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  1. #1

    leejo's Avatar

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    Remember the Alamo!

    My father-in-law sent me this:

    Future of Texas

    Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union (please refer to the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848). We Texans love y'all, but we'll have to take action if Kerry wins president over Bush. We'll miss you too.

    Texas has given all those complainers plenty of time to get used to the results. After seeing the whiners along the campaign route, the folks from Texas are considering taking matters into our their hands.

    Here is our solution:

    #1: Let John Kerry become President of the United States. (all 49 states.)

    #2: George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic of Texas. So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?


    1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. (We will control the space industry.)

    2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States.

    3. Defense Industry. (We have over 65% of it.) The term "Don't mess with Texas" will take on a whole new meaning.

    4. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that.

    5. Natural Gas - Again we have all we need and it's too bad about those northern states. John Kerry will figure a way to keep them warm....

    6. Computer Industry - We currently lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications: Small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel, Alcatel, Etc, Etc. The list goes on and on.

    7. Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world and other large health planning centers.

    8. We have enough colleges to keep us going: U.T., Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, University of Houston, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women's University, etc. Ivy grows better in the south anyway.

    9. We have a ready supply of workers. (Just open the border when we need some more.)

    10. We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.

    11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an army, but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple Texas Rangers.

    12. We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables and let's not forget seafood from the gulf. And everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food.


    This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.

    Now to the rest of the United States under President Kerry:

    Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Kerry will be able to drive around in his 9 mile per gallon SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.

    You won't have any TV as the Space Center in Houston will cut off your communications. You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes, but since Mr. Kerry has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas.

    Signed,

    The People in Texas

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  3. #2

    phyllis's Avatar

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    Re: Remember the Alamo!

    hehehee...nice read Leej...thank DiL for me

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  5. #3

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    Re: Remember the Alamo!

    Thanks Phyllis!

    Since coming to Texas I've come to understand a lot about how the rest of the world sees America, and why they're all wrong.

    1) Texas (and America) is a fantastic place and the folks here are crazy about being from Texas (or America). We love to have fun! We respect strong handshakes and people who look you in the eye. We'll hang a horsethief in a skinny minute.

    2) You're welcome to join us!

    3) Lots of people get sick about how we talk about our beloved land. That's ok. You just don't get it.

    (P.S. My heart's still in North Carolina. I just can't help it.)

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  7. #4

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    Re: Remember the Alamo!

    Actually, most of us just can't stand hearing that damn southern drawl. If you spoke more like a northern cronie, we'd like you more.

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  9. #5

    leejo's Avatar

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    Re: Remember the Alamo!

    Funny, we don't really care what you yankees think.

    Y'all come back now, you hear?

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  11. #6

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    Re: Remember the Alamo!

    Quote Originally Posted by leejo
    My father-in-law sent me this:

    Future of Texas

    Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union (please refer to the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848). We Texans love y'all, but we'll have to take action if Kerry wins president over Bush. We'll miss you too.

    Texas has given all those complainers plenty of time to get used to the results. After seeing the whiners along the campaign route, the folks from Texas are considering taking matters into our their hands.

    Here is our solution:

    #1: Let John Kerry become President of the United States. (all 49 states.)

    #2: George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic of Texas. So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?


    1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. (We will control the space industry.)

    2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States.

    3. Defense Industry. (We have over 65% of it.) The term "Don't mess with Texas" will take on a whole new meaning.

    4. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that.

    5. Natural Gas - Again we have all we need and it's too bad about those northern states. John Kerry will figure a way to keep them warm....

    6. Computer Industry - We currently lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications: Small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel, Alcatel, Etc, Etc. The list goes on and on.

    7. Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world and other large health planning centers.

    8. We have enough colleges to keep us going: U.T., Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, University of Houston, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women's University, etc. Ivy grows better in the south anyway.

    9. We have a ready supply of workers. (Just open the border when we need some more.)

    10. We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.

    11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an army, but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple Texas Rangers.

    12. We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables and let's not forget seafood from the gulf. And everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food.


    This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.

    Now to the rest of the United States under President Kerry:

    Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Kerry will be able to drive around in his 9 mile per gallon SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.

    You won't have any TV as the Space Center in Houston will cut off your communications. You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes, but since Mr. Kerry has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas.

    Signed,

    The People in Texas

    AInt that the truth lol

    #9 and #11 are specially funny

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  13. #7

    CingularDuality's Avatar

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    Re: Remember the Alamo!

    Quote Originally Posted by =luna=
    Actually, most of us just can't stand hearing that damn southern drawl. If you spoke more like a northern cronie, we'd like you more.
    When I first moved here, I was so afraid that everyone would talk like that... Very few people in the Dallas/Fort Worth area actually have a Texas drawl. And the great thing about the DFW area is that you can live in Dallas, which is a southern city, or you can live in Ft. Worth, which is a western city. Very different and I have no idea why anyone would choose to live in Dallas.

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  15. #8

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    Re: Remember the Alamo!

    Quote Originally Posted by CingularDuality
    Very different and I have no idea why anyone would choose to live in Dallas.
    They don't because anyone knows Houston is the place to be.

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  17. #9

    CingularDuality's Avatar

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    Re: Remember the Alamo!

    Quote Originally Posted by TheFeniX
    They don't because anyone knows Houston is the place to be.
    If I didn't absolutely despise humid climates, I was thinking about looking for a job down there. The federal cost of living allowance is awesome due to all the rocket scientists living there...

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  19. #10

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    Re: Remember the Alamo!

    Quote Originally Posted by leejo
    7. Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world and other large health planning centers.
    Minnesota's still got the Mayo Clinic!

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  21. #11

    =DdogG='s Avatar

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    Re: Remember the Alamo!

    I never understood what mayonaise has to do with medicine... am I missing something here? is there a mustard cardio unit and a ketchup radiology wing? what's up?
    Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. -Albert Einstein
    The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. -Harlan Ellison

    If all else fails: "rm -rf /"

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  23. #12

    TheFeniX's Avatar

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    Re: Remember the Alamo!

    Quote Originally Posted by CingularDuality
    If I didn't absolutely despise humid climates,
    Yea, Houston seems to drift between "Damn Hot" and "Hot and Humid as Hell."

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