"You Will Be Missed"
[ColoradoSEAL walks from stage left to stage center, where his elegant podium awaits him. It’s made of the finest woods and augmented by the world’s most valuable gems. He did not request this, of course; the people calling for his return thought it only appropriate. As he reaches the podium he raises his hands, palms facing away, and nods his head. His unmistakable stage-presence and comely appearance dazzles the packed venue. It’s as if his prefect body is a manifestation of the gods themselves. His attempt to quiet the seemingly incredulous crowd is trivial; he knows this. Let it be established that among his infinite wisdom sits an understanding that his people, who are still in a state of disbelief, need adequate time for the magnitude of his presence to permeate.
When the audible hailing of adherent men and attractive, love-struck women comes to a reasonably audible level, the screen behind him changes from a depiction of the God King himself to the focus of His presentation. The gasp among Seal-Goers is so strong He feels a light breeze come about the stage. What is this?! Has He chosen not to guide us through the latest release?! For this, there must be a reason, known or unknown to common man, but most certainly known by the God King.
It’s most likely the shock and apprehension causing the great gasp is derived from a conspicuous change in behaviour patterns, not by an instant call of blasphemy, which would be more likely by those who chose not to attend the event; for it’s not those in the crowd for whom the GodKing feels pity. It’s the insta-closed minded, judgmental, insistently illogical, non-believers that churn the God Kings heart. What can He do though? He can only enable those who are willing to take the first step on their own. He must let them choose, as disheartening as it may be. At this point it’s clear; this event isn’t about finding success in PR or observations within the latest release. This event has been called with the greater good in mind.
Behind the God King the text reads,
“How to Fashion a Thought Provoking, Readable OP: and How to Get Flamed in the Process”
He opens with a joke:]
"How many times can hit your head against the wall before it gets repetitive and boring?[Laughter fills the venue and another standing ovation ensues. A smug grin comes about His face as He sees the audience realizing the foreshadowed brilliance of His presentation. Only if they knew the extent.... He begins.]
Point Nine One."
“There are three basic components to a thought provoking, readable OP. They are as follows: In order of significance: [TF21] CommandoSEAL, A rational argument, a nontraditional way of building your thesis or observation, and BBCode enhancements.”[The God King certainly knows He just included four things in a list of three, but concerning topics of prominence, greatness, or amazingness, the first among the list must be His Majesty himself]
“When your post looks into the mirror, what does it see? Just like [TF21] Hellhound’s girlfriend, what’s on the inside is more important than what’s on the outside (thank heavens :P) I kid, I kid…..”[The God King digresses]
“So, it’s imperative to construct an argument around something both reasonable and sensible. Remember, not everyone has to agree with your thesis; that’s why it’s a thesis- an unproven statement. However, it doesn’t stop at what seems like stating the obvious. Trust me; sometimes what seems obvious is anything but. It’s easy to overlook the importance of explaining why your argument is rational though, especially if you state your thesis in an unconventional manner. Lastly, the man in the mirror must have the elegance--the grace--to argue for his thesis. This can be done in the OP and if maturity allows, in the thread itself. Unfortunately, the latter is rarely the case.
My next point, which is directly related to the first, will probably draw a bit of criticism, especially from a community where apparently being straightforward is an accepted social norm and reading between the lines is not. Fine, go ahead and blame the internet. You see, the best points a brilliant poster makes are those which must be inferred. The ones that require thought and reasoning. The ones that require readers consider the issue within the context it was presented. When a point is made in straight black and white text, not only is it like playing insurgency, boring and pointless, it causes readers to insta- things. Insta-point fingers or insta-blame. Insta-refute without taking everything, or anything for that matter, into consideration. And my favorite, an insta-assumption turned insult, hedged with a sarcasm tag.
The downside and well-proven side-effect from not stating everything in clear black and white terms equals the result of most instas: Flaming. Not to mention misconception…. but sacrificing creativity and free thought to accommodate the lowest common denominator’s comprehension is unacceptable. I choose my flame suit, which partly consists of the summation of my brilliant threads, as seen in game.
The third part of a through provoking, readable OP is the presentation. Things that look better with an enhanced presentation: women, food, applicants, consumer services at sales calls; the list goes on. OPs are no different. Put some time into posts and the world might turn a little faster. Get those creative juices flowing! Nobody wants to read block text without variation in size, color, format, etc. Those are about as engaging as a table of contents….."
[He stops to sip from His mug on the podium, also partly to let His last statement resonate. Many wonder what’s in the mug. Is it water? Does the God King eat and drink as we do, or does He sip from a higher cup? Perhaps His cup is filled with Gatorade….or honor. As He sips its contents unknown, He thinks quietly to himself, ‘only if posters found creating an eye-friendly OP as rewarding as headshotting…. Only if the resulting player base had the cognition
to.…......’ Morpheus interjects,
The God King snaps out of the utopian world He was creating and continues His presentation]
“I’ll keep my comments here short because I don't want my constructive criticism to appear as anything but. That being said, I’m noting a few easy ways below to liven up your OPs with the use of BBCode. Remember, not only is it better on the eyes, it will enhance your message by emphasizing points of interest."
"I have just a few final remarks before I turn you loose. This time September I’ll be in a new place with new adventures, without time for playing PR or these forums; if you’ve been following along from the start, I advise preparing now for an inferior replacement and common sense withdrawals, respectively.
Please, take my brilliant lessons to heart, or at least to mind. Now go forth and conquer bowl-shaped, ill-conceived nations! With haste, grab all the things you require: your keyboard, your creativity, and your rational arguments. Oh, and don’t forget the catalyst, your 200 round, deployable sniper rifle.
Thank you, and remember, I’m not up here for my good looks."
[The God King departs the stage seen mouthing the words “You will be missed”, unheard thanks to thunderous applause. Who was He talking to?! How could He leave us without a final answer! Was He talking to the mod? The devs? The ‘model-it-yourself’ and ‘stop whining’ viral infection not in attendance tonight? Perhaps He was talking to those He has come to know since .5. Maybe He speaks of His friends in [TF21] and His great few comrades in TG. That’s probably it.
What a brilliant presentation. What a brilliant man. Blasphemy! What a brilliant GOD KING!!!]