and uses the spear of destiny as an envelope opener.

    A.Wickens not only stays up to date with current squad movements, but future ones as well, so he can best be in a position for complete annihilation of the battlefield.



    May God have mercy...

    Below are a few tales of A.Wickens as you know him.

    Digestion
    A.Wickens eats rocks and poops lightning bolts. One time when Wickens was walking through the forest on Fools Road, looking for hippies to use as firewood, a rival IHS suddenly crossed his path. Big mistake. Wickens lifted the soldiers into the air with his mind, spun them around, and digested them telekenetically. Wickens was not even hungry.

    Championships
    If you don't know who A.Wickens is, he is the champion in tae kwan do, Ju-Jitsu, kickboxing, karate, sumo wrestling, tae bo, pad-ti, street fighter two - and he holds a certificate of participation in the national spelling bee.

    A.Wickens has no weakness, he is the ultimate fighting machine.

    The Movie
    One time, a big shot movie producer approached Wickens about a screen play, starring him versus king kong, dracula, satan, Charles Bronson, and that Russian boxer from Rocky IV. The movie was never made though because studios felt it was too far-fetched; Since nobody, nobody, stands a chance against A. Wickens. When Wickens found out, he was so furious that the producer had to offer the blood of his first born son to appease him. Wickens accepted the offer, and then torched the producer's family in their sleep. The producer wrote Wickens a thank you letter, for sparring his life - which Wickens promptly crumpled up and urinated on. Speaking of the film, here's a transcript of a conversation the producer had with Wickens regarding Wickens' asking price for the film.
    "100 billion dollarrs..."
    "How about 20 million?
    Wickens then put his thumbs through the producers eyes.

    Birth of Communism and Democracy

    Not much is known about A.Wickens' childhood. Wickens has no mother, as growing out of a woman's uterus is unbecoming of a man of Wickens' status. Wickens came spontaneously into existence on Carl Marx's birthday - which is no coincidence since A.Wickens is the polar opposite of Communism. He is the yang to communism's yin. The very thought of a political theory in which people should have their own means of production in a classless society makes Wickens want to puke.

    Tales of War

    A.Wickens has fought in almost every major war, including the Korean War, WWI, The American Revolution, The American Civil War, The Peloponnesian Wars, The Iran/Iraq War (On both sides), the War of the Worlds, and the War on Drugs. The only war Wickens did not participate in is the Macedonian War, because A.Wickens doesn't give a **** about Macedonians. A.Wickens wins wars by attrition.

    Diet
    Here is a list of A.Wickens' favorite foods:
    Beer.

    Sometimes when Wickens gets tired of Beer he'll eat bread, cheese, some tomato paste, and a handful of basil - which sounds like a pizza, but it's not; Because Wickens does not want to give the Italians credit. Every now and then Wickens will sit down and eat an entire plate of depleted Uranium... FOR NO REASON.

    Thus concludes my piece on the greatest PR player to ever play.
    Last edited by Skud; 03-26-2010, 05:30 PM.
    Skud



  • #2
    Re: A day in the life of A.Wickens

    What the :P

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: A day in the life of A.Wickens

      Wickens is like TG's resident Chuck Norris.

      | |

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: A day in the life of A.Wickens

        I have heard rumors that Wickens does not actually own a computer. Actions on the server simply occur as his whims dictate. Is this true?

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        • #5
          Re: A day in the life of A.Wickens

          All hail wickens

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: A day in the life of A.Wickens

            Originally posted by mat552 View Post
            I have heard rumors that Wickens does not actually own a computer. Actions on the server simply occur as his whims dictate. Is this true?
            Sadly, not true. It is up to all of us to keep the server populated and well policed.
            Skud


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            • #7
              Re: A day in the life of A.Wickens

              it was my understanding that he is not "A" Wickens, but rather "THE" Wickens.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: A day in the life of A.Wickens

                At TG, you do not kill Wickens. Wickens kills you. And then your family. And then anyone your family has ever met.

                And he does so with a bullwhip that isnt actually a bullwhip, but a live alpha lion that he is swinging by the tail. After he finishes, he eats the lion (while it's still alive and attempting, in absolute futility, to fight back) and drinks an entire barrel of jack daniels.

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                • #9
                  Re: A day in the life of A.Wickens

                  Wow Skud...really took the time to think about this. Well said, overall Wickens is a fine member of this community


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                  • #10
                    Re: A day in the life of A.Wickens

                    Awesome post Skud! Now I'm waiting for Jeepo to show up here and roast Wick ;)

                    |

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                    • #11
                      Re: A day in the life of A.Wickens

                      Normally I would, however I agree Wickens is a great part of the community. Funny you should mention "roast", as the last time I saw anything referring to "roast" and "Wickens" was him sandwiched between two burly African gentlemen.........

                      Now do carry on old bean.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: A day in the life of A.Wickens



                        Wickens during his time off ^



                        Wickens at work ^




                        Wickens' Wife ^




                        Wickens Pet, Banhammer ^


                        <3

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: A day in the life of A.Wickens

                          Originally posted by Redd_Wiggler View Post
                          it was my understanding that he is not "A" Wickens, but rather "THE" Wickens.
                          It is server policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a Wickens... always use the indefinite article a Wickens, never your Wickens.
                          |TG-6th|Belhade
                          "I am actually looking forward to watching Jon and Kate plus 8." - Dirtboy




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                          • #14
                            Re: A day in the life of A.Wickens

                            Skud - that's a great post.
                            Hope Wickens will accept the bow and will not eat you alive :D




                            ---------
                            |TG|DarkDancer

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                            • #15
                              Re: A day in the life of A.Wickens

                              Well Skud you might want to keep looking behind you and sleep with one eye open, because i'm pretty sure Wicks does not appreciate the sucking up ;)

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